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Concerning MIL.
Truth is, I could rant and rave about her all day long, but that is not what I want to do. I'm just going to explain the situation, and ask if you think I should be putting in effort towards this "relationship" with her or if not being involved and keeping to myself is the right thing -which is what I've been doing. It will be long, and I apologize, but if you take the time to read and comment, I truly appreciate it so much and thank you!
Four-five months ago her husband (boyfriends stepdad) came to stay for hunting, he and his friend were here for a week or a little more. They didn't spend any time with my boyfriend, and that's what he was looking forward to the most. -we live in Kentucky, our families live in Florida.- so anyways, me, my boyfriend, and his mother complained bak and forth about the situation the whole time he was here. They left, and I made the mistake by saying something about our electric bill being higher because they left lights on and blah blah. -I called her to apologize because I thought he was mad at us BOTH. Well it was just me. So I took the s.h.i.t for it, her yelling at me and belittling me -we moved past that, or so I thought.
We were visiting family and she didn't want much to do with me so instead of going over there to spend time with them, I chose my family and spent time with them and my brother I haven't seen in 5years. Nothing was mentioned or complained about to me. I did not tell my boyfriend not once he couldn't go there and had to be with me and my family. I offered many times and told him that it was okay if he staid there an I totally understood.
We left, and it was a month or so after and she still didn't have much to do with me, that's fine. But his dad freaked on me one day -he's a joke and his opinion is neither here nor there. The next day I ask her if she feels the same way about me, her reply was "it doesn't matter if I like you or if I don't. You are apart of my sons life and as long as you are you are apart of mine. And I won't let anything come between me and my son and granddaughter" -fair enough.
It upset me, but wasn't anything major. I talked to my boyfriend when he got home, because it made me sad and I wanted to just talk to him about it. I asked him not to say anything, that all I wanted was to talk about it and that's all. Well he blew it up, he called her, they were fck this fck that stupid uncalled for crap between them. Turns out he was pissed because he thought she was taking his dad's side -what? So she thought I was over here starting a whole bunch of stuff when I really wasn't. I was just talking to my boyfriend which i felt I should've been able to do without all this crap.
Since then, we haven't talked and I've kept to myself. No one asks me anything or about me or anything when on the phone with my boyfriend -that's okay. But I'm wondering if I should be making some type of effort? If I should be texting her or sending her pictures of the craft stuff I've been doing for my baby's room or something? No one is making an effort with me. So I'm just wondering?
Sorry it's so friggen long. If you made it here, I salut you. Thank you!
Four-five months ago her husband (boyfriends stepdad) came to stay for hunting, he and his friend were here for a week or a little more. They didn't spend any time with my boyfriend, and that's what he was looking forward to the most. -we live in Kentucky, our families live in Florida.- so anyways, me, my boyfriend, and his mother complained bak and forth about the situation the whole time he was here. They left, and I made the mistake by saying something about our electric bill being higher because they left lights on and blah blah. -I called her to apologize because I thought he was mad at us BOTH. Well it was just me. So I took the s.h.i.t for it, her yelling at me and belittling me -we moved past that, or so I thought.
We were visiting family and she didn't want much to do with me so instead of going over there to spend time with them, I chose my family and spent time with them and my brother I haven't seen in 5years. Nothing was mentioned or complained about to me. I did not tell my boyfriend not once he couldn't go there and had to be with me and my family. I offered many times and told him that it was okay if he staid there an I totally understood.
We left, and it was a month or so after and she still didn't have much to do with me, that's fine. But his dad freaked on me one day -he's a joke and his opinion is neither here nor there. The next day I ask her if she feels the same way about me, her reply was "it doesn't matter if I like you or if I don't. You are apart of my sons life and as long as you are you are apart of mine. And I won't let anything come between me and my son and granddaughter" -fair enough.
It upset me, but wasn't anything major. I talked to my boyfriend when he got home, because it made me sad and I wanted to just talk to him about it. I asked him not to say anything, that all I wanted was to talk about it and that's all. Well he blew it up, he called her, they were fck this fck that stupid uncalled for crap between them. Turns out he was pissed because he thought she was taking his dad's side -what? So she thought I was over here starting a whole bunch of stuff when I really wasn't. I was just talking to my boyfriend which i felt I should've been able to do without all this crap.
