should I move on or keep trying?

[swatson87]

I have been having sex with a guy I really like for about 6 months off and on. He says he "likes" me but just isn't ready for a relationship. When we are out and around friends I am just another friend but alone we seem to be eachothers whole world. We are compatible in so many ways. We get along really good and share so many interests. At times feel like just a "**** buddy" but he says I am not just for sex. I want a relationship with him and he knows this. It hasn't changed our "relationship" any with me telling him how I feel. What should I do? Move on or just keep waiting, wanting and trying to work for more of a relationship with him?

[sunshine1976]

It sounds like you have been honest with him by telling him you would like a relationship with him. It also sounds to me like he is telling you what you need to know.  He's not ready for a relationship.  He's being honest.  
Don't leave sex on the table.  Not only are you giving him the impression that you are happy with the way you're friendship is now, your closing off the opportunity to meet other peple.
If he says you're not just for sex,It shouldn't change the friendship.
Who knows someday you might be in the same place & ready for a relationship with each other.
Right now the facts stand.
You want a relationship, He doesn't.

[beachgirl248]

Hi
I read your post and I can really relate in some ways. I have been involved with a guy on and off for about 6 years now and it was really all about the sex. This guy was never interested in me as a person and never will be. The hardest thing for me is the amount of time I wasted pursuing him.  Now he no longer calls me as he got what he needed out of me and that is the saddest part of all. I sold myself out for so long. Do yourself a favor and cut the ties.  You are young and you have plenty of time to find someone who will care for you. I will admit I will miss the sex but it was never meant to be for this guy and I.  I hope this helps. Good luck

[Kyndel]

I can really relate to you with this.

I was in the same situation a while back. Deny him the sex and you will get your answer.
I was having a closed door relationship with a guy several years back, but it was even more intimate than your. He had a violent and suicidal fiancee that he didn't want to be with anymore. I had an abusive and controlling boyfriend that I was trying to safely get away from. We could relate to each other in the sense we were both in a terrible relationship. We ended up having a very physical and loving, but hidden relationship. I eventually was able to break things off with my boyfriend. It took him longer. When he got away from his fiancee we still had our relationship, but he still wanted to stay hidden. I really cared for him, and wanted to be able to act like he was my boyfriend around my friends. If we were at his house, and he had his closest friends over, he'd treat me like his girlfriend, but would tell them not to tell anyone. Months and months went by, and he didn't change.

I cut off the sex and didn't call him as much. I treated things like I was single as can be, and would go out with friends and have a good time.
If he really wanted to be with me, he would have made it so once I started going and meeting other people.
By not doing anything, I knew he really didn't want to be with me.

I suggest you do the same.

[Richard Pomerance, Ph.D]

Dear Swatson,

This is the doc writing. This is the expert forum, and I'm him.

Nevertheless, I completely agree with what Sunshine has written to you. You've told the man what you want, and his behavior is his response. Everything's great when you're alone, but he won't take the relationship into the real/outer world.

That, as we say in medicine, is diagnostic.

Sincerely,

Dr. P.