Aa
not happy with m i l
I invited my mil to live with us for a few reasons, one being financial for both of us.
Now almost a year later, I cannot stand living w/ her. Her relationships w/ her daughters is dysfunctional
most of the time, they use her, and in turn, I get used by them through her, bcz she cannot say no to them.
So she will ignore what i want and do what they want. Long stories of course. There is always drama going on,
and I have to hear it all of the time. I want her to move out. I canot spend the rest of my life being hooked in this closley with all this drama.
I want to ask her to move out, and just tell her that I don't like having someone else living in our house. She is on state, and will not do anything to help herself, and she physically could, but she will not.
I am afraid this is going to ruin my marriage, cuz I am very unhappy. Her daughters are very selfish and having her here puts me right in the middle.
Can anyone give me some thoughts please? Thanks alot.
Now almost a year later, I cannot stand living w/ her. Her relationships w/ her daughters is dysfunctional
most of the time, they use her, and in turn, I get used by them through her, bcz she cannot say no to them.
So she will ignore what i want and do what they want. Long stories of course. There is always drama going on,
and I have to hear it all of the time. I want her to move out. I canot spend the rest of my life being hooked in this closley with all this drama.
I want to ask her to move out, and just tell her that I don't like having someone else living in our house. She is on state, and will not do anything to help herself, and she physically could, but she will not.
I am afraid this is going to ruin my marriage, cuz I am very unhappy. Her daughters are very selfish and having her here puts me right in the middle.
Can anyone give me some thoughts please? Thanks alot.
I thought all of your answers were really helpful here....thanks for taking the time!
thank you soooo much.... no, not evil,... brilliant!!! i agree!!!!!! I am going to try all of the above, a little at a time.
I thank you all so much for answering my post....
I did just start being a *****. Well so far it has not worked,,. but I will keep trying...
I am sure I will be back....
love ya , Pitter
I thank you all so much for answering my post....
I did just start being a *****. Well so far it has not worked,,. but I will keep trying...
I am sure I will be back....
love ya , Pitter
LOL! I agree with teko and specialmom! We have a roommate who has only been living with us for 2 months (he was only supposed to stay with us for one month) and he's been driving me nuts! I started acting completely different around him (being a big B!!!) and he's been searching desperately for his own apartment and will be gone by the 1st. Worked like a charm! ;-)
COMMUNITY LEADER
LOL. That is not evil . . . that is brilliant. I'm pretty good at being annoying . . . and most people have that innate ability. Start driving her nuts and SHE'LL be trying to figure out how to get out of there! I like it.
This is not a good situation in the best of relationships. I too remember the other post and I remember thinking at that time that this was going to blow up in your face. Altho the best thing to do would be to not allow ourselves in these situations, but once we do they are very hard to reverse without hard feelings. I am evil and chicken. I think I would start getting on her nerves to the point that she wants to move out! I know it sounds terrible! But at least it would be of her choosing and I would not have to have a rift with my husband and be the bad guy with everyone for kicking her to the curb. Trust me, that one you will never live down! Good luck with this one! Blame it on hormones!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm. Well, I remember your past post about your in laws. At that time not long ago, it was the sisters taking advantage of your mother in law and you didn't think it was fair and you were upset that they took your father for a hair cut when you'd been cutting it. Advice from all fronts at that time was to remain neutral and less sensative regarding your father in law. Sounds like things have gone down hill since then with your mother in law.
Well, your only course of action is to talk to your husband. You are entitled to be unhappy with the living arangement and frankly, I'd have gone insane with my mother in law living under my roof too. But it is a marital issue at this point in which you will have to get him on board for the next step of action. So, talk to him and see where he is at with this. If he also agrees, then I'd start to investigate what alternatives you could offer. If she is on the state------ section 8 housing can be very nice. Or she has her daughters that they could live with. It might make things strained with you and the in laws but sounds like they already are.
