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Depressed & Need Support
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Depressed & Need Support

Hi everyone. I am 16 and as of Friday the 12th I had my son Adrian at 22 weeks. He died after 3 hours. I am very depressed and do not know how to get through with this. Why did I deserve this? Am I still considered a mom? Help? :'(
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Sweetheart, as someone who has miscarried twins, I can tell you that after such a loss, being crazy sad is unfortunately the norm.  Not just sad, but keening and wailing in grief.  Part of it is hormones (thank heavens, or we all would just go crazy after such a loss), but it is the deepest of griefs as well.  You have just had the closest member of your family to you, die -- it is NORMAL to feel extremely unhappy.  And unfortunately, the main healer is time.  I definitely remember when my pregnancy hormones clicked out of the picture, because even though I was still crying, I didn't have the wondering in the back of my mind about whether I was simply nuts.

Here are some things that helped me, maybe they will help you too.  

-  We had the embryos picked up at the hospital (where they still were, by the time we found out we could do it, which was at least a week later or maybe two) by a funeral director, who transported them to the memorial organization and oversaw their cremation, and then I picked up the ashes.  This seemed very odd to me to do when someone suggested it at first, since they were only 9-week embryos, but it made me feel like I was doing the last thing I could do to take care of my babies, not to let them just go off into the hospital's system to have done whatever they do in this circumstance.  People who have stillbirths often will also have a service, and they say this is a help also.

-  I got a lot of sleep, and didn't try to be productive.  Also took a lot of iron, part of my difficulty was that I was quite run down.

-  I spoke with a grief counselor who works in the ob department at my HMO.  Had several sessions with her, and felt much better.

-  I took an antidepressant for a few weeks, prescribed by my nurse practitioner.  That, plus the iron, helped to patch me up physically while I healed mentally.

Please take care.  If anyone asks you later, "any kids?" or "are you a mom?" say "In my heart, always."

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ps -- What we did with the ashes was to sprinkle them in our daffodil field, a big back field where we live.  Every year when the daffodils bloom, I walk there and think the girls are with me.

(((HUGS)))   Annie
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Hey I'm so sorry about it losst I also lost mi daughter I was 24 weeks pregnant nd mi cervix was short nd open she came too earlo she was 1 pound nd 9 ounces she passed away 10 days later I got to hold her I new that love at first site exited when I saw that littler thing comin out of me! Ilpbe her wid all mo heart nd its been almosst two years nd I Kant get over it! I felt like they killed me inside when I saw her dyin! My heart hurts like crazy.nd I kan tell u dat I noe exactli how u feel
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But its normal nd yes u r a mom! U have to be strong nd know that it baby is in a better place.I know that now u dnt want to hear ppl tellin u to move on I noe nd I know u r hurt! Just be strong nd jus remember that God makes thing happen for a reason!
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God makes things happen for a reason -- I never could understand that one, as though it was telling me that God wanted little babies to die and their mothers to suffer.  I think there might have been a reason I had my girls for only such a short time, because that was all they got but at LEAST I got that much.  But I don't think God wants babies to die and I don't think it is a planned punishment by God for the mother.  I can't conceive of any scheme of a merciful God in which this happens.
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