Since then, we haven't talked and I've kept to myself. No one asks me anything or about me or anything when on the phone with my boyfriend -that's okay. But I'm wondering if I should be making some type of effort? If I should be texting her or sending her pictures of the craft stuff I've been doing for my baby's room or something? No one is making an effort with me. So I'm just wondering?
Sorry it's so friggen long. If you made it here, I salut you. Thank you!
Me and my mother in law used to be so close and so many things happened to where me and her don't even say good morning anymore and we live together. We will be moving before baby is here and as long as s I am concerned she's going to have nothing to do with him the only way she'll see him is if my husband brings him. Just like u I tried to make everything better but she just doesn't care I guess. She has not in this whole time asked about the baby once the only reason she knows what we are having is because we talk about it with my brother in law and his wife (they are r the only ppl that have cared about my baby on his side). My husband is aware of this he doesn't like it but understands.if u have tried everything then u have done all u can do. Don't stress Ur self or Ur baby over somebody else even if it is family. Keep doing what u are doing and if she chooses to come around let her but don't beg her either. U worry only about Ur little family because that's what matters.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think your mom gave you some good advice hon. Try not to internalize this so much. Families are all different with not one being better than the other. I hope very much that when I'm a mother in law that misunderstandings don't happen so that there is a distance between me and my sons' families. She sounds like she has made some mistakes but I tell you . . . I would guess that she doesn't want a rift with you either. She is probably interpreting things a different way on her end. And then you both feel tense with each other. I hope you can get to a place where that doesn't exist anymore. You ALL will be happier (her included).
Who knows what goes on in her head but remember, people are just people. Just like you have thoughts of her, she has thoughts of you. And really, at the bottom of it is hurt. So---- I'd look at her coming as an opportunity to get things on a better page with her. Know that she will do things maybe differently than you, will irritate you, etc. This doesn't make her a bad person. We are all different and she is trying. She cares enough to come and see the baby and her son's family (which includes you).
so, try to make the best of it and have your end goal to be in a better place with her. good luck
Who knows what goes on in her head but remember, people are just people. Just like you have thoughts of her, she has thoughts of you. And really, at the bottom of it is hurt. So---- I'd look at her coming as an opportunity to get things on a better page with her. Know that she will do things maybe differently than you, will irritate you, etc. This doesn't make her a bad person. We are all different and she is trying. She cares enough to come and see the baby and her son's family (which includes you).
so, try to make the best of it and have your end goal to be in a better place with her. good luck
I am totally dreading her coming here. Although I know it's only for the baby, and to help me out, but I just don't want any bs. I have severe anxiety over the whole thing and her coming. I just wish it were different and she wasn't who she is.
I wish my boyfriend had my back that way, or atleast I don't know did something on my behalf to shut her up. But that is very unluckily. She's always right, even when she's not!! Both his parents, even when they treat me like total garbage and disrespect me I have to do something to completely overlook it. I think it's crap. Especially when they treat me worse then the dirt on their fkn shoes.
My parents are totally understanding and well mannered as well as their tempers. For the fact that, if they even have a temper! I've been around my parents for 24years and have never been spoken too so poorly and treated so badly. It's disgusting to me and the fact that my boyfriend is able to laugh it off when his dad treats him like garbage makes me sick and sad for him. There's no excuse for that, I couldn't imagine growing up never feeling good enough and always being treat like I am nothing just to overlook it and give respect to get nothing in return!
They make me furious.
I wish my boyfriend had my back that way, or atleast I don't know did something on my behalf to shut her up. But that is very unluckily. She's always right, even when she's not!! Both his parents, even when they treat me like total garbage and disrespect me I have to do something to completely overlook it. I think it's crap. Especially when they treat me worse then the dirt on their fkn shoes.
My parents are totally understanding and well mannered as well as their tempers. For the fact that, if they even have a temper! I've been around my parents for 24years and have never been spoken too so poorly and treated so badly. It's disgusting to me and the fact that my boyfriend is able to laugh it off when his dad treats him like garbage makes me sick and sad for him. There's no excuse for that, I couldn't imagine growing up never feeling good enough and always being treat like I am nothing just to overlook it and give respect to get nothing in return!