If your husband disagrees with you--------- that is the situation to work on. Getting on the same page as him------- either his page or yours.
good luck
Well, your only course of action is to talk to your husband. You are entitled to be unhappy with the living arangement and frankly, I'd have gone insane with my mother in law living under my roof too. But it is a marital issue at this point in which you will have to get him on board for the next step of action. So, talk to him and see where he is at with this. If he also agrees, then I'd start to investigate what alternatives you could offer. If she is on the state------ section 8 housing can be very nice. Or she has her daughters that they could live with. It might make things strained with you and the in laws but sounds like they already are.
If your husband disagrees with you--------- that is the situation to work on. Getting on the same page as him------- either his page or yours.
good luck
Hi Starlite, thank you for your reply.
No, it is my husbands mother. I have talked to my husband, he sees what it is, but he feels like we would be "kicking his mother out" . He is not too fond of his sisters right now either, he sees their selfishness too. One of them is a better person, but she says she could never live with her mother. The other 2 are only nice to mom when they want something from her, she calims that one of them even physically abused her....and she cries to me about it, and then they ask her to do something for them- which usually involves my house because she lives here, and she can;t say no even tho they treat her like dirt alot. So I get used by them, right along with her...I can't stand letting them do this to her, but I can't tell her what she can or can't do. I did tell her she needs to not talk to me about them anymore. Because she will jump to what ever they want, and she will put what they want in front of me, even when I asked her not- to do one of them a favor that involved using my house....she went right ahead and did it and ignored me and my wishes.
How do you tell someone that you don't want to live with them anymore? she will cry and tell everyone I am rotten..but she is changing my life, in a not good way, i feel like my life is becoming consumed into being the way she is. She never stops talking- and it is always about someone who is mistreating her or something else miserable. She is also very lazy, which I am feeling angry alot about.
thanks for letting me vent this out.
of course she does have her good points too, she is very friendly and she is a great grand mother too (i don't have any children)
I hope you all have a happy day. thanks.
No, it is my husbands mother. I have talked to my husband, he sees what it is, but he feels like we would be "kicking his mother out" . He is not too fond of his sisters right now either, he sees their selfishness too. One of them is a better person, but she says she could never live with her mother. The other 2 are only nice to mom when they want something from her, she calims that one of them even physically abused her....and she cries to me about it, and then they ask her to do something for them- which usually involves my house because she lives here, and she can;t say no even tho they treat her like dirt alot. So I get used by them, right along with her...I can't stand letting them do this to her, but I can't tell her what she can or can't do. I did tell her she needs to not talk to me about them anymore. Because she will jump to what ever they want, and she will put what they want in front of me, even when I asked her not- to do one of them a favor that involved using my house....she went right ahead and did it and ignored me and my wishes.
How do you tell someone that you don't want to live with them anymore? she will cry and tell everyone I am rotten..but she is changing my life, in a not good way, i feel like my life is becoming consumed into being the way she is. She never stops talking- and it is always about someone who is mistreating her or something else miserable. She is also very lazy, which I am feeling angry alot about.
thanks for letting me vent this out.
of course she does have her good points too, she is very friendly and she is a great grand mother too (i don't have any children)
I hope you all have a happy day. thanks.
Wow! I feel sorry for you in this situation. My gran lived in my family home all through my childhood and everything was great, we all got on, but I can imagine the tension and friction that would be caused if everyone wasn't happy. I'm assuming this is your wife's mum. Have you tried talking to your wife about it? You mention her daughters. Although you say they're selfish, do you think she could go live with one of them for a little while to give you some breathing space?
I think it's something you need to talk about with your wife, but do be careful with the but be issue. She needs to know how you are feeling but don't be overly critical of her family if she's close with them.
I really hope you can sort it out. And btw, I think anyone who invites elderly relatives or in-laws to live with them are great!!......even if it doesn't always work out!
I think it's something you need to talk about with your wife, but do be careful with the but be issue. She needs to know how you are feeling but don't be overly critical of her family if she's close with them.
I really hope you can sort it out. And btw, I think anyone who invites elderly relatives or in-laws to live with them are great!!......even if it doesn't always work out!
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