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alone

I have been raising my son (now 2) alone since he was 8 months old. My "husband" decided he wanted a divorce and kicked us out. For a year I tried to work things out to get my family back. I made the stupid mistake of sleeping with him again only to find out he had been cheating (which he claims was only AFTER we left) on me and the next day after finding out he had a gf I found out I was pregnant. I told him its either her or his kids. He chose her. Denied being the father of his daughter and ditched his son all theway around. I am 36w +6d along with our daughter. I am due March 17th. Two weeks ago he decides he wants to be apart of his KIDS life. He is now claiming both of them. Why? Cause him an his gf broke up an he supposedly flatlined as in died briefly when his heart gave out and put his life in order.  I have been doing this all on my own. The sleepless nights, the sick days, the "I'm gonna cling to my mommy day" an as much as I want him to be apart of his kids lifeI can't help but think. Why now? You kicked us out. You abandonded us for two years exceptfor a brief week when he got me pregnant. I have been alone through it all. Watching all my friends get married have babies etc. while my life is crashing down an my hormones are going nuts. I love the man. He is the father of my kids. I just dont trust him with our kids alone nor to take care of them properly. Like I said. I have been doing it alone for two years. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should he have that second chance with his kids? Certainly wont have it with me thats for damn sure. But I think his only reason is cause his gf dumped him an he doesnt wanna sit at home alone anymore.....
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Avatar universal
From personal experience  I wouldn't allow his mother or grandmother take your son while your in the hospital. If your ex wanted to hurt you, he could tell you he's not going to give him back until you take him to court. Find someone you trust to watch your son, and tell them to not allow your ex near him.
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Avatar universal
What I want is full custody of both our kids and from there I wouldnt mind letting him see them cause I would have the final say. He doesn't even know his son an doesnt take care of him when he does come around. If you cant take care of our son while I am there how can I trust you to take care of him alone? Our daughter is due any day now even though the edd is March 17. An his mom an grandmother keep trying to keep our son while I am in the hospital despite me telling them I dont feel comfortable with that given mine an his situation and my mom already made arrangements to keep him.
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Go to court. See what help they can give you. Believe me ive been in and out of that place.
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True. Almost 5 years later my ex still says stupid crap about wanting to be a better father/missing my son... he saw him a total of a day and a half all year last year and called maybe 6 times. Bs never stops with that one.  Luckily my husband and son are very close (we've been married since he was 2) and my son considers him his "real daddy. "
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Funny thing is he claims he wants to be in their life an I would love that. I've never made this a personal thing. He stopped seeing his son. An now he said he wants to be in both their lives great! But that convo was a month ago an he hasnt asked about how they are or even tried to see them. Leopards dont change their spots.
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Avatar universal
Coming from a mom who's been there(with my ex):


Go to court, get child support, establish supervised visitation and dear God do not trust him or make a verbal agreement. Your job is to protect your children, emotionally as well as physically. If he cares he'll work to reintegrate into their lives.
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I wouldn't let him back in at all.  You can't be serious when you say you love him.  Maybe you loved the idea of him being a dad 40 weeks ago--but you don't set yourself up for disappointment 3 times with this loser!   Make him take you to court if he wants this so badly.  He'd better be showing up with all kinds of solutions to the hard road you've been on before you even consider letting him into your kids' lives.  My BFF has been dealing with deadbeat dad for 19 years. He didn't pay, he visited when it was convenient for him, the two girls have suffered emotionally and have no clear example of what a good man looks like.
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Avatar universal
The court will waive your fees if they feel you don't make enough. Its hard but go down to the court talk to someone they will help you. If he want to be in the kids life you should let him. His kids will find out on there own how there father is. I know it's hard but don't make it personal. And you can do so much better. Those kids are unconditional love. He needs to provide for his kids. I did everything by myself with my daughter and in the end everything was alright. You can do it.
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Court costs $20. Go.
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The problem with taking him to court is I have no money. He abandoned us and doesn't help with anything. I am living with my sister and only make enough money for diapers and food.
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I would of taken him to court right away because he hasn't been there and he shouldn't have the option to not be there for his kids
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Avatar universal
#trifflin
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The only thing that makes me second guess is that he chose his gf over his son and denied his daughter being his. He CHOSE his gf over his own flesh and blood.
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I would let him see them or do for them but I wouldn't let him just get them by him self right now. You have every reason to feel the way you feel. But despite our own feels its about the kids and what's best for them at the end of the day. Stay strong hunny!
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I def don't want him back, but I am torn about the kids cause he abandoned one and denied the other up until they broke up an he was "lonely"
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Avatar universal
Sorry to hear about your situation.  Your husband sounds very selfish and I personally wouldn't take him back as I'm very independent,  but I would let him be there for his children as they are his obligation.  I hope you make the right choice.
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