bf leaving..

[jennifersuedavis]

My bf just broke up with me, im 4 months pregnant and i dont know what to do or how to stop crying. I dont know if its just his bipolar or if he's serious and he says he wants the baby but were just not going to be a family. Hes just so immature and i dont know how to not feel depressed or get things better. he says i had all of this coming for saying not to use a condom but we've been talking about having a baby anyways.

[jennifersuedavis]

Thank you, i agree i feel like he would have to see and be able to hold the baby before he wants to step up. Your mom gave some great advice ill definitely remember that. Im going to try to just focus on my son and hope things are okay

[xojensen_]

I'm so sorry, I feel like some guys love the idea of a baby but hate the responsiblity. But Kaila is right your main priority now is your baby. And sure break ups suck especially with so much history behind it but I've realized that it always falls back to a comfort level where it hurts the most, you're just so use to him that you feel it's impossible to not see him in your future. But one thing my mom has always told me was "you've lived 21 years without him in your life and you can live another 21 years without him as well.."

Another thing she's always told me is "a woman becomes a mother when she becomes pregnant and a man becomes a father when he sees his baby" I know this may sound tough but I think you need to put your foot down.. Show him you really don't need him and as hard as it may look you will do it on your own. All you need is a good support system and yourself to stay postive.

I wish you the best of luck and just remember no matter what happens you'll always have your beautiful baby who will always love you unconditionally <3 stay strong

[jennifersuedavis]

Thank u i feel more calm now and thankfully my parents are very supportive

[Kailalaa]

That's good then, perhaps staying with your parents is better,as long as its not a stressful environment. And you're young, there a lot of great programs out there for young moms, a lot of financial help that you're probably a good candidate for. You can do it alone, being a single mom would be hard but if that's what ends up happening, dont feel like its impossible. Ask for help, I'm sure you're parents would be glad to offer you some. Stay strong (:

[jennifersuedavis]

And you are very right about him being immature, his main priority is himself while mine is our baby and family

[jennifersuedavis]

Thank you ladies for responding. Im 22 and he is 23, i was living with him but thankful my parents still will let me stay with them. Hes great when he wants to be otherwise he dont seem to care about me and the baby which makes it harder when he gives me hope.

[arlenejacob]

I agree kailalaa, it's hard but you should do it on your own, my friend went thru that too, the guy said he was sorry wanted to take care of things, and sure enough she believed him and she moved in with him, he wouldn't come come in the nights he even beat her, I'm not saying that will happen to u but it's just diff. Senarios to think about. At the end of the day it's your decision. But your baby's health and for yours too come first. Don't beg.

[Kailalaa]

Okay first off, you have to just breathe and try to relax as hard as that seems right now. Nothing good ever comes from rash decisions or a broken heart, and you want to be calm for baby. Secondly, how old are you both? Your other post makes it seem like you might be better off forgoing this without him (as hard as that may seem) and perhaps finding your support through family or loyal friends. That may sound harsh, and I don't mean it to be, but your baby is now your number 1 priority. The fact that he wasn't helping you with any baby things or really being interested at all sounds less like baby jitters and more like immaturity. Some men do have issues coping with becoming a father, but generally (or at least in my own experience) the cold feet is show in a disinterest in shopping or setting up the nursery or waiting forever to choose a name. Not so much a lack of support, like you previously described. As hard as it may sounds, if he's going to make you feel guilty about a baby you both wanted, and isn't willing to try and be a family for the baby, it might be better for everyone. No baby should grow up in a home with parents who fight and hate each other, they need stability and a healthy environment. If you think he can provide that for you both and you can work things out, then try that. Otherwise you may be better off figuring things out alone with some added support from loved ones.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know its awful and I wish you the best. Just try to do what is best for you and the baby, in the end that's what's most important