4 years I've been with her, she's 35 I'm 35 but now it's not the same

[HowDoITellMyGirl]

Ok well I'm a 26 male guy. I met my girlfriend 5 years so she's from a different country and here on a green card but it doesn't matter. She has no family here so I have her to my self . In the begging it was awsome Bc we use to go out and drink, but now she never wants to leave the house. So I've been doing coke for at least 10 years now but not like every week during it. But for about the last year or so I started doing it a lot because it can only be so much fun when ur home everynighr. She was kinda ok with it the first couple months now she's totally against it. But when I do it by my self I get wicked kinky and have fantasies I want to do with her it would spice stuff up so much because we don't **** anymore Bc I want to do it when I'm high and if she knows she won't let me touch her , and I no she's a freak Bc when we stated I could tell. But now the more I've been doing it the crazier my fantasies have been getting. I want to tell her about them but I'm to scared to tell her what they are Bc I don't no if she would be down with half the stuff . But it's only when I'm high and I don't understand why she would let me do it in the begging just to get us back together can anyone help what I should do ?

[AShygirl]

Please don't do coke to help you out with your fantasies. Talk to her about the changes you've noticed about her and tell her you miss hanging out with her. Make sure to talk to her when you ar sober. Please also understand that women sometimes lack the urge to have sex if theu too tired of chores and work. You have to set the mood and have an effort.

[specialmom]

So, here is what I'm wondering . . .  if you have an addiction problem, she is now fully aware and not willing to overlook it.  I personally would not be interested in my husband if he were high and wanted sex in a different way when high AND this would be magnified if I was afraid for him that he had an addiction issue. And when dealing with an addicted partner, that fear can translate to their actually acting mad.  So, this sounds like the dysfunctional dance of a codependent couple to me.  

I would work on giving up cocaine in our life.  It would be much healthier for YOU and your relationship.  good luck

[Nighthawk61]

Hi there, you've said.. " I don't understand why she would let me do it in the begging just to get us back together "

Does this woman still drink ?

It sounds like maybe when you were in the "honeymoon stage" where , when you first met, you both liked to go out drinking and that led to her most uninhibited sex.

If her drinking stopped or slowed down it is a natural progression of persons not affected by addiction. It sounds like , while she probably cherishes some of the experiences that you both shared when partying, she outgrew that lifestyle. It is possible that this woman is wanting now to experience lovemaking that is "real" and not fueled by the intake of substances. I think that this is the norm when it comes to relationships. While she may have enjoyed being uninhibited, she may now feel embarrassed that she took it too far. Is she religious? Does she believe that God is watching? If so, she may want to live with propriety as her focus at this time.

There are stages that happen in relationships. It sounds like she's at a different stage than you , and that you/re no longer on the same page.

Have you talked to her about what her long and short term goals (education, career, marriage, motherhood, hobbies/courses) are, and thought a lot of whether you're down with that ?

It sounds like the coke you're doing really bothers her, if she wants nothing to do with you if you're high on coke. So i'm thinking that her being uninhibited turned into something she was not proud of, maybe sickening her that it happened. If she quit drinking because she didn't like herself, it stands to reason that she's not going to like you much for having to be high when lovemaking.

Whereas when you first got together, both drinking and experiencing uninhibited sex, now there is no longer that mutual balance.  You're high cuz you want to be, and she's striaght cuz she wants to be. Whereas once you may have felt compatible, currently it sounds as though you both don't feel you are compatible.

What to do?

First things first, You said she was a foreigner, that has a green card - is her green card dependent upon your relationship lasting or not?

If her green card is dependent on your relationship, then she may stay regardless of whether you continue