Extreme problem with husband & child 11 yrs & terminal child;not their's, fostering

Easy to understand this HUGE problem/issue & how to hope U can help solve it if just list;
Husband's wife did have a reltionship w/other man for "social" fun/attention.
together after sepation, but husband is angry/hold's feeling's in/will not let wife go ANYWHERE & judge's she is doing something wrong, if just out to the store/mall/friend's house, it's a girl! HE IS JEALOUS AND ACT's out a wife to the point she is feeling TIED up, watched,never TRUSTED again. he can't let past go...but wife is not happy,and feel's he can't ever see or even want to see her side of anything...it's all about what HE want's NO friends they have likes him.
Wife took in 18 yr old terminal child of her sister's due to "sister's health" and child needed place to stay. Husband said no, but understood this was to be due to wife needing to do this"she luved this child" there is a 11 yr.old daughter of their's who has alway's been mean/disrespectful of her mother. Will go to daddy & complain, blames things that happen on mom &dad agree's w/this little girl, but she treat's father like gold,& cuddles up to her dad & the dad believes her...MOTHER Is furious dad will not listen & understand mom. they have to agree together how to handle child, dad doesn't, he chooses child & tell's her mom is wrong This is ruining marriage & how parent's should "raise" child, ADVICE PLEASE.
NOW: 11 yr old is bullying terminal child living there. Tries to make mom feel guilty for not spending enough time w/her, which MOM does. Runs' to dad. he belives! This is a hard situation w/a sick child there. Has RNhelp/grandmother & real mom. 11 yr child FIND'S ways' excuses to "be mean" act out, and she does..to sick child,&" her on mom" & grandmother,she doesn't have any respect. FATHER thinks it's due to "sick" child & jealously, but everyone treats 11 yr. w/ luv, respect,doesn't forget abou ther,child know's this, but is still mean/& never listen's. HELP w/advice:Mom is about to leave.Father need's advice.Please help them.

[Shelly Bullard]

I'm really sorry but I have read this several times and I don't understand what the situation is. Who are you? How are you related to the situation? And what is the issue you are trying to work out?

[Brookit]

I am a close friend, hoping to find and offer help to someone i care about. I go online, she doesn't...the lady I speak of in the post.
There R many things  going on, may I list them and then hope someone/yourself can sort it out and give whatever advice you can.
I'm asking advice on behalf of the lady in regard's first her relationship w/husband, the terminally-ill child she has taken in as her sister is ill,&  does get help from the grandmother, her mother. Also, there is the child 11 yrs. old who is the jealous one who's mom is Sue, she is the lady.
I feel for Sue. Her husband is always' right, Military...
She has never had a great relationship w/ her daughter or husband, After    being away from home the husband, began to suspect foul play...this was true in only the sense of "getting out" and Sue meeting someone fun,kind and does the thing's in life she likes. This was never true for she and her husband/later into their marriage. There was no affair, just friendly times. The husband is furious and was left by his first wife, so he is very jealous and does not allow this lady to go anywhere without a huge fight. not violent. Strong language, yelling, etc. Not good for a child to hear for many yrs. It has gone on for many yrs. Before this man's military leave away from home and after, worse after. He will not disipline "their" child together, he feels Sue is doing all wrong w/child. but in reality, it is the child who is very cruel at times to her mother and yell's at her, slams doors, doesn't ever listen...run's away from her in the mall when a few yrs. younger than now...very hard child to care for. she has taken action and done therepy for awhile, but it didn't help. At this point, the 11 yr. old is in good w/the dad, and they seem to have a bond that no one can break. The father will hear what the child say's about a "problem" issue mom and she had, and blame the mother, or "side" with the child, and this demeans the mother,so, the child NEVER respect's her mother, and not even her grandmother, Sue's mom, which is over helping w/ill child everyday, along w/nurse here and there, and the real mother who is still recovering slowly from issues, not relevent here now. SO: how can this couple gain their trust, or rather have him "trust" her and not argue if she has lunch w/a friend. 2) What can Sue say to trigger husband to understand THEY have to communicate together, and both stay connected and disipline their child.& how can she get him to stop living in the past, I heard her say, "I can't take this anymore, they both stick together and treat me so badly, I just should leave and leave this house." but, this is the huge issue. Their is this child who is dying slowly...not noticably...inside, her heart and lungs R scared  4 life...she' weak, on O2, has IV, bed-ridden, a sad scene. Sue, felt for her being lost and alone w/stranger's so she told her husband she had to take her in,and got custody.It's been about a year now since the child is in the home. It is causing problems now. There is not much privacy, this was known at first. Sue's child is jealous due to the only wish this child has/her dream is to see DISNEYWORLD. So, I'm told four people R going, not for a FUN vacation, but to give the dream to the ill child. A small room with sue, her mother, real mother and ill child. There will be no long day's riding/viewing show's...but rather 'seeing' the park and resting back in the room...say in the park 2-3 hrs. a day at the most Sue say's. The energy level of chld is low, and The O2 is huge, 10 L. continuous. So: Sue's child is acting up, being HARD on her mother, not listening, and not doing as told where the sick child is concerned, like trying to be quiet when in her room, she INTENTIONALLY provokes the  ill child, and it is hard on her they say. She will not listen to sue, and dad get' wind  of it and does much of  nothing, yes, does ask her to stop being MEAN, but later, child cuddles up to her father and  all is OK and forgotten and it repeat's itself. this is bad, HOW TO CONTROL THIS CHILD? IS she age appropriate to understand this is a child who can't do for herself, she can't get out of bed, people help her due to she can't get up, she can't much speak, due to energy loss. It is a hard situation. The dad first said he thought the child should be able to go to Disney,and sided w/chld,but now is trying to help her set her on TIME away w/family. But dad/child resent this ill child. This is Sue's niece,and she really luv's her so much, it's so evident. All she want's is to live in harmony until the end for this child and she get's her to her final wish place,and want's to know how to explain it better to her child, because she is so upset about it, not able to go w/her mom. This child doesn't really ever speak of really wanting to go there, better off a cruise for her, so much energy she has...I'm a good friend. I  want to let Sue see/view my email's on  this site and offer "professional" and "people exp." advice. She has panic attack's over this. It is not easy lving w/sick "anyone"...but there is no where else for her  to go, her mother has no home..lives w/mother and is getting much better, she is there to help out too, and I'm told feel's the stress...feel's guilty for what her sister hadto do for the chld. It's not that they don't get paid. there is money from govt. So...if U can say what you feel about this situation and alternatives and advice she'd be grateful....I wanted someone else besides
"me" just offering info. I don't know all to do or say...she has much on her shouldars...and not time to go seek therepy every week. Whatever you or other's can say to advise her would be appreciated.
I'm trying to help each of these many issues find a  way to work themselves out for Sue with help from web.md and all that can say what they would do/not do...anything but say "go get some help." thank you.

[Nighthawk61]

This family needs profession help, marriage counseling, first. Sorry, that's the facts.