They make me furious.
I have 3 children she totally ignores because they're not her sons. I have my family, she's not part of it and her actions have burnt that bridge with me.
Oh wow, you're situation is mine exactly. Sometimes i send texts, but mostly i stay away. You cant change someone like that. Ive learned its a waste of time. And as long as you guys are financially stable, you're unemployment is none of her business. Mine thinks the same thing lol. She doesn't like me when i dont work. So my husband just tells her im working lol.
She used to treat me great, we used to talk daily and just b.s. And then his stepdad came to visit, I made a mistake by saying something about the electric, then I apologized and she totally flipped on me. Yelling at me and crap. Mind you, I have never even yelled with my own mother, and this woman is yelling at me? Wtf. I am not your kid. It was extremely disrespectful and it was unessiccary. I just called to apologize because I knew I was in the wrong.
After that we just didn't talk at all. I said f that. Then we went to Florida we spent our last two days at her house and she was totally fkn fake the whole time. Pretending everything was fine. And we got home and blah blah and I just lost interest once I found out she doesn't like me. All the effort I put in was useless and it kind of wore me out.
I'm not for certain why she doesn't like me. I know it has to do with me not having a job since I became pregnant. And my smug comment that I apologized for. But I mean, come on. She has major flaws, especially the way she treats her kids and how she is. But I don't not like her. It's just tiring.
After that we just didn't talk at all. I said f that. Then we went to Florida we spent our last two days at her house and she was totally fkn fake the whole time. Pretending everything was fine. And we got home and blah blah and I just lost interest once I found out she doesn't like me. All the effort I put in was useless and it kind of wore me out.
I'm not for certain why she doesn't like me. I know it has to do with me not having a job since I became pregnant. And my smug comment that I apologized for. But I mean, come on. She has major flaws, especially the way she treats her kids and how she is. But I don't not like her. It's just tiring.
His parents are just so different from mine. I don't know how to handle them. I've never been put into a position like this with anyone, especially an adult. I don't appreciate the way she talked to me and the way she talks about me. I thank God that we do live in Kentucky and not in Florida, because I honestly don't know what I would do.
I've never had an issue with an adult, and it be so blown up and my apology being totally meaningless as well as the conversation reguarding the apology. What is the point in being fake, I feel she is just wasting my time.
Truth is, I have no interest in calling her like I used too. I have no interest in hearing all the b.s drama in and around her life. She's like a teenager, keeping up with my boyfriends old friends and gossiping. It's fkn ridiculous.
She means a lot to my boyfriend, like most men he is a mommas boy. I have chosen to just not talk about it or my feelings towards her because it's better that way. I don't want to upset him, and somehow it always ends up being me and not her. I'm always the problem. Which I don't understand.
I've never had an issue with an adult, and it be so blown up and my apology being totally meaningless as well as the conversation reguarding the apology. What is the point in being fake, I feel she is just wasting my time.
Truth is, I have no interest in calling her like I used too. I have no interest in hearing all the b.s drama in and around her life. She's like a teenager, keeping up with my boyfriends old friends and gossiping. It's fkn ridiculous.
She means a lot to my boyfriend, like most men he is a mommas boy. I have chosen to just not talk about it or my feelings towards her because it's better that way. I don't want to upset him, and somehow it always ends up being me and not her. I'm always the problem. Which I don't understand.
My mom has told me that a MIL and a wife seem to have the most tumultuous relationship. This is because women are naturally competitive with each other, and the mom feels threatened by the wife, that she is taking the son away from the mom. It is ridiculous because they are totally different relationships.... nonetheless, the mom feels like she is going from the number 1 woman in her son's life, to number 2. Which, in all reality, she IS. But that doesn't make her any less his mother. I don't get it, and I have had some run ins with my MIL as well, but I just stay polite and keep the relationship going in the most positive way I can. Keep your chin up, everything will be fine.
