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Is there such thing.....
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Is there such thing.....

As true love? If so, I want to know what percentage is required of each partner equaling up to 100% in a True Love relationship.
Please give your percentages and how you figure this to be so for you. State which is your percentage when in a relationship (past present or future.)
Thanks. I am obviosly questioning this in my own life so some help please!
Thanks
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14 Comments
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13167_tn?1327197724
I'm going to bore everyone to death here and say the only true love is parental love.  Look how fast romantic partners - even partners that have been together for 30+ years - turn on each other if one of them does something that makes the other feel unloved.  That love - romantic love - turns from love to hate in the blink of an eye,  and it's vicious,  vicious,  deadly hate.  That's not love,  and it never was.  

During times of hurt all couples secretly rejoice a little when their partner stumbles or feels a little desire for revenge.  Because romantic love isn't selfless - at all.  It's extremely selfish and based entirely on how the other person treats you.

Parental love is the opposite.   (There are some weird parents who don't feel parental love,  that's true,  they're an abnormality).  Most parents truly love their children more than they love themselves - that's perfect love.

So sorry to be boring.  ;D
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1035252_tn?1371343440
Yes. I think true love is more a state of mind than an absolute though. I think we're so hung up on "finding our one true love" that we forget that it takes hard work to stay with one person your entire life....and that sometimes it's better to work hard to perfect the love you HAVE than to try to look for a love that's already perfect - after all, time will change that, too.

I think it takes 100% from the woman and 100% from the man (so 200%, in my opinion, not 100%) if you give less than all of yourself in a relationship, it's easy to derail and lose focus on that love. Sometimes we can't give our all, and our partners have to step up and if we can only give %50 they have to give %150, but there will come a day that they can't give their all and you have to step up as well. because remember....a relationship is not two people miraculously losing their individual identities and emotions and minds  - it's two complete people working together to build a life, which is why I say 100% from each. So I believe it takes 200% for love, not 100%.

The best way to find true love in my mind? find someone you have fun with, someone you love AND like, someone who makes your blood burn when you're playing around, someone that shares your interests and intelligence - and then settle down and see if those feelings are still around in a few years. if they are, get ready to devote everything you are to making that person be your true love for life, and make sure they're giving everything they are and have to you as well. and yes, it takes work - even "true" love, to make it even out to 200%.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the post. So you say you believe in 200%? At any given time what percent do you say you give?
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1035252_tn?1371343440
If I'm completely honest, I'd say...anywhere from...200%...down to 20%. I'm definitely not perfect and there are days I let my husband do all the heavy lifting in our relationship ( let him be the romancer, the one who's being kind and thoughtful and patient while I'm just a beast to live with)....but I had a very bad example growing up with my parents' relationship so I think I'm having to learn how to be more giving. There are some days I know I'm giving my all and that we're in sync, but there are days when both of us could stand to give a lot more, and we don't....but then the next day comes and we get another chance.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes ,there is such a thing as true love,but its bloody hard work to sustain it.Peoples feelings change as the years go by and love gets put on the shelf.Its a constant battle to keep love alive in a relationship.You have to tell each other how much you love each other everyday.
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Avatar_m_tn
I see it the same way as getitright.  There is a such thing and it does take a lot f work to keep it alive.  I know that complacency in my own relationship caused so much devastation.... not being focused on my true love, and just lettting things ride on cruise control is a bad idea.  

Besides telling the other person that you love them every day, both parties have to be 100% open and willing to have ral conversations.... even the hard ones.  

In my own relationship, I let life dictate which way I was going instead of being focused on what really matters most.... marriage and family.  Depression was also a major problem in regards to my health, and not receiving proper medical attention may have damaged my marriage beyond repair.

I wish you luck in your relationship.  
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Avatar_f_tn
All really great post and thank you Ashelen for your honesty. I know what it is like to be in love and not have the other person love you back "as much". It is a slow death until one day when it finally hits home you realize you are out on the ocean all alone. ***** really. So I am confessing I gave the 200% and like a jack *** kept going. Still going. I am on a ride I feel I cannot get off. I want to know statistically what your percentage is with the giving in your best relationship. Just the numbers please. I like facts and figures to contemplate.
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with Ashelen, both people in the relationship need to give 100%. I don't think it's 50/50, I would say it's more 100/100. I always try to give 100% to my fiance, but there are days that I don't always do that. The same goes for him and if one of us starts to feel a bit neglected in our busy lives, we'll talk about it and work on it. It takes work to keep the relationship going and if one person is not willing to put in the work, then the relationship will most likely fail. Both people need to want to be in the relationship and want to work at it.
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Avatar_f_tn
I believe in "true love" but I would not gauge it by who gives what %.

My gauge is  ( religion aside)

DO UNTO OTHERS

If we ALL (each of Us - He/She has to feel the same way) were willing to treat our significant other the way WE want/expect to be treated then all goes well!!

This works for my Husband and me.

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Avatar_f_tn
Religion aside, but books open:

There are two Loves I know of, Agape and Felio.
Agape: Perfect love, God's love or is divine and unselfish expressed only by a God or higher being.
Felio: mortal and selfish on many levels and it is a "Fellowship love". (Like the parent level of, I love my kid more then yours. Or I love you, lover, only if you return the feeling and fulfill my preset expectations or standards.

What say you? Do you know of another definition?
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Avatar_f_tn
oh wait there is another one, my favorite one...
Eros love: romantic, Erotic, or sexual love
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Avatar_f_tn

I thought we were talking about true love - as in partnership love
(the first post: "is there such thing as true love?")  My comment is in regards to our partners - Do Unto Others, Fair and Square, Even Steven, etc.

God and Children are another topic  - our love for Them is totally different.

God loves us no matter what AND
we love our children unconditionally
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973741_tn?1342346373
Kind of a confusing post . . . but if the question is regarding 'true love'------ are you using true in place of 'real'?  I do believe in true love.  When a two adults share this------- it means that they will work through difficult times, always remain committed, try to put the other's feelings before their own and at least try to be a good partner all of the time to their mate.  That is true love to me.  I'd say that I feel about 100% that my relationship is true and real and I make every effort to keep it that way.  

Sometimes when we struggle with this, the problem often lies within our own outlook. Parental love is pure.  But relationship love should embody that same concept.  When I'm having a tough time------------ I think of my husband's inner psyche.  He deserves to be loved purely.  So do I.  So I try to fashion our life around this concept.  Communication certainly helps.  But knowing my part of loving my husband for who he is my responsibility in this relationship.  If each partner lives up to their responsibility in the relationship----------  won't it be successful?  100% successful?
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you Specialmom for that. I agree. With every word.
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