20 year old with conflicts

[mmafan174]

I am currently attending a community college, living with my mom, and she doesn't let me date any females who drink any alcohol. Good points to argue? (mind you as a guy, I don't want to see myself with a female I find too muscular and/or with a guy name, so would being judgmental be ok?

[nursegirl6572]

SM...that's the first thing I thought of when I read this OP...

OP...does any of this sound familiar?  Did you create a new ID to ask these same kinds of questions?

[specialmom]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Is-this-list-good--ok--slightly-too-much--or-too-much/show/1815862#post_8368687

All the way down to your age and being at community college.  Very similar.  

[specialmom]

Yes, I pulled up the profile and you appear to have some commonalities with this poster.  

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Mrs-Everything-for-me-Is-this-reasonable/show/1876353

[specialmom]

We had someone here not long ago that had a humongous list of do's and don'ts for a potential partner.  it was out of control.  Things like a masculine name were on the list of undesirables.  Lots of feedback that this was indeed too judgemental.  

Honestly, when you are a man living on your own, you will make your own decisions.  Community college is a two year stint so you should be almost done, right?  Then you can live on your own.  If you aren't a drinker, don't seek a woman that drinks.  That is a compatibility issue that is legit.  

If you are attracted to petite women, go out with petite women.  

This is reminding me of the other poster though so I must search through and look at those posts.  good luck

[mmafan174]

My mom is not big like that (I refrain from saying muscular)

[AnnieBrooke]

Regarding the part about a woman who has a "guy name" -- you *are* aware that is a changing target all the time, in every culture, right?  For example, Kim used to be only a man's name, Brook used to be a man's name, Andrea in Italy *is* a man's name, etc.  I would consider the person's name to be immaterial, at least not enough to stop me from wanting to date someone that I like, but it is your choice.  I don't see it as judgmental per se unless you are somehow super-distressed by women who seem too "strong."  

Regarding muscles, oh well.  Some men don't like muscular bodies.  If this is a part of a scared-of-women-who-seem-too-masculine thing, I'm sorry because it sounds odd, like the kind of thing to discuss in therapy.  But if you merely are not turned on by a woman who works out, well, everyone is turned on by some things and not turned on by other things.  The girls who don't work out will appreciate your interest.

If you have a controlling mother, I could see that you wouldn't like it much.  And if you equate so-called "masculine" traits [though, again, unless a woman chooses to be named "Spike" or "Roger," I wouldn't worry about it much, and please remember that working out is not a solely masculine trait] -- anyway, if you equate so-called masculine attributes in a woman with being controlled by a tough female, I could see you wouldn't find that a turn-on in any way, especially if such a woman reminds you of your mom.  My dad had big muscles, and I never once wanted to date any guy with big muscles.  (Too much like my dad.)

That all said, I don't see how your mother can keep you from dating a woman who has a drink on occasion.  How tightly does she control your life?  How would she even know if the woman did have something to drink?  Do you have to tell her every detail of your life?

[BluCrystal]

Hello.  First: mom's house, mom's rules.  Her rules apply to the house itself, inside and outside, all of the property it sits on, plus any vehicles she owns.  This being said and assumed true, when you are in your own car, away from mom's property, you have the right as a legal (but underaged) adult to do as you please.  As far as judgemental?  You pick your friends.  You might have weird friends, stuck-up friends, friends who won't shower, friends with names like Sam or Pat or Jordan (gender?).  That has nothing to do with you, yourself.  You don't pick your friends by how off-base they are.  You choose them because you have something in common with them.... and find out alot later that one of them can't leave his house without checking the door lock exactly seven times first, every time he leaves.  Another one has such severe road-rage that you have had to bail him out of jail for assault on another driver.  And still another one who absolutely cannot go to sleep without her very tattered musical bunny playing music in bed with her.  People can be eccentric.  That doesn't make them bad.  My point here is that I would hate to see you being too judgemental.  After all, no person is perfect, not even you or me.  And that is just about your friends.  When you begin choosing a woman to date, that's the time you really want to pay attention to who she really is, as a person, and go from there.  And it's late and i think i'm rambling, lol.  good luck and blessings - Blu

[cutipup100]

well a female that drinks is not bad... I go to school at a large university that was named one of the top party schools a few years in a row... girls do drink.... its 2013 its reality she is probably just protective of u. and plus you are not 21 yet so technically u shouldnt be drinking but u might be doing it anyway... no that ,might just be your preference. you are young keep your mind open, let dating be fun doing have rules, but morals.

[mmafan174]

What would be some good points to bring up to say why having a girlfriend who drinks isn't bad? Also, would it be ok to use the term judgmental if I don't want to see myself with a female I find too muscular and/or with a guy name?

[cutipup100]

what exactly is your question?