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Sister stealing my moment
I'm 25 wks 4 days pregnant. Well, recently I found out my sister is also pregnant. She is 16 wks and some days. I'm mad because my sister is supposed to host my baby shower which is July 9th and she might steal the spotlight. I didn't congratulate her. I just said this is supposed to be my moment. For goodness sakes she has an 1 1/2 year old who isn't potty trained. He didn't have no time to be the baby. I'm I being selfish and mean?
My sister and I were pregnant together, and she lost that baby to placenta previa, horribly, at 25 weeks. Beautiful little girl.
Then, we were pregnant again together a few years later and we both have wonderful boys.
Being pregnant together was wonderful. Raising boys the same age was also fabulous.
I'm curious, why you didn't "lead" with your concerns about your sister in your first post until you were called petty.
Why wasn't your first post something on the order of, my sister is struggling already to support her kids and now she's pregnant again. I'm pregnant too and am concerned I'll be asked to share my diapers and other baby items when I really don't have a lot extra to give. Why not that? Why the jealousy that she will "steal your spotlight"?
Just curious - your viewpoint changed drastically when you got feedback.
Then, we were pregnant again together a few years later and we both have wonderful boys.
Being pregnant together was wonderful. Raising boys the same age was also fabulous.
I'm curious, why you didn't "lead" with your concerns about your sister in your first post until you were called petty.
Why wasn't your first post something on the order of, my sister is struggling already to support her kids and now she's pregnant again. I'm pregnant too and am concerned I'll be asked to share my diapers and other baby items when I really don't have a lot extra to give. Why not that? Why the jealousy that she will "steal your spotlight"?
Just curious - your viewpoint changed drastically when you got feedback.
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The main focus was her stealing the spotlight which is petty of me. But the bigger issue at hand is her being unable to support the children she has and expecting another one which
Happens to be the same time as me. This could be great if I didn't suspect my sister is going to ask me and mom to help support her. So that's three children in all that I'll be supporting. My son,my baby and her new born. Oh and possibly her 1 year old too. Which is why I said I'll leave it in God's hand. BTW I'm not making any of this up if that what you're hinting at. The spotlight stealing just led to a bigger issue at hand.
Happens to be the same time as me. This could be great if I didn't suspect my sister is going to ask me and mom to help support her. So that's three children in all that I'll be supporting. My son,my baby and her new born. Oh and possibly her 1 year old too. Which is why I said I'll leave it in God's hand. BTW I'm not making any of this up if that what you're hinting at. The spotlight stealing just led to a bigger issue at hand.
Yes. I seriously doubt your sister got pregnant on purpose to "steal your spotlight". It's not a competition. And what difference does it make that she has a 1.5 year old that isn't potty trained? How do you know she's not going to try potty training before her next baby comes? What if the child isn't ready? You can't really force them into it. Sorry to say but you're being petty. She's throwing you a shower and you can't even congratulate her on her new pregnancy...hate to say it but you're being immature about the situation. The very least you can do is apologize and congratulate her. Call me rude or w.e, but I call them like I see them.
Wow. Your first post was all about 'stealing your moment' so I think the jealousy is yours not hers. Then you back track and say she can't support her little boy. Sorry the first post shows what really bothers you. It's too bad you can't be happy about being pregnant and having babies so close together. That should be exciting not something to be jealous about. And it's unfortunate that your mom is the type of person to encourage bad feelings between her own children. If you think the baby shower is all about you and 'your' moment then perhaps you are having a baby for the wrong reasons. It's not about attention. It's about celebrating a precious new life.
Its petty to be worried about all this. Just pray to have healthy children nothing else matters..
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I feel the same way it's very petty. That's her sister everyone should just be happy to deliver healthy baby's.
Im 28 weeks pregnant . N my sister Just came out pregnant. She fue in dec im due in sep. I already have a 1 yr old. And even tho im expecting i feel like ppl r still more excited for her cause thats her first baby. This is my second baby! So maybe people will still be more excited for u then for u sister. God bless u guys n hope everything turns out ok: )
My sister informed me that she was pregnant when my husband and I had been trying for over a year. I didn't tell her we were trying, and less than 2 months layer I found out I was pregnant. I was upset because she ended up giving birth in the time frame I wanted (May) but I have less than 4 weeks to go. She was excited that our kids will be so close in age and have someone to play with. I'm happy about it too. I also have a 2 yr old who is still in diapers (not for lack of trying). I also have a 12 yr old with my ex husband. I can support my kids, even if tho gs will be tight for a while. I think you should be happy to have kids close in age that will not only be cousins, but friends. I grew up with a cousin who was a month and a half younger than me. My mom babysat him and we grew up more like siblings than cousins.
