UHG....I need MIL help!

[BTS1022]

Well ever since I had met my husband I have had issues with my MIL and my children. She has a very good tendancy to *mother* my children. Over the past few weeks it has gotten severe, she had called Child protective Services, because I refuse to give my boys what they want when throwing a fit. Needless to say Child Protective Services didnt see anything wrong with my household or parenting. BUT NOW.....I get this horrible email from her stating how horrible parents me and DH are to our babies, which is false.

I had asked her a question back when my youngest son was 3 months old, and I recieved the answer and Im devastated. I will tell you the story first.

Bacj when Aiden my 2 yr old son was 3 months My hubby was deployed to iraq, and I had decided to live in Iowa with DH's dad for extra help with my kids. He did a great deal of things for me. On one occassion DH's mother asked to have the children for a few days since she is a school teacher and school was out, I allowed it only because I was a full time student and needed to catch up on things. After 2 days I missed my kids tremendously and had decided to go pick them up, I drove out to her house without warning that I was coming. I knocked on the door....and my MIL comes out cradling my youngest son, and her shirt near her breast was soaked! She also did not have any undergarments on under that shirt. I didnt want to think about *what* was going on so I let it go.

I later asked my FIL about her, and the situation. He told me he wouldnt put it past her as she breast fed another womans son when my DH was only a few weeks old.

In her nasty email she had finaaly admitted that she breastfed my son who is now 2, and is severly attached to this woman. My son at 2 will walk up to a friend of mine*female* squeeze her breast and hold his cup to it asking for more milk.

None of my kids were ever breastfed by me and this makes me feel utterly disgusted.

So my question is.....Do I allow this woman back into my home and around my children? Or do I immediatly end all associations with her and my family. DH says she is never allowed in our home or near our children again, especially this new baby.

*sorry its so long*

[jesslee83]

actually, if you were to put a restraining order on her, she can REQUEST grandparents rights, but it's quite obvious that unsupervised visits at granny's house are sooooo gonna get shotdown! the only way she'd argue that, is if she thinks you won't take it to a legal level.....

hey jaxx-i said the same thing!!! i see a PEYTON(lol)...

everything you've done is right.....you're a bigger woman than me, because if it came to something like that, i honestly think my temper would have overcome me, and i honestly think that is the *1 TIME* i'd reach out and touch my mom(of course i dont have that concern).....chris' mom not so much, she'd quash me, but she's a preacher so i'm never too worried about her doing anything so strange lol!!!
i belong to another forum also, for pregnancy/parenting only, and someone else actually posted that they saw their 14 y/o niece fully nursing an infant(the girl was left in care of the infant).....so unfortunately even though we dont seem to think of this often, apparently it happens more than we think :-(

[laznacko]

I can`t believe that. She is sick woman and she needs psychiatrist. Stay away from her. You should be happy that your DH is in your site. I can`t  imagine this. What does she think? OMG....Don`t worry about your son, he will forget her very soon.

[JoyRenee]

Don't feel bad about your son! She has a stronghold on him and you're not less of a mommy. He will get over her very quickly (like within days or weeks). He's still very young!!!

[BTS1022]

Well thats the thing, my MIL is in her 50's and in menopause herself, but she had to have been taking something to produce the milk, maybe my son isnt the only one she has recently been BFing. I just think she is a sick demented woman who needs medical attention before she pisses off the wrong person.

As far as her email I have made a folder and am keeping everything that I have, including a hand written statement from DH's dad about her BF another baby 20 years ago.

It breaks my heart that it had came to this, but then again I blame myself. I should have seen it coming, as she came to see Aiden as a newborn and it was almost like he wasnt mine. I couldnt hold him, change him, feed him anything. She took all the momma responsabilites from me, and at the time I figured she was just excited as she doesnt get to see the kids much. DH and I are in MI and she is in iowa. I also should have stopped this back when Aiden was 3 months old, but I sure was blindsided.

I never in my life thought this would happen, But im glad i found out before this baby is born or she could have done it again.

Thanks for all your support on this situation, i still feel a bit less of a mom because of his bond with her, but he is still young so I know i can get it back. I also feel really bad for DH because after all it is his mother and he is not pleased with her.

But thank you everyone for everything, I think im going to go take a bath and relax for a bit.

[JoyRenee]

Like everyone else said---totally inappropriate. I am so disgusted for you because of HER. You are doing everything RIGHT. She obviously has a few screws loose to believe she can nurse your baby and then call CPS becuase you're disciplining your child correctly. She has issues and honestly I'd cut contact.

You cannot have your children be in unhealthy relationships with adults who do things like that. It's almost perverted to me. I have to stop because I could keep going on and on with this. I'm so sorry this happened to you and you do need to get your children out of there.

If you still have the email KEEP IT! Grandparents can fight for rights to visit their grandchildren and if you have evidence against her of that unhealthy incident, you need to keep it.

[JAXX55]

And I thought I had problems!? This is outrageous! Her behavior is grossly inappropriate. HELLO-hand that rocks the cradle!?!  She is mentally ill and needs help. I feel for you on this one. I'd say she is not a healthy influence on your kids, and you need to protect them from sick individuals like your MIL... Pray to God to find the answers you seek. This one is beyond anything humanly! Good Luck and Hang in there... You know what's best for your kids... YOUR kids.... =)

[martikadragoon]

I think if your MIL from h*ll try's to not respect your wishes and still come around that you should include an email that says you see no qualms about getting a restraining order against her.

