My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now and we have been having sex regularly. He has only been with 3 women (me being the fourth) to where I have been with many more then that. He was not in a relationship with any of them, I am his first girlfriend (I am not sure if that makes a difference). He is turning 30 in January 2013. I am very physically energetic, an athlete and in great shape. He is in the army and is in shape as well but has a very low sex drive. I feel like I have a higher sex drive then he does. I cannot make him climax. He is very shy and because of this I had to make the first move. He has absolutely no problems doing it himself. He has no problems getting hard. Even when I don't mean to he gets turned on. I have tried everything. I have asked about fantasies and any other things that might work and he is so inexperienced that he doesn't even know how to answer. He says that he enjoys sex. He claims that he has come close and then he looses it. He is the first guy that has been able to fully please me, I feel like I am not doing my part. He cant seem to clear his mind. He over thinks it. I am 10 years younger then he is and I am having to teach him most stuff. It is starting to get to my self confidence. I have never had problems making a guy climax. He is the first guy that I cant seem to do that for. Is it something I am doing wrong? Do we need to use something else (different kind of condoms, lubricant, jelly)? What is the best way to go about this? Is there something we need to discuss about our sex life?
It is hard to say exactly what is going on, but from what you are saying it sound like he has some anxiety around sex. I would not take it personally. I know that can be hard to do. If he is concerned about it, then he might want to talk with either a doctor or a therapist about what is going on for him.
The best advice I have for you is to relax. The more relaxed you can be about it, the easier it will be for him to relax. If you start to get anxious too--if you take it personally or if you put a ton of pressure on him--then it is just going to feed the anxiety. Allow yourself to be easygoing and playful about sex. Approach it with the attitude of "If he climaxes, great. If not, that's ok too." Just enjoy your affection and sexual interaction without expectations, and see if that helps lighten the mood, which might make the who process easier for him.
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