2 weeks, relationship finished?

[byteasc]

I just recently started seeing a woman, she is 36 and I am 29. She has had 2 failed marriages and comes from a dysfunctional family (Mom/Dad divorced when she was 10, dad was an alcoholic and she was around him till 18 when she committed him to help him get better)

We started out fairly slow but on sunday, things jumped into a bit faster gear, as I came to stay at her house and spent the night. We didn't have sex, but we did cuddle together in her bed and enjoyed that. We did the same thing monday night with no big happenings.

On Tuesday we met for lunch at her office and she told me it was that time of the month for her and to tread lightly lol.. I thought things were fine, but then she emailed me later that she thought things had progressed too far too fast and wasn't sure what to make of it, but needed some time.. She said she liked me and thought I was sweet and treated her well.

Then we emailed a little more and today she told me that, she didn't know if we were finished with our relationship and blamed it all on me not listening to her.. Although in every case she says I didn't listen she has a hand in it, but I know I can't make it her fault or that'll come back on me worse. She says she is no good for me, but shes said before she sometimes feels like nobody wants her..

The few people I've talked to, said I should give her 4-5 days and then see what is going on with her. I told her I'd give her time and she has the ways to get in touch with me. I told her I'd be willing to "start over" with boundaries to help things progress differently.

Most of the guy friends I have are like, run away with my life... while the woman I've talked to, sound like I'm doing okay and for the most part sounded like her being afraid of the relationship and trying to find ways to just turn it off..

Any advice is welcome!

[waitingwithhope]

She is scared that you are going too fast even if you are not. You are going to have to give her space, let her know you are around and after a week or two, you can suggest something that is non-threatening to her like a bike ride or movies.
She also thinks you might be "too good to be true" which is a no win situation for you because if you become nasty, she will say "that's who I thought he was under all that" and if you continue being nice she will wait for the other shoe to drop. The only thing you can do is to continue being yourself, back off a bit, hang out with your guy friends and wait that week.
She will then see that you are not a stalker (another fear of a woman from abusive relationships) and that you really can give her space.
If her goal was to politely get out of this relationship, then she will disappear. If she was scared of how it was progressing and she is scared of her own feelings, then she will email you or try to get in touch with you.
The main thing is, let her know you are there for her, if she wants to talk with you. Don't do anything over the top right now (i.e. don't send five dozen roses) or she'll back up further, but do continue being friendly (if she contacts you). After a week, I think it would be fine to send a general hello email that brings her up to date on the activities you did that past week, how work is going, inquire how her work is going--nothing that is threatening. Then wait again. If she ignores you at this point--it is over. She won't though. She just is testing the waters to see if you are real--or not. She's been burned too many times. It will take her quite some time even if you get back into a relationship, for you to prove to her that you are a good guy--so if you are going to pursue this with her--know you are in for the long haul. After a few years (yes it will take that long) she will see you for who you really are and she will have had time to develop trust.

[RockRose]

I agree with your guy friends.     Get out before you invest more of your time in her.

[Liza55]

Yup...get out. This is waaay too much work and analyzing for the 2 week mark!!! You already know, unfortunately, that she comes w/ tons of baggage. And she's already scared?

[byteasc]

Thanks for the comments. I've probably made it worse as something happened in her life at the end of this week and she needed a friend and called and I missed the call.. I texted her that I missed the call, but she could leave stuff on the voicemail if its mean..

Well, I didnt know till after that, that she was just needing an "escape".. So I'm just letting her go and I will email her in a week or two and check on her, and see how it goes from there. I'd like to try the relationship again, but not sure what she has on her mind.

The oddest fact is she was the first one who called me "boyfriend", before I even gotten to that point. She didn't know why i was interested in her either which told me she has some confidence issues and other problems

[BearHitch]

Well and if you decide to keep going, remember she has had 2 marriages fall apart... so its a good thing that she wants to take it slow, although it seems to me also that she is jumping way ahead if you've only been seeing each other 2 weeks.  She is probably looking at this as a potential long term thing, not just a boyfriend to have around.  If you want it to continue, it wouldn't hurt to have a conversation about such things (and maybe you could find out why the other 2 marriages failed- they may have something in common with what you're dealing with).