Basically I'd put my MIL in the LOONY BIN if she ever tried to BF my son. My mil thank god is 57 and in menopause... so I don't think she could actually do it. but for goodness sakes, when she found out I was PG. she said she HATES crying kids..

I then not so kindly informed her that she NEVER had to come around my kid if that bothered her that bad.

[BTS1022]

Thank you all very much, I have continusly(sp-bein preggers has taken a toll on my IQ)lol. Put her in her place, my DH and I both went over it several times on how she is not to step on my toes when it comes to raising my children but she just doesnt get it. I have since written her an email back letting her know I will strictly enforce that she does not come near me or my family. DH is so fed up he doesnt even want to see her on his own. I also let her know that she may recieve photos of the new baby when it arrives but she is not welcome in my home anymore nor do I want to be welcomed in hers. I have asked her to end all contact via phone,email,letters, gifts ect..

DH is wondering if there is any legal bounderies he could enforce if need be, besides a restraining order as she lives in a different state.

Anywho I have a house warming party to put together, thank you all on your opinions and nothing anyone said was to harsh, Hell I have even slapped her in the face a few times so your comments arent that bad ;)

[evthing4reason]

I thought i had the mil from hell.....i would seriously cut all contact from her and my children if i were you. She called cps on you!!!!!That draws the line. if it were me i  would allow my husband to see her but not me or the kids

[shasy03]

WOW...I thought my mil was bad.  My dh told his mom (it's actually his step but she raised him) that if she didn't like me or what we were doing she did not have to ever see us again.  And to be honest she only sees us on holidays!  I'm sorry you and your family is in this situation but I would stand your ground.

[jesslee83]

omg! i'd be all freakin out and screamin back! if  we were stuck in a car during an avalanche or in the middle of nowhere with no help/cell reception for emergency services, and i couldnt feed, well that is the ABSOLUTE ONLY TIME, i'd be ok with that, in a life or death situation..........otherwise, idk i'm country i'd be knockin doors down......

however the fact your husband backs you up says alot about your relationship, and that is awesome! but i honestly think i would be getting a restraining order.....this sounds like some "hand that rocks the cradle" sh** to me.....and the fact that she admitted it? oh he** no!

also, i agree with spade22, the fact he is still acting like that, is not the behaviour of a child who was fed once or twice or even a few times....that's behaviour of a child who is CONTINUOUSLY being fed.....and no i would not allow her to even be in a room alone with my newborn, or let them stay in the same home overnnight.....then again, i may sound harsh, but i'm all about putting people in their place when they continuously and intentionally overstep their boundaries!!!!!

[spade22]

You are certainly NOT less of a mother because your MIH and son have this bond.  Unfortunately, the bond could very well have developed because she breast feeds him - inappropriate/disrespectful do not even come close to describing her actions!  Not only that, but the fact she has taken such drastic measures because you don't give into your kids suggests that she does.  There is a bad "mother figure" here and I can assure you, that it is not you.

Also, the fact your 2 year old has certain behaviors regarding the breast/breast milk suggests she has been breastfeeding him up to this point (otherwise he wouldnt be able to make that association).  

I agree with durhamjk that its great your DH backs you up on this.  The fact her own son doesnt want her having anything to do with your kids speaks very, very, strongly.  

[sexyhot_dandy]

this is a hard one, i was and is in a similair situation with my grandmother and my son's father. My son would suck on her breast as a baby but she never gave him them, he would suck through the shirt. she never allowed this. he did it to me all the time.  my son loves her to  death, she is like a mother to him.,  his father and i had difference when i was pregnant, because i didnt side with gradma, she put me out, did the worst things she could do  and i vowed never to let her see him.

well it didn't work, he ask about her nearly everyday since he was able to talk, i have learnt even though a person does something so wrong and crazy, you can  forgive but never forget.  i feel ur pain and am sorry.  if u decide to cut her out ur children's lives, u may regret it or ur kids may resent you. u and ur husband as parents have to make the decision and live with it.

my 3 yr father doesnt support him, i do everythin for him, he knows his father, he ask for this man everyday but wat can i do.  i try not to degrade the father even though he is a *******.

This is wats hurts me about the situation: one day by accident i said in front my son his father is no good and mean.  my son then said to me: my father is a good man, he is the best and i love him so  much.  this made me cry, i felt so bad, no matter wat i say about my son's father, in his eyes his father is the best.

i can never break the bond they have cause it's goin to affect my son.  which is so painful to me cause he isnt doin right at all

all i can say is do wat is best for ur kids!

[durhamjk1]

I definitely think what she did was crossing a line and would not leave her alone with any of my kids again. I am glad that your DH backs you up on this - it makes things much easier, because he is not the one having to choose.  I agree with spade22, maybe sometime in the future allow supervised visits (highly supervised), but not right away.  I am sorry you are going through this.    

[BTS1022]

thank you, Im just heart broken over the situation and feel less of a mother because my son has that bond with this woman and not me. Its very painful and DH no longer wants her in our lives do to her constand disrespect. I value every mother and mother to be's opinion on this matter.

[spade22]

I wouldn't - what she has done is HIGHLY inappropriate and this has effected your children's behavior.  Perhaps at some point in the future she could have supervised visits but I certainly wouldn't allow that for a long time.