need advice

[NikkiRenaee]

I'm a teen mother under 18. I'm very stressed out by my child's father,and my mother.my mother showed up at the father's house (uninvited)two weeks ago and spoke to the father he is under 18 and lives with his mother too. My mother spoke to him without his mother knowing. The father mentioned he wanted a DNA test to be 100% sure because he doesn't trust me.he also said he wanted to visit the hospital during the time after delivery. He wanted to sign the birth certificate before it is made final.and then my mother left his house. Last week my mother showed up AGAIN (uninvited) and spoke to the guy's mom without him there.the father told his mother that he wasn't the only one having sex with me and he doesn't think it's his (which is a lie) so when my mother talked to the mom she told the mom what he said. I didn't say anything because I was annoyed,and I don't speak about people without them there. Less than 30 minutes after leaving. The father got a call from his mother and the mother was mad at him and cursed at him. After he got that call he calls me. And I answer and I tried explaining that I didn't say anything and it was just my mom and I told her not to go if he wasn't there. While I was speaking his phone lost signal. So I went to shower because of bad braxton hicks. While I was showering my phone was on silent. When I got out the shower I received a message from him and he was threatning me and calling me out my name. And I haven't spoken to him since. I wanted my child to be able to bond with her father but it seems like he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I'm so stressed and tired.

[LalaLand8]

No one knows the future boo! Right now focus on you and your baby! Get finished with school if you're not already and do what you can to stay happy! nothing is more important than the health of your baby and the peace of mind you will get when you let this situation work itself out without stressing you out! I'm saying a prayer for you right now! ♥♥♥

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm sorry, as I said.  But this guy, is not going to be that father.  The reason I say this in what probably seems a heartless way is that when we delude ourselves, we lead ourselves into bad corners.  It would be sweet to meet a man who is a good father and makes up for all the pain of your childhood as well.  But this kid who impregnated you is not raising his hand and stepping up for that role, and you need to be ready to know that so you can make realistic plans.  This does not sentence you or your child to an unhappy life.  The more forward-thinking you are on this, the happier it will be.

[NikkiRenaee]

The baby is provided for already. But i know it hurts growing not knowing your father when he is alive and healthy and does not live in another state. When I was growing up I cried so many times because I didn't know my father and I felt like I wasn't good enough to know him. It was sad seeing fathers involved with their children at school and I couldn't even hear my father's voice.

[AnnieBrooke]

Please tell your mom that she is not helping anything by showing up at his house and causing problems, then let it go if you can.  And ignore that the father is acting like a kid, frankly, he is a kid.  Keep in mind that what you need from this guy is child support only.  I am sorry if you had sweet dreams of a child bonding with a father, but that is not this father, you might as well be clear that you are regretting your dreams and not the real guy.  

See a family-law specialist about how to make a proper and official DNA test happen.  Get the name of a lab, one certified by the courts in your own jurisdiction for determining paternity, and learn what steps need to be taken -- this is not a situation for a Walgreen's test.  When your mom gets in the middle again tell her what you are going to do (if you have any written material on what has to happen to file for child support or get a DNA test, show it to her).  The only way to keep her from messing in your situation is to be totally on top of it yourself and not in drama or helplessness.  (That just opens the door for her to leap in and supposedly try to "fix" things.)

Let the kid's snotty comments about you and other guys roll off your back.  Just calmly tell him it's not true, and go on about your business of being ready to serve him with child-support papers when the DNA test confirms everything.

And have one ounce of pity, he is just becoming aware that he is going to owe $x a month for the next 18 years, all for some sex.  That is an existential life changing awareness for any male.