Hi I am a 30 year old woman who has had anxiety , worse in previous years, for the past 6 years. I had generalized anxiety over many issues, and one of them that has cropped up recently is dating. I have never dated /kissed, and I am currently talking to a wonderful man online. He wants to meet, and so do I.. we have STRONG feelings for each other, even love. However I have been INCREDIBLY nervous to meet because of my feelings of not being 'enough'... like 'who am "I" ? " that would be ENOUGH for a guy.. ? :(
I think it stems from a CONSTANT environment of being yelled at/criticized by my Manic mother everyday. I feel like men are 'more' almost.. maybe b/c they are , in some ways, more 'assertive/authoritative ' , as my mother was, and I feel 'not good enough' :( I know I am funny, Very kind, and warm. I know this man likes me for ME, but I'm trying so hard to not be incredibly nervous to meet. I don't want to get 'spacey' in front of him, although I don't think I will. But I don't want to live like this anymore.. constantly on eggshells about Me , and what I am capable in , in love, and that I'm worth it.. because I have never felt I was.
I end up thinking, "Who am 'I'?" (for a man ), and since I have not have relationship experience/kissing/ etc.. I overthink that, subsequently feeling inadequate, and this makes me Feel extremely nervous. I know I need to feel comfortable with ME inside, first, so that I can meet him with love and acceptance , and feel Competent. I just wonder how you can feel like this, when you are 30, and feel Incompetent/unworthy ,thinking men/he will 'judge' me, as if he will 'see' I'm not 'girlfriend material'. Ridiculous sounding I know, but I guess this is what my subconscious has been feeling..that b/c of my low view of myself, I think I could never 'be' that to a man, or be good at intimacy/sex/kissing. It is sad , and I am tired of labeling myself. ANY tips or advice on how to increase my self worth and improve my Being so I can ever be with a man / date /kiss, is VERY much welcomed. Thank You so much for your time.