I agree totally with Londres70. You see how much he does to make people in his family feel loved. In how many ways does he want to care for you? Show you his love for you? How interested is he in any job or schooling you might want to pursue? You know in your heart what to do, and we support you.
P.s. you do have people to talk to. If you go to church talk to your pastor or whatever, You can talk to me, anybody on this list. People care, hun.
I agree with Londres70, Honey this is YOUR life as well. Which means as far as we know we are going around once and secondly, life is short. I know you probably want to roll your eyes at that one, but it is true. I am 54 and I truly feel like i lost twenty years somewhere. You are responsible for you. Nobody else is going to change their agendas to make your life what you want it to be. Pray for strength, take baby steps to get ready to move, find a job where you want to be and begin your new life and lots and lots of new adventures. If you don't, i have a huge feeling that you will be nothing more than an unhappy, subservient person looking back on a sad life. I'm giving you the big sister talk.. think about it ? Take care and realize how strong you are, i would trade with you in a second, life that lovely long life you were given with a smile and happiness. You are not happy... <3
He sounds like a loser you should leave him! No grown *** man should be living with his parents till he's 29 regardless of what the situation is with his parents behavior. They are adults and can take care of themselves or he can come by and visit them like a normal person. You are only 20 years old and need to find a guy your age leave those loser grown men behind no 29 year old woman would even waste her time talking to someone who still lives at home and hates everything and sits on his *** and whines instead of getting up and doing something about it.
Hon, it's time to part ways. SO many red flags here. Where should I begin?
Why should HIS situation CONTROL your life? Plus, you would be jumping from one dysfunctional situation to another as his family life is dysfunctional as well as yours. Staying with him isn't going to change him.
Take it from me, as I see from what you say, that you will never be happy with him. He is unlikely to change and living at home with his parents he has a "safe place" and has a fear to let go and move on.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with anyone still living with their parents no matter what age they are. It all depends on the circumstances. But in this case he seems to be more involved with his mother's feelings than yours. Perhaps he is just happy with you being friends and does not want a serious relationship that will lead to long term commitment.
He has lots of issues that are unresolved. He has a very strong tie to his mum and he will have great difficulty to leave his parental home. Even if he did leave, he would still be putting the needs of his mum first.
Whether this is to do with the way he was brought up, may be his mum is a narcissist and is psychologically manipulating him and making him feel guilty if he leaves I do not know. You do not say where in the sibling rank he falls, and that too will have some bearing.
I also get the impression that he is suffering from some form of depression. He is looking at life in a negative way and giving you reasons why he can't move away from home rather than working out how to deal with paying for his student loan. The excuse of needing a new car is a bit lame. There are other forms of transportation and if he is putting his priority in getting a car first and not talking to you about future plans together or not telling you he loves you (after a whole year of going out with each other), I do not know why you are wasting your time and energy on him.
I also feel that at the moment he is very tightly tied to his mother, and with his negative attitude it is highly likely that he is suffering from depression and could do with some form of help for this. If he does not recognise or accept that he has a problem, then unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help.
The way he is at the moment, should you decide to stay in this relationship expecting more, he will drag you down emotionally and you will start to resent this.
I do not think it fair to give expect him to choose between you or his mum, but at the same time you need to consider what is best for you and your future.
If after a whole year of courtship he has not make it clear to you how he feels about you, you might as well forget it.
It is your decision at the end of the day, but my advice is to end the relationship, move on and find someone who shares the same passion for life as you do.
The other option that is open to you that you can put to him, is that you stay friends with no boyfriend/girlfriend commitments and that you will be looking for a new relationship.
I know it is a very hard decision for you to make, and I wish you the best.
You've painted a very clear, honest picture of what's going on here.
When someone shows you who they are, believe it.
Best wishes.
You should accept things for the way they are
OR
You should move on
I think You should move on, You are not going to 'change' the dynamics here:
What You See Is What You Get - and there are TOO many (major) Red Flags.
Good Luck