Help me understand.

The 19 year old female I am in a dating relationship with displays some traits that have me wondering and wanting to understand more. Some traits I have noticed are when confronted with something out of her "normal routean" she gets exasperated and overwhelmed. A few examples are:
1.  when Confronting something new she goes into a mode where she puts up a shield, like an autimatic shut down mode where the new thing is daunting and overwhelming to the point where she does not want to try new things autimatically before actually trying them.
2. When planning a trip a friend and I were going back and fourth on the details and my girlfriend got so upset because things were out of place and didn't like the uncertenty.
3. One of my biggest concerns is the lack of depth in communication. The in-ability to express feelings and opinions is to the point where if I do not express my feelings first she is un able to form an opinion other then "its ok" or if its asking for thoughts on actions the reply is " I don't mind" When asking how she feelings its like I have turned off the power button and it doesn't quite process beyond "i'm fine"

If you have any firther questione please ask me to elaborate.

thank you for your help.

[Richard Pomerance, Ph.D]

Dear CM,

Given the fact that she’s 19, my first thought is that she’s a very immature woman, girl really, so insecure and inexperienced that she’s afraid to be wrong, to a nearly pathological degree. Part of this may be a fear that if she disagrees with you, something bad will happen. Look for precedents in her family of origin.

Another option is some kind of OCD. Does she have other stereotyped, repetitive, automatic responses and behaviors in other parts of her life in which you are not involved? If so, that might tell us something.

Either way, she’s got some real issues here. Perhaps take it up with her, or even have a couple of sessions with a counselor if she has problems talking to you directly. If nothing works, you might want to ask why you’re there, and maybe consider alternatives. I know that when I hit the power button on my mac and it doesn’t work, it may well mean it’s time for a trip to the store . . .

Sure, feel free to communicate if there’s more to tell.


Sincerely,

Dr. P.

[worried159]

goodness thats a tuffy. I like to try and help out people. it may be that she has a bad past of somekind. have you ever had a real talk to her? does she ever open up to you?