My 10 year old daughter and explaining the pregnancy

[ajduck]

My 10 year old daughter is excited about the baby, but is asking a lot of questions. I am not surprise about the questions, but some of them are hard to answer. At least for a 10 year old to understand. I was wondering  if anyone knew of a good book that explains and illustrates for a 10 year old to understand. I found pictures to show her what the baby looks like each week. I want her understand and be a part of this as much as possible. This going to be a big adjustment for, considering by the time the baby comes, she will be 11 years old and has had mom and dad to herself all this time.

[ajduck]

I hadn't really thought of watching the shows on TLC. I have watch those before. She has been playing with her baby dolls a lot since we have told her. We made sure she was the very first on to know and has announced it most of the time. Though a few thought she was joking. She likes joking around and most people thought we were done. Even most of her friends thought she was joking. We plan on having her there for some of the appointments, exspecially the sonogram. I want to explain things the best i can. There are so many things she has come home talking about that she has heard at school. I don't want her to be led in the wrong direction. As for being in the delivery room for the delivery, my husband wouldn't agree with that. He is a very private man and is having enough problems with me having a male doctor. I had chose to stay with our family doctor because he knows my medical history (thyroid problems) and I know he will do is very best for us. Plus, he wouldn't hesitate sending me to a specialist for anything he doesn't feel confident with. He is the kind of doctor that will sit down and talk to you and not rush by any means. He has 4 kids of his own and we have already talked about Elizabeth being at some of the appointments. I just want to make this transition as easy as possible. So all suggestion are very much appreciated. Thanks to all that have responded.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Oh and I even prepared them for the off chance of a c-section.  I showed them my scar from my first....they know that their oldest sister came out my tummy through the scar, but that they came out through the vagina.  

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I've had my older ones in the delivery room for all my births (except the stillborn becuase fortunately we knew ahead of time)

When Zach was born Abby was only 14 months old.  It scared her a little becuase I was screaming (had epi but it didn't take full affect before he came out) and she was tired.  Afterwards she was fine and doesn't even remember.

This last time Abby was 5 and Zach was almost 4.  I did have an epi in order to tone down my screaming and the scariness of it all. They were taken to get dinner by my hsuband while i got it.  I let them watch those shows and explained to them that i would probably scream and yell a lot  becuase it hurt but that i would be ok.  They both did WONDERFUL.  The all started to cry a little, after all it IS an emotional experience, but not like terrified scared out of their wits crying.  Right after he was born, when they took Gabe over to the table to clean him up and stuff Abby pipes up with "he's got a big penis" so obviously she wasn't too traumatized....Zach was busy laughing his head off about that.  All in all it was a pleasant experience.  I think it helps them feel like they are part of it, not excluded like mommy and daddy leave by themselves and come home with a new baby....more like as a family we went and brought a new sibling into the world.  

On another note, my now 13 year old swears she is never having kids...that she is going to adopt LOL.  

[CYW]

i agree at this age you can explain to her the whole thing...at least i would...this little girl at daycare only 2 and a half knew where babies came from and all...the kids were in the bathroom one day and this little girl goes to the little boy...you have a penis just like my daddy..but my daddy's is way bigger and the little boy was like oh really and shes like yup its this big stretching her arms out as far as she could. then she says boys have penis' and girls have baginas yes bagina not vagina lol..and she says you know..my mommy pushed my baby sister out of her bagina. i chuckled while she didnt see me. i didnt know whether to be shocked or content that she knew where babies came out of...it was cute but funny

[JoyRenee]

We also watch birth videos on YouTube (I don't have the TLC channel so we can't watch the baby shows... otherwise we totally would!). Bringing Home Baby is another good show to have her watch with you, if you have cable.

LosingMyMindinGA- I was thinking about letting my 4-yr-old be in the delivery room, though I don't know if the hospital has limitations on the age of children being present. My husband thinks it'll scar her for life (because of the blood and fluids) but I think it'd be an amazing experience. And she could stand near my head instead of facing the vagina directly or even from the side. I'd love to hear how your youngest did!

[JoyRenee]

At this age your daughter can comprehend quite a bit so don't let your embarrassment keep you from explaining what is going on! I explain the process to my 4-year-old and she understands a lot about how baby was conceived (minus the sex part) and what is going on in the womb. So your 10-yr-old will definitely get it.

I wish I knew of a good book for a child of her age. I'd look on amazon and you can also read reviews. I would just put in the search engine "pregnancy book for kids" or "mommy is having a baby".

I have "I'm a Big Sister!" book that someone got for us at Target. It is, again, geared toward younger children. But it shows the younger kids what to expect when a baby comes.

It also helps if you have friends with newborns or babies to have your 10-year-old spend the day with them and see what it is like, if your friends don't mind. If she still plays with dolls you can get her one of those like-like ones to "take care of".

I love how you want her very involved! And so long as you keep her involved the transition won't be as bumpy as you may be worrying about. Other ways to help get her involved: have you help you with your registry, go to sonograms and doctor appointments, let her pick things out for baby, let her have a voice in deciding the baby's name (she doesn't have to pick out the name, but let her at least say which ones she likes), etc.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I had my 3 kids in the delivery room with me this last time.  At the time they had JUST turned 12 and 5 and about to turn 4.  My oldest and i had already had plenty of talks about baby making and how it develops etc.  But for my younger ones I found it easier to let them watch one of those giving birth shows on TLC and let them ask me questions.  I was very matter of fact but general with them.  I only used proper medical terminology...no slang terms for anything...

I don't have any suggestions on books or anything.  I've always been open and honest with my kids when it comes to that stuff.  From birth their "parts" were referred to by medical terms (penis, vulva, vagina etc)  I make a point not to laugh or make faces when those words are used.  Some people disagree with me but that is how I was raised.  It may help to go to babycenter.com or another pregnancy.com with your daughter beside you and whatever question she has you guys can look up together.