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11133727 tn?1417112793

arguments

Me n my boyfriend. He might b my x right now argues. We argue alot. We were never really happy together although we wanted the same things loyalty and family. It just hasnt been n e real blissful happiness since 2012. We have been through alot we have coped w. Alot. I know he will b a good father but what to do? I dont think he will ever b what i truly want? Should i settle for our child? I really dont want to go back to my families house w. A new born baby. Due in April.  
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Things have been great. No arguments. We didnt kiss for about two days but then that changed. I took time for myself got my hair and toes done. We didnt do counseling yet but w s have done parenting classes which brought us closer. He hints that i may be a fiancee by christmas. I will update.
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Avatar universal
Specialmom is so wonderful and caring.
I agree with her about counseling. You might be surprised at how much it can help your relationship.
You do have a baby on the way and that is the most important thing right now. I really hope your boyfriend will give counseling a chance not only for himself but for you and the baby.
Please keep us up to date on how things are going.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I'm glad to have helped and am here any time you need to vent or talk.  Let me know how it goes, okay?  Relationships to me evolve.  And you nurture them and help them grow in a positive direction.  Sometimes the relationship needs a lot of tender loving care to grow but if you stick with it, it will.  Hopefully he'll wise up and become a great partner for you so that you two will be happy.  Peace and hugs
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11133727 tn?1417112793
At least i hope there is no infidelity :/... it is stressful... we didnt argue today tho thank the man above. But not blissful yet :/ i appreciate everyones advice n those who admit that they are going through this. I dont feel so alone. And i appreciate what seems like genuine concern n care. This was nice.
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Thanks for your story it does bring some hope...
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Alright. I def spoke on that w. A good friend of mine using counseling to help our relationship and not look for an answer of whether to stick w. This or not. But i think u can c how unfair that is or how immature the ring situation is. I guess i just have to be patient w. Him but his actions hurt sometimes. Its no infidelity but he is very cold. to try and understand my feelings or point of view he doesnt do that. The counseling will probably come soon n i will update u specialmom
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that hurts about the ring.  I can see how that would really bother you.  It's not supposed to be like that when a man asks you to be his wife.  They don't hold it over your head like a token you must earn.  
My suggestion is to NOT mention the ring again.  Don't talk about marriage.  Drop it completely.  Then if he asks you to marry him---  it's not like 'you've been a good girl' or any of that kind of c rap.  

Counseling is good but it is hard because they have to be fair to both and sometimes say things that are difficult to hear.  But if you go into it with the soul desire to improve things (rather than deciding if you should be together) and both of you approach it that way---  it can be great for learning how to communicate and connect.

I am guessing his canceling that ring -- the first one lead to great disappointment in you and your looking at him differently.

Hang in there.  couples can work through these things as long as they really want to. If you still want to, keep at it.  peace and hugs
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Awe thanks specialmom. I will try but idk... i would do counseling now.
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Times... and he's very spiteful. We didn't think i could get pregnant and both wanted a child so i tried very hard to achieve this blessing and we are happy about that. But he knew i wanted to be engaged and he canceled
the first ring. Its Christmas he tells me there is a ring but now we just got into more arguments and he holds many desire for a ring over my head like I'm a child. And i get tired of his ways i feel like he definitely takes advantage how much i love him and how loyal i am that he feels like he doesn't have to put in effort to be more nice. He will bee there financially but can duo that. I want to be held more and just treated like I'm precious. He doesn't fulfill this most of the time
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Someone once told me that if I made baby steps in the relationship to improve it---  being gentler, less critical, etc. that my husband would follow.  It really did work that way!  Maybe make a goal to try that for a week and see how you feel.  hugs
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Don't give up hope sweetie. I honestly was there with my husband and we turned it around.  I really love him so much and during our 'bad time'--- I was hard pressed to feel that.  I just tell you that to give you hope that things CAN turn around.  Would you go to counseling now??
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11133727 tn?1417112793
You guys were awesome. Sometimes it is like... when we first got together we knew we were complete opposites and that intrigued us. Finding things or about each other was fun. We were a great team. Accomplished many things together and grew together but then the opposites just seemed more annoying where we would start calling each other out for our flaws or differences and we both did it. There was a time b4 i was pregnant where i believe he loved me and wanted to make work so he suggested counseling. At the time i was afraid someone would tell us we need to separate so i told him no on that. Now i wish we would but it's too late we've said hurtful things and threw in the towel so much
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Avatar universal
Great advise as always Specialmom.
I was wondering the same thing. Why would you get pregnant and bring a child in to this world with a person you're not happy with? It would have been so much better to wait for the right man, get married, and then decide if you want children.
But, you are pregnant and that is not going to change. Maybe you should try your best to make your relationship work. If things just can not work between you and your partner you can co parent. It's so important to for a child to have both of their parents in their lives whenever possible.
I hope everything works out for you. We're always here to listen and help anyway we can.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Gosh, if it wasn't good since 2012, did the pregnancy just pop up without you expecting it?  I'm just asking because you seem unhappy and like you have been for a while and NOW you are expecting when you had the opportunity to leave before getting pregnant.  being pregnant does complicate things.

I'm wondering if you two can learn to get along better.  I will tell you that I went through a period of time that I argued a lot with my husband.  I was unhappy and am pretty sure he was as well.  BUT, we are married and I take that vow really seriously and wanted to try to figure it out.  So, we worked on it.  I learned that I was often too picky.  I sometimes wasn't fair in accepting that he was human too and had his own way of doing things and opinions and I kind of wanted things MY way.  LOL  I guess it wasn't really funny though as we had issues.  And he also wanted things HIS way.  We butted heads.  When we decided to be a TEAM, it got much better.  Being respectful of his opinions and thoughts and little habits that are unique to him helped me not be so critical.  To be more supportive.  And when I did that, he also did the same in kind.  So, the tension level decreased significantly.  Then we began doing things that were just about us . . .   dates and things like that.  We worked on our communication.  We reminded ourselves what we loved about each other from the beginning.  And we have gotten to a really happy place.  And stayed there now for a good long time.  

So, I tell you my personal story because there was a bit of time I thought "I might not be able to do this".  And we worked it out to where I'm genuinely very happy in my marriage and with my husband.  And he is the same.  And our home life is peaceful for us and our kids.

good luck
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Avatar universal
I was just about to post about this. My situation is similar. But I live on my own. I am going to try and make it work for our son but if it doesn't happen then we have to learn to coparent. Try to cut down on the arguing you baby feels what you feel. Good luck. I am due in April as well.
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11133727 tn?1417112793
Thanks girls
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Avatar universal
I think you are now obligated to give your family every chance possible and once you do then you will have to make a choice.
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Avatar universal
Would you give up if you were married? Try to find what it was you had with him, talk to him, and if afterwards, you are still not happy,  leave. You may have to stay at your family's,  but only until you can stand on your own! Good luck!
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