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Relationship Decisions (Expert Forum)
so confused what do i do??
Answered by
Psychotherapy of Individuals and Couples; relationship decisions; divorce counseling
Welcome to the Relationships Decisions forum. This forum is for questions and discussions relating to: Relationship choices/decisions.
so confused what do i do??
by DarkAngel647, Oct 09, 2009 10:25AM
well im so confused right now i'm not sure what to do?? well i been with a girl for more then 3years and i'm not sure where i stand as if i like her or love her.. and i do not miss her when she dont call me i do my things and stuff but at the same time i do not want to hurt her i feel so guilty breaking up with her and i'm not sure if i would be happy with her in life?? plus there is religion issue on top of that?? would anyone can tell me what to do at this point and how am i suppose to break the ice to her without hurting her at all ..i have met her families and stuff so i'm i oblicated to stay with her or is just my feeling telling me to be with her because i feel guilty breaking up?? would anyone can tell me what to do or what can i say to her at this point??? when we start dating she was in the same town as me but now she is out of town is kinda long distance but we talk and see each other once or twice a month..so im not sure i'm so confused please someone tell what to do and if anyone had this problem before and how did you handle it
thank you
darkangel
thank you
darkangel
Doctor's Answer
by Richard Pomerance, Ph.D, Oct 13, 2009 02:58PM
, Oct 13, 2009 02:58PM
Dear Darkangel,
This kind of situation is the plague of relationships. One is half in and half out, doesn’t want to stay but feels too guilty or vulnerable to leave.
I have a lot to say about how to disentangle from these situations, but I won’t go into them here. Maybe another time (see below). But briefly and In general, I think it’s better to go if one is young, able, and truly feels nothing for the other person.It's not easy, and in fact short-term, everyone inevitably gets hurt. That’s the nature of attachment to other human beings.
However, I note from your other post that you’ve got some significant, individual, psych problems. I’d strongly recommend you get some professional help to sort them out. Once you do, you’ll be able to see whether the true issue has been with your partner or yourself. And then, if you do decide to leave, you’ll be stronger and more able to achieve the separation with minimal damage to both yourself and the woman.
Please reach me if this isn't clear, or if there's more to add.
Sincerely,
Dr. P.
This kind of situation is the plague of relationships. One is half in and half out, doesn’t want to stay but feels too guilty or vulnerable to leave.
I have a lot to say about how to disentangle from these situations, but I won’t go into them here. Maybe another time (see below). But briefly and In general, I think it’s better to go if one is young, able, and truly feels nothing for the other person.It's not easy, and in fact short-term, everyone inevitably gets hurt. That’s the nature of attachment to other human beings.
However, I note from your other post that you’ve got some significant, individual, psych problems. I’d strongly recommend you get some professional help to sort them out. Once you do, you’ll be able to see whether the true issue has been with your partner or yourself. And then, if you do decide to leave, you’ll be stronger and more able to achieve the separation with minimal damage to both yourself and the woman.
Please reach me if this isn't clear, or if there's more to add.
Sincerely,
Dr. P.
