Hi. I have been with my boyfriend whom is 17 yrs older than i am. He has two teenagers and is currently sharing a two bed apt with his brother. I am a single mom to the most gorgeous 8 year old boy. I live with my mother. Although i started this relationship with much hope after a divorce i thought would never take place i see it going no where. He has one million excuses not to want to move in together. I am tired of waiting and feel it will never happen. I myself have started questioning whether it would be a good decision. I want us to be friends but by the same token i miss him so much and fear wont ever find a soul mate. I want to dedicate my whole being to my son and just give up on everything else. Please help me see the light. God bless!
Hello. Fear is usually the wrong decision to pursue a relationship. It indicates that you, as yourself, feel incomplete, and are therefore looking for another person to fill this hole within you. Unfortunately, no one can complete us. That's the bad news. But, the good news is, you can find completion in yourself. I would recommend you taking time to take care of you. This will benefit all of your relationships (including with your son). When you feel more complete, more stable, and more whole on your own, then all of your relationships will feel that way as well. Do things to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and connect into your truth--that you are a magnificent person. The more you do this, the better your relationships are going to get.
Don't stay with him because you feel like you'll never find someone else thats right for you. Do you miss the company or do you miss him?. You are both adults and if he cannot come up with a valid reason why he thinks its not appropriate to move in together at this stage (but in the future wishes to) then he is full of excuses and not worth your time. I'm in a similar problem, similar in the way that i feel like im the only one that is prepared to put in an effort and move forward and up. If there are any doubts i wouldnt push it because you'll end up regretting it. You didnt say how long you had been with him or whether his kids lived with him. if they do not live with him then i would guess that he doesnt want to commit yet because he enjoys his bro time living with his brother and there is your answer as to where he stands in the relationship. if thats the case he's not ready for you. A good friend told me you only get what you'll settle for. So are you prepared to settle for him? i wish you the best of luck and be proud of yourself for being such a great mother cause thats really all that matters.
You have an 8 year old Son. I'm figuring You did not have this Child before AT LEAST the age of 16 - minimum, that would make You 24yrs old (likely, You're older than that) If You are 24 and He is 17 years older than You, then He must be 41, likely He's older than that, too. My first question is: Why would a 41, or older, man be content with sharing an apartment with His Brother? What is His future? Why is He divorced? These are important questions..... and there should be others.
Love is a CHOICE - and We should choose wisely. Most especially if we are responsible for an 8 year old Son.
One doesn't "find" a "soul mate". A soul mate is actually a RARE form of intimacy. A "soul mate" doesn't just "appear", it "grows" and it "builds" and it takes TIME. A "soul mate" is someone we are PROFOUNDLY "connected" to - as though the communicating and the communing that takes place between us isn't the product of "intensional" effort. It TRUELY is a RARE FORM of INTIMACY!! and it doesn't just "happen" - it has to do with DEPTH, RELATEDNESS, SUBSTANCE.
It's our "love of love" and our "expectations" that so often causes us to choose the wrong Partner and refer to Him as our "soul mate"
Take Your time to CHOOSE, GROW and BUILD love (that's were "soul" enters the picture) You AND Your 8 year old son are worth it!!
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