I totally understand you dear. It happened to be before. My partner's mother is totally against me. We came to the point that she sent me legal complaints concerning about her son. Like WTF?! I'm the girl here and why would she act like that. I was having a hard time at my pregnancy that time. Too much stress and all. I almost gave up and end into a conclusion that maybe I should defend my self or ignore her for good. But I didn't do that. I did all my best to make her feel that I still respect her even though she didn't respect me. I even kept her updated on my pregnancy, especially the baby's condition. I cooked for her. Listened to her endless dilemmas even though it hurts me. I did that not because I want to, but because I loved my partner.
After I gave birth, her evil side gradually faded away. We bacame close to each other and she even said sorry to me for what she did before. She told me that she was just afraid that her son might lost contact to her that she was just afraid to lose her son.
I am now separated with my partner. Not because of her mother but because of some reason that we can no longer fix. Her mom and I still have communication. She still invite me if there is an occasion. Bought some gifts for me and for my daughter. She's also texting me every time her son has a new girl and tell me that she still wants me and that his son's girl can never do what I did for her.
Hope this will help you feel good. Just remember that there is always a rainbow after the rain. God bless you dear :)
After I gave birth, her evil side gradually faded away. We bacame close to each other and she even said sorry to me for what she did before. She told me that she was just afraid that her son might lost contact to her that she was just afraid to lose her son.
I am now separated with my partner. Not because of her mother but because of some reason that we can no longer fix. Her mom and I still have communication. She still invite me if there is an occasion. Bought some gifts for me and for my daughter. She's also texting me every time her son has a new girl and tell me that she still wants me and that his son's girl can never do what I did for her.
Hope this will help you feel good. Just remember that there is always a rainbow after the rain. God bless you dear :)
My mom said the same thing. That it's not rare for inlaws to dislike the other person. It just happens out of nowhere and it really pissed me off that I've been this big fool believing she cared for me pretending in my face! An exactly! She's a grown a.s.s woman, and my thing is when you have a problem with someone you talk about it and let it go afterwards and let it be what it is. Accept the fkn apology and move on. She can be very immature and I hate how she acts like she's this awesome person and it's so cool to be a b.itch and people are intimidated by her. I just know I will never be good enough for her son according to her.
My mom said to focus on us, that her opinion doesn't matter and I need to focus on my relationship. But I am scared she will come between us. That one day he will leave me because she doesn't like me. And I can't even talk to him about it because I don't want anything being said to her. I can't feel better by talking to him and finding some sort of comfort because it's just not worth it if he were to say something to her.
His dad is the same way. They have this off and on relationship. His dad is verbally abusive and cruel. We've been in Kentucky for two years and he lives here as well, we have gotten along maybe six months out of the two years we have been here. It's so foreign to me, I don't understand a relationship like that between parents. I wasn't raised around it. And everyone just says "that's just Paul" and moves on. I'm like f.uck that, especially this last time. He disrespected me so ridiculously that I won't just move on. I feel my daughter is coming into the world and she will not be around someone so awful! If it's not at home, she will not be around it. I don't give a f.
My mom said to focus on us, that her opinion doesn't matter and I need to focus on my relationship. But I am scared she will come between us. That one day he will leave me because she doesn't like me. And I can't even talk to him about it because I don't want anything being said to her. I can't feel better by talking to him and finding some sort of comfort because it's just not worth it if he were to say something to her.
His dad is the same way. They have this off and on relationship. His dad is verbally abusive and cruel. We've been in Kentucky for two years and he lives here as well, we have gotten along maybe six months out of the two years we have been here. It's so foreign to me, I don't understand a relationship like that between parents. I wasn't raised around it. And everyone just says "that's just Paul" and moves on. I'm like f.uck that, especially this last time. He disrespected me so ridiculously that I won't just move on. I feel my daughter is coming into the world and she will not be around someone so awful! If it's not at home, she will not be around it. I don't give a f.
I would honestly not worry about it. My STEP mom in law dislikes me. Shes tried to break my husband and i up several times when we were first together but we got married and here we are. She doesnt call, doesnt text, my husbands real dad doesnt even call my husband either not even for his birthday which is like WEIRD. And honestly at first i felt bad, but i realised shes like a grown woman with three other kids and she just doesnt deserve my attention. Shes immature and thats not my fault. She doesnt like me and i have done anything wrong. Never bad mouthed her, listened to her, i was respectful. Honestly dont even worry about it. You dont need to be worrying about people who want to make things harder for especially during your pregnancy. Focus on yourself, your boyfriend and your baby.
