Relationship Decisions Expert Forum
I don't know what to do.
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I don't know what to do.

My girlfriend ended our relationship, she said "I'm just sad, I'm never happy anymore." and told me that she still loved me. We've been together for nearly 2 years and this just came completely unexpected. Although our relationship was not perfect we always seemed to talk everything out. Yeah, we had endless arguments daily but at the end of the day we would always forgive each other. There have been several times when I wasn't there for her and she holds it against me. I am constantly given a recap of mistakes each time something goes wrong. She told me that the pain just bottled up and she can't be happy anymore. There is a lack of trust in our relationship because of my past experiences with women cheating on me. I haven't been able to fully trust her during the time we've been going out but I really care about her. She knows of my insecurities and has tried to be there for me but everyone has a breaking point and eventually she cracked. This women has truly love me for all my imperfections and I've taken her for granted. I feel completely lost. I am utterly ashamed of myself for treating her the way I did. She sent me a text saying she wants me to take her on dates just like before but I feel like I don't deserve her anymore. Sorry for the rant but I felt I had to explain myself. The question is should let her forget about me or get back together her with ? I'm a terrible person, right?
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Hello. First of all, you are absolutely not a terrible person. So let's start with that. Second, it sounds like both you and your ex-girlfriend should really start on cultivating on your own happiness, individually. Now this can be done within the relationship or outside of the relationship--that part doesn't matter as much as the fact that each of you starts taking responsibility for your own feelings and happiness.

Relationships that work well and are filled with happiness are that way because each individual is filled with happiness. Unfortunately, you cannot be the complete source of your ex's happiness, and she cannot be the source of your happiness. Your happiness is going to come from within--from caring about yourself and others, from liking yourself and trusting yourself and being kind to yourself. When we do all these things for ourselves, we automatically do them for others. And that's how relationships work.

Whether or not you decide to get back together with this woman is your choice, but that really isn't the biggest question at hand. The real decision is about choosing to be happy (regardless of her). If you do that, then I suspect the rest will fall into place.
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