I met my bf 4 years ago and he was a married man (Jake) we started dating but I wasn't taking him serious. I was seen someone else (tom) who I had genuine feelings for. I hadn't seen tom for over a year he was out of state we kept in touch and had said as soon as he came back we would make our relationship formal. I was going through a financial crisis that's when I met Jake who was married for 8 years and he helped me out a lot financially well after a few months he said he was in love with me I was going along with it. Well months passed by and he left his home and wanted us to be serious but I wasn't into him in that way. He had been trying for over a year to be intimate and I always avoided it at this time he's still married but no longer living with his x. Well I had never had intercourse so I wasn't in live with him I was in love with tom so I thouth. Tom finally comes back I start avoiding Jake and to my though I have intercourse with tom after three times he starts avoiding me. I feel like crap cause I love him well Jake never stops perusing me and tom completely stops talking to me so I'm depressed. I decide to tell Jake what I did he forgives me and gets a divorce and me and him have been together since now I'm begining to get worried he might cheat on me because we've been trying to conceive and no luck I dunno if I'm overthinking the situation or what need to be done to fix my emotions I feel wrong in all senses.
Hello. It sounds like there has been a history of not being honest with one another, so I can understand your fear that that history will keep repeating--that Jake will cheat on you. The only way to break patterns is to do just that--break them. If you want Jake to be honest with you then it starts with you being honest with him. Perhaps you should talk to him about your concerns and start to approach the relationship with sincere honesty. To put it bluntly, when we lie, we become scared that we are being lied to. By changing your approach, you will change the dynamic of the relationship. Good luck.
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