Relationship Decisions Expert Forum
what shall i do?
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what shall i do?

Hi.My problem is that I (23) have a bf (28), we r together since 1 year,fell in love, big plans dreams.I met him at hometown,but he was already working in the UK, and as I was planning to come work here as well, it was very fortunate, we were happy for each other.We both have big dreams, what we are working on, we both are au pairs, as only chance for us. When we met I decided to move close to him, so the relationship could work. He have driving lessons, i don't, friends here, I didn't had, and we live 30 minutes from each other by car, both on country side. Because of our situation we rarely have intimate time, the dates are usually hanging around at a friends houses.He is very motivated, and focused on his music producing career. I studied fashion design, those are my ambitions. Before we met I wanted to move to London so I can work on my life there, but after we met I decided this would work out better, but I don't get along with the family I'm with, and I depend on him if I want to go anywhere. I don't have independence, and any kind of my own life. My ambitions are falling apart as well, as I don't have enough time, and motivation. We had problems from the beginning as I am depending on him. I understood that, so I started to do my driving lessons, but problems with the family always came up, and I freaked out every time, and when I try to tell him, he gets frustrated, as he feels that he have to resolve my problems.Now I need to find a new job ASAP, so I asked him if I should stay close to him, or go to London. He said he had enough of all the drama around me, and he can't promise me anything. We broke up, than agreed to let's take it easy and see how it goes. Now I don't know what to do. If I choose independence, I will be too far from him to work the relationship out, if I choose to be close to him, I will still depend on him, which makes him loose interest, so loosing him anyway. I want this to work very badly, I know the only problem is the circumstances.
3164984_tn?1343854726
Hello. From what I gather, it seems like you believe that independence means the relationship will fall apart, however it actually seems like that the lack of independence is what is really taking a toll on the relationship. It is easy to depend on our partners for extra support when we need it--but it can also feel draining for him (or anyone else). The truth is: he can't make things better, only you can do that for yourself. If you are pulling on him to fix things, then yes, it's likely the relationship is going to feel draining. He can't fix things that are going on in your life--ony you can do that.  

My advice would be to stop depending on him the ways that you have been--and learn more to depend on yourself. Whether you do that while you are living near him or living far away from him is your choice. But it sounds like he is having a hard time feeling like he is taking care of you--so the more you can take care of yourself, the better.
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