With respect, Casper, she's feeling like her sister is not doing things the way she would and she is judging a 1 1/2 year old boy' as ready to potty train as a way to put down her sister's presumed future request for diapers. This makes her foresee a time when she will have to take care of things that her sister has done and is not taking care of. She is also put in mind of the fact that she wanted to be special at the moment for her pregnancy, and now she feels like her sister is horning in by also getting pregnant, and dropping the ball on celebrating her pregnancy as expected. I'd say that she was not so much asking for advice as just venting.
jenwo, all you can do is cope with one thing at a time. Don't borrow trouble on the future-diaper-mooching scenario, deal with it if it happens but not sooner. Try not to resent that she has lost interest in meeting over the shower. She's taking care of a 1 1/2 year old, and that's a job by itself, and she obviously is already over her head. Please listen to specialmom when she points out that many boys don't potty train until age 3.5. The child has to recognize the body's signal, be able to stop what he or she is doing and go to the bathroom, be able to undress, be able to "hold it" until on the potty, then be able to let it go, and then be able to dress again. This is beyond the ability of almost all 1 1/2 year olds, especially boys. Taking off the diaper is only one small item on the list, and at age 1 1/2 he's more likely doing it because diapers are easy to take off than any other reason, like some kids always take off their socks at that age.
Anyway, good luck to you, again, take things one at a time.
jenwo, all you can do is cope with one thing at a time. Don't borrow trouble on the future-diaper-mooching scenario, deal with it if it happens but not sooner. Try not to resent that she has lost interest in meeting over the shower. She's taking care of a 1 1/2 year old, and that's a job by itself, and she obviously is already over her head. Please listen to specialmom when she points out that many boys don't potty train until age 3.5. The child has to recognize the body's signal, be able to stop what he or she is doing and go to the bathroom, be able to undress, be able to "hold it" until on the potty, then be able to let it go, and then be able to dress again. This is beyond the ability of almost all 1 1/2 year olds, especially boys. Taking off the diaper is only one small item on the list, and at age 1 1/2 he's more likely doing it because diapers are easy to take off than any other reason, like some kids always take off their socks at that age.
Anyway, good luck to you, again, take things one at a time.
Some brutal people making comments. Take it easy guys. She can't help how she feels no more than you all can help feeling some of the things you probably feel. She was looking advice, not criticism.
Everyone has negative thoughts from time whether they are right or wrong. We're only human. :>) I'm sorry you are having this difficulty with your sister. I understand your feelings and think you acknowledge that you wish you didn't have them! I do think we have eb and flow with emotions . . . feel really agitated and angry about something one day and then kind of 'over it' the next and then it can flare again. So, maybe the feelings will go away. I hope so as I'm sure you do to. No one wants to feel that way at their joyous time. No one steals your thunder because YOU are so happy. You just can't take that away from you. :>) Keep your own focus on you and your growing family.
I do want to say though . . . my boys were extremely slow to potty train! The average age in the United States for boys is 3.5 if you can believe that. I got one potty trained before that and another that was that age. Very normal for some boys to take a long time potty training and I think 1.5 is really early statistically. More power to you but I'd try to tone down the potty training expectation of others. Lots of people feel judged by that and it is often not realistic.
Anyway, hang in there. I hope it gets better hon!
I do want to say though . . . my boys were extremely slow to potty train! The average age in the United States for boys is 3.5 if you can believe that. I got one potty trained before that and another that was that age. Very normal for some boys to take a long time potty training and I think 1.5 is really early statistically. More power to you but I'd try to tone down the potty training expectation of others. Lots of people feel judged by that and it is often not realistic.
Anyway, hang in there. I hope it gets better hon!
I didn't even attempt to potty train my son before 2.5 so I have no idea why having a 1.5 year old in nappies is such a big issue to you. I do think you're being meanand selfish. If you don't want to help your family, don't. But it sounds like the only one making this into a competition is you.
jen, I'm not insinuating at all that you're making anything up. I'm sure this is exactly as you say - your sister is unable to fully support her children.
My point is, the bigger problem in your posts is "this was supposed to be your moment". I just think that although you have legitimate and real concerns about your sister's ability to support her kids, you need to be aware of your wanting the entire spotlight right now, and keep that in check so it doesn't make you look very petty.
So. Maybe get her a cute card or send her a cute text, congrats on your pregnancy sis glad we're in this together.
Although you don't feel that way. Sometimes, faking feeling generous and loving is the thing to do.
And honestly, if I were hosting a shower for you and announced that I'm also pregnant and you said "I thought this was supposed to be my moment", I would stop planning it also.
