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Me and my bf
So we broke up and our baby is due in 53 days ... long story short we been arguing bad Andi have been uncontrollably violent  I feel so bad cuz I've done a said some of the worst and I do I mean I do love him I guess I'm still mad about the past even infidelity and drama although we haven't had a infidelity problem in a very long time I'm still angry and scared I guess I'm not over it and I probably shouldn't have tried to fix it while still being hurt now he's gone pack all his stuff hopped on the bus wouldn't even let me drop him off I was crying so bad he doesn't respond to mgs won't even call our daughter this ain't the first time we broke up but he has never not called or asked to get her he's really mad and now she has to suffer with me I cried at 6am when she woke up looking for him ... I really want him to at least call her I want him home also but I'll be okay with him just calling hurt I can't believe I did the things I did any advice to get him to come home or at least speak to me
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973741 tn?1342346373
I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time.  I appreciate your honesty here.  I know it is hard to admit when we were in the wrong and knowing that you were out of control and said and did things that were out of line allows you to be contrite sincerely.  And find solutions so this gets under control.  Hormones are bad but we can't use them as an excuse to have a volatile home or relationship.  That's not a safe place for kids, you or your boyfriend as it makes everyone feel unstable.  So, creating a healthy, calm and stable environment for the family is the goal here.  But I know you know that.  

What do you mean by uncontrollably violent?  Did you get physical?  That is particularly concerning.  Whether you are harboring past resentment and anger, going 'there' is very dysfunctional.  Because, could it be your daughter next?  The new baby?  Scary thoughts and I'm NOT judging.  I understand.  Rage is powerful and can overtake us.  But you would be best served to investigate anger management strategies.  Even formally with a counselor or group program.  This will help you learn how to cope at times when you want to react to your rage in an abusive manner.  One thing can start doing right now is look for the warning signs that the rage is about to happen.  Your pulse may quicken, you may be getting a bit shorter of breath, your voice gets louder, your hands form fists, you are getting red, your chest burns a little.  All of these things are your rage/anger ramping up.  So, when you feel the slightest bit of that starting----  STOP.  Walk to somewhere by yourself (bathroom, bedroom, closet, outside) and start taking deep breaths with square breathing (breath in for 4, hold 4, breath out for 4, hold 4, repeat).  This slows it all down so you are much less likely to react.  You can have a pillow in the spot you go to and punch that pillow if you need to.  Scream into it.  Just don't do it to the people in the home (boyfriend/kids).  This strategy doesn't mean that you aren't still angry or that you don't have a right to be angry---  it just helps you channel it so that rage isn't taken  out on people and then you can problem solve for what is causing the rage calmly after you release the rage elsewhere.  Does that make sense?

And if you are working on this----  making significant effort to work on the outbursts and volatility---  your boyfriend may soften and feel it is safe to come back.  

Let me know what you think and I hope it all works out hon.  hugs
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I need to get some help I feel like such a douche bag
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134578 tn?1483549754
You seem to think that the problem is how to get him to come back, but the problem is how to control your rage and create a stable household.  It's hard to imagine he will come back if you won't do this.  And it's actually hard to imagine you will be able to keep your kids if your rage keeps appearing in front of them like this, so the situation is more serious than you think.  You sound like you're feeling abject and sorry, but you have to turn this into action or you really aren't being sorry enough.  Phone the Domestic Abuse hotline now, and get some resources, and ACT on them.  Make appointments and GO to them.  Do the things they suggest.  Practice the techniques.  Work out your life's knotty tangles.  Your boyfriend coming back is not the solution.  You becoming able to handle your anger is the solution.
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so far we been speaking he brought me some money yesterday and today we went to get food
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