for men--what's your opinion on sex/relationships and monogamy?

[LoosyLucy]

Hello,
I'm a woman, I was interested in the other question posted here on a male forum, and i was interested in the response of Gulfvet and such. So, I'm curious..I'm a woman in a relationship with a man. To men out there--do you have any advice on what you like in a girlfriend/boyfriend (committed partner)? Do you think that you'd like your partner to explore non-monogamy with you and get involved with others... together? i am curious, since... I don't know if men like monogamy more as they get older, but i would like to keep a healthy, exciting love life. i'm curious, from your perspectives, what you think would be nice from your partner. from being loving and affectionate, to "allowing" each other to be sexual with others? for example, say my boyfriend wanted a threesome with me and another friend of mine, or something like that. i'm in a monogamous relationship, but i wonder if men want something that they don't tell their partners. thanks

[SeriousSam]

The so long as everybody is happy is a silly argument!!  The more people in a relationship the more it becomes exponentially complicated!  Look how hard for example it is for marriages to survive the birth of an innocent child!

Threesomes are very sexy sounding but if you have any doubts in the tiniest iota don't do it if you are going to stay with that person!  Some things just can't be reversed.  If you take the attitude nothing is forever then go for it!

[sammy73]

Yes, the idea of a 3-some is a turn-on.  However, I don't personally think I could emotionally deal with having a 3-some involving my wife and another guy, for real, I might be able to cope with us two plus another woman but don't know how my wife would have felt about that.  We've certainly explored the idea and all sorts of scenarios when describing fantasies to each other, but it's never been more than that.

There was a period, a few years ago, when we joked about swinging a few times.  I wasn't completely sure then (or now) how serious she was about it, whether she she was feeling me out and would have been happier to take it further if I'd been enthusiastic, or whether it was just idle joking about it.

Basically, every man is different, every woman is different, every couple is different.  As long as everyone involved is happy, open, and honest about the situation then in theory there shouldn't be a problem.  But I'd imagine it is very easy for jealousy to rear it's ugly head if one person suspected their partner was getting a little too close to someone else (whether it was really happening or just imagined).

[SeriousSam]

Hmm Good question.

I have always had a problem in that I generally last an insane mount of time which makes women insecure as a rule.  So to be honest when I was younger I was offered the opportunity several different times to have threesomes and have refused them because I have thought that it is not healthy as a rule for a relationship.  

Do I regret refusing the offers?  Yes I have to think that I do.  Do I think it was a smart thing to do?  In a rare moment of indecision I would really have to say I am not sure.

If it is all cuddling mammals, before anyone has kids it probably couldn't hurt anything with a couple of stipulations. I do not think bisexuality of either sex is good in a relationship, or for a relationship.

I think what one lady the one great love that we all have and regret when we screw it up offered me a threesome once and said it would be a FMF thing not a FFM thing because she wasn't wanting to have sex with another woman, that she would have total control on who it was etc.. would have been a ggod thing but here is what I percieve as a problem.

Women think if they love someone they will have sex with them, guys think someone who has sex with them cares for or loves them (or at least validates them).  These are subconcious attitudes that can create subconcious reactions that you cannot always be sure of.  With accompanying problems.

If you want to know what men like I'll address that more later but more than anything affection, loyalty, understanding etc.  The reason sex is normally so important to a man is that it shows he is both desireable to you and that since he is desireably you love him.  No sex means you don't love him.  The reality may be different but unless you are sich that is the subconcious message.

Again there is more to it than that but I have to go to work soon.

[hrt3105]

I  think for the most part the whole 3some thoing is a male fantasy only, prob only a few guys that could deal with 2 women at he same time anyway,  one is more than enuff  LOL. Really though i know my preference is one on one period. when you share yourself with somebody it should be something special between the two of you only.  Hope that helps , not rying to speak for everybody just myself

[g27gear]

I think a lot of men have fantasies about haveing more than one woman in bed at a time. I went through that, and my ex and I tried it quite a few times. It was fun and exciting and really hot! But, looking back on it, and thinking about doing that with my wife now... I can't see sharing someone you love with anyone else reguardless of gender.