Best wishes. What matters most is how you behave - regardless of what you're feeling inside.
My point is, the bigger problem in your posts is "this was supposed to be your moment". I just think that although you have legitimate and real concerns about your sister's ability to support her kids, you need to be aware of your wanting the entire spotlight right now, and keep that in check so it doesn't make you look very petty.
So. Maybe get her a cute card or send her a cute text, congrats on your pregnancy sis glad we're in this together.
Although you don't feel that way. Sometimes, faking feeling generous and loving is the thing to do.
And honestly, if I were hosting a shower for you and announced that I'm also pregnant and you said "I thought this was supposed to be my moment", I would stop planning it also.
Best wishes. What matters most is how you behave - regardless of what you're feeling inside.
I also threw my sisters shower as it was her first baby. I don't think she ever felt like she was stealing her moment. The only time anything was mentioned about my pregnancy was when my mom wanted to get a belly to belly picture of us. Otherwise sue and her bany were the focus of the party. She's only jokingly upset with me that I don't know the gender and wk t give her the envelope with the gender in it. I was going to, bUT decided that u don't want any chance of anyone ruining the surprise for me...and I thought I should get to share the news with everyone.
And i should have mentioned one and a half year old kids are too young to potty train. You can get them out of diapers at that point, by being constantly putting them on the toilet and predicting when they will need to pee and poop, but they won't be able to self-toilet and self-regulate until after 2 years old. So potty training can be a quick easy process when they're ready, or it can be a frustrating long drawn out process if you start when they're a year and a half.
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I know children aren't the same but my son was ready to be potty trained @ my nephews age. My nephew is showing signs because he takes his diaper off. My sister could save up to get him I potty. She is definitely going to have it hard with two babies in diapers . The least she can do is get a potty and attempt to potty trained him. If he's not ready she's in for a rude awakening. I'm not going to be able to help her buy pampers because I'll have to provide pampers for my baby. I'll try to talk to her about getting a job but I know she won't being that she quit her job when she was 4 months pregnant with my nephew.
Exactly. I had a little resentment towards my sister and other friends that were pregnant. I never showed it, but I learned to let it go, because you can't change the past. No sense being angry over situations you can't control.
When you've lost a child, you don't let the small stuff bother you so much anymore...like other people getting pregnant for example...there is no point in being mad about a situation that is not in your control and there's nothing you can do about it.
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You are right which is why I said I'm going to pray and let God handle it. Not much else I can do
Ok the pregnant at the same time we share that. But I'm talking about having to support my sister's child as well as my own. Now can u say u had to do that? Sorry for your sister lost. I never experienced stillbirth but I have had a miscarriage before. This situation with my sister is sticky. I'll just have to leave it in God's hand.
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Correction sorry for Your lost. That's probably why u seem to be taking this hard.
I have been in your position actually. Me and my older sister were pregnant at the same time, but mine ended in a stillbirth, so excuse me if I don't share any sympathy to your situation.
You make valid points. I'll probably just end up hosting my own shower. Moms not into hosting. Not knocking anyone who has multiple kids in diapers. But I just feel that my sister should have been taking precaution since she barely can support the baby she has now. I'll probably be a sucker and give her the diapers when she asked since our babies will be 2 months apart and I can't let my niece or nephew suffer for her parents mishaps. Yes my sister bd is in good health but barely helps out. This is just something that I'll have to pray about.
Maybe you're right. She probably didn't didn't get pregnant on purpose. However, our mother said she was jealous of me when she found out I was pregnant. The point I'm trying to make is, it's going to be hard for her. Since she will have two babies in diapers. She depends on me and my mom to help support my nephew now because she has no job. My nephew is showing signs of being ready to potty trained because he takes off his diaper. Most likely, she'll be asking me to give some of my baby's pampers. She should have been taking precaution since she's barely able to take care of the children she has. Far as the baby shower, I've basically been planning my own shower. Every time I try to contact my sister she makes up excuses as to why she can't meet me. Call me petty all you want but you aren't in my position,so you don't know what I'm going through.
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I'm gonna have 3 in diapers; my kids will be less than 4 yrs apart; Just shy of ages 2 and 3 and yes my almost 3 yr old is not potty trained even though were trying and my almost 2 yr old shows no signs of getting there anytime soon either. Even if she did get pregnant on purpose it is what it is and all you can do is rise above it. If she asks you for things like diapers just tell her you need them, if your done with that size does it really matter if she asks? As for the shower is there someone else - possibly your mom, that can take on the hosting role? I've been to plenty of showers where there have been multiple prego ppl and the spot light was still on the person whom the shower was for (which is the baby!)
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