I often feel that way, and I still do. I don't know. I feel like an idiot thinking these people liked me this whole time while they have actually just been faking it to my face. I get total anxiety thinking of what she may of said about me to her husband and daughter, and also people outside the family because God knows she talks crap to everyone...
I don't even understand why she doesn't like me anymore. She used to adore me and I don't know. Now she just ignores me. And I'm totally freaking about her coming here for a week after the baby. A total panic attack over it. And I can't talk to my boyfriend about it. I learned my lesson with that. It just makes me feel alone because I can't talk to him about it or how I feel...
She told him it's all in my head. I'm so fkn sick of hearing that! Due to my anxiety everyone thinks they can say that. I have real fkn feelings.
I don't even understand why she doesn't like me anymore. She used to adore me and I don't know. Now she just ignores me. And I'm totally freaking about her coming here for a week after the baby. A total panic attack over it. And I can't talk to my boyfriend about it. I learned my lesson with that. It just makes me feel alone because I can't talk to him about it or how I feel...
She told him it's all in my head. I'm so fkn sick of hearing that! Due to my anxiety everyone thinks they can say that. I have real fkn feelings.
If i was you. I would just leave it alone. I wouldn't call, text, or email.
I don't like issues either. I am thankful we live in Kentucky, it's a lot as is. I don't understand why she's so against me now. I know she isn't happy about me not having a job during my pregnancy, and I agree with that I should've, but now it's too late. I'm due in three weeks, like wtf. I made that stupid comment and she still holds it on me and it really erks me. I have a total panic attack sometimes thinking about her being here after the baby is born for a week or more. I am thankful she is finally working and can't just stay however long, but even a week seems to be too much for me.
She talks major crap about everyone, and she used to adore me. It seems like ever since I got pregnant she is against me. As if I've done this to her son purposely and I'm this bad awful person. I'm a good person, who at times can say stupid s.h.i.t but everyone does. I hate her making me feel like garbage. I'm good to her son and I'm a good girlfriend. We did this together and have lived together just fine without her or anyone. We struggle but who doesn't. As if she has anything in her life together at all. I don't know. Just don't like feeling like garbage when I'm not. Super anxious and uncomfortable with her coming here after the baby is born.
I will do what you've both suggested and leave it at that. It does suck to be the only one trying. It also ***** because she's so fake and I never know when something is real or not coming from her. My anxiety is so bad with her, around or not.
She talks major crap about everyone, and she used to adore me. It seems like ever since I got pregnant she is against me. As if I've done this to her son purposely and I'm this bad awful person. I'm a good person, who at times can say stupid s.h.i.t but everyone does. I hate her making me feel like garbage. I'm good to her son and I'm a good girlfriend. We did this together and have lived together just fine without her or anyone. We struggle but who doesn't. As if she has anything in her life together at all. I don't know. Just don't like feeling like garbage when I'm not. Super anxious and uncomfortable with her coming here after the baby is born.
I will do what you've both suggested and leave it at that. It does suck to be the only one trying. It also ***** because she's so fake and I never know when something is real or not coming from her. My anxiety is so bad with her, around or not.
If you are going to let go everything thing that has happened, regardless of how your boyfriends mother feels or acts then yes give it a shot. Being the bigger person is the right thong to do but it Su cks when you are the only one trying.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Here's my thing. I don't like rifts. I will never be to blame for one. So, I'd send her an occasional email or 'whatever' with a short update on the baby and your family life. I'd do it without ANY expectations back. Then, you've kept communication open, done the right thing and not bought into her negativity. If you do it without any expectations---- you'll never be disappointed. You can think of it as a family (your family-- you, boyfriend and baby) news letter just keeping her in the know.
That's what I'd do. I don't write someone like my significant other's mother off for good. good luck
That's what I'd do. I don't write someone like my significant other's mother off for good. good luck
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