Stressed and Anxious Husband?

[eesscott]

Looking for some advise... Does anyone else have a boyfriend/husband/partner who has a highly stressed and anxious personality?  Thankfully, I am naturally a pretty low stress person and have a good system to keep from worrying about things. I try very, very hard to do everything I can to minimize stresses in his life.  

Unfortunately, I'm finding that that means not talking about stressful topics. I handle them myself and then talk to him about it after I've decided on a solution or resolved the problem. He is still involved and informed, but skips the "what should we do now?" stage.  

I guess I'm not even sure what kind of advise I'm looking for... With somewhere between 30-45 days before our baby arrives, I naturally have some anxiousness around delivery and becoming a mom. I guess I'm just feeling alone.  It's not something I feel I can share with my husband since I have always maintained a "there's nothing to worry about and we'll handle everything just fine" kind if an attitude.  I'm the strong and confident one, after all...  Maybe it's pregnancy hormones getting to me right now. I don't know.

Thanks for listening.

[eesscott]

Yeah, that's how I feel Smashcakes... My original post was certainly a bit dramatic thanks to some poorly controlled hormones that day.  I've always gone through life knowing that I could handle absolutely anything and that worrying serves no purpose. Doesn't mean situations will turn out perfect (or even turn out ok) but I'm confident in my abilities to handle whatever's thrown at me. Worrying just makes you miserable before there is anything to actually be miserable about.

My husband can be the exact opposite and it's so painful to see him get distressed about things.  I don't want to talk to him about different things that could happen during delivery because he's already afraid that something will go wrong.  I keep pregnancy aches and pains to myself because one time I mentioned that my old abdominal surgery scar was bothering me and he concluded that I was developing a hernia (I was not...)

I'd love to actually talk to him about things that are on my mind, but it's just not worth seeing him get stressed out.

[Smashcakes]

I'm in the same boat with you. This is my husband's 1st baby and he's super nevous. I seem very laid back and won't tell him how nevous I am about the birth and stuff just bc I don't want to add to his stress. Sometimes I feel over welded but I know we will be ok. I just worie about him bc he's always so stressed out.

[Van818]

That's interesting. I'm the anxious/stressed one in our relationship and find it difficult dealing with my man who is always so relaxed it often feels like he's not interested. He takes things as they come whereas I need to work though all eventualities; plan and prepare. Although opposite to your situation, I also feel very alone at times. The only thing I find works is telling him what I need from him and why...it's not easy to ask as I am very independent but it is essential. He still doesn't get it but he tries and I have to be careful not to get too upset with him, especially with raging pregnancy hormones. As an example he told me he was taking his sons away this week rather than asking if I'd be ok with it. Obviously I know it's important he spends time with his kids, especially before they head back to school. But I had to point out to him that I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant with my first child and finding everything difficult and could do with having him around. We've only just moved in together and he's not here to help unpack, move boxes and furniture. And he missed my first antenatal class. Although I am quite annoyed that he's not here, I only mentioned by text that I thought he would have found the class useful and he responded saying yes he should have been there, which is huge progress. Probably because I kept my annoyances to myself!! Sorry,
I seem to have dumped my problems on you rather than actually being of any help. Suffice to say, I feel I understand your situation albeit opposite to mine. Communication is key...perhaps prefix your conversation with the fact that you need him to be strong/positive/calm or whatever for you...he might come up trumps. Make sure you let him know what you need before imparting your fears and don't expect he'll get it straight away either. These things take time. Good luck and keep calm. Hormones are a nightmare!

[megantea123]

Maybe look into some counseling for the two of you on how to better manage his stress and anxiety ... sounds like always being the strong and confident one is putting a lot of stress on yourself. And it's not fair to him either -- what happens when something stressful occurs and you're not there to deal with it for your husband? Once your baby comes, there will be tons of stressful times. Do you plan to never leave husband alone with your child because a stressful situation might occur?