prenatal depression: venting/need help.

[DonielleRae]

I am 13 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I am experiancing extreme prenatal depression. I feel empty inside, and alone. Im hoping to find someone to talk to.
A little background... When I was 12 I was raped. I was dianosed with PTSD, manic deprrssive, and bipolar. I was a cutter and attempted suicide several times. I was treated in a physc hospital, went i to foster care (where i stayed until the age of 19) was heavily medicated, and went through years of counsling. I did end up overcoming it all, and have been med free since the age of 17 (i am currently 26). So i am no stranger to depression.
I did not experiance any form of depression during my first pregnancy. My daughter (who is 4) was not planned. And i went through my entire pregnancy knowing I was going to be a single mother, and with her father putting me through hell. But i was excited and happy the whole pregnancy.
This time around however, the baby WAS planned. But I am so depressed that i can barley get out of bed in the morning, i havent done my hair or makeup in weeks (which is saying alot because i am a beauty school grad) i cant eat (ive actually LOST weight) and my insomnia is back full force. I have zero sex drive (my OB says is normal during pregnancy, especially with someone who has been sexually abused) which is putting alot of strain on my relationship. My boyfriend and i havent spoken in a week. I am utterly depressed and i have no one to talk to. I have no 'true' friends, and i dont have any family. I dont want to be on medication, because i hated how lifeless i felt while on them. And i cant afford counsling.
I know this is long, and im sorry for anyone who has read all of this. I just needed to vent/ someone to talk to.

[DonielleRae]

Thank you for your response. Yes, I spoke to my midwife about seeing a counslor. She is referring me. As for my boyfriend, he doesn't quite understand depression. He doesn't believe it's an actual illness. He thinks it's all mind over matter. So he will be going too my next appointment with me. Maybe hearing it from a doctor will help him understand that depression is not only about mind power, but it's also a chemical imbalance. Hopefully them he'll be more supportive.

[kimmeee]

I can't relate to your unique situation, but saw that you needed someone to talk to. Have you talked to your doctor about your depression? Maybe they can refer you to some type of free counseling. During my early weeks of pregnancy I felt little to nothing about my baby, which is normal. Idk how far along you are but maybe once the baby starts kicking things will change and you can get back to making women look beautiful (: as far as the bf he has to understand and can't put stress on you in your time of need. Good luck with everything girlie and hope you end up getting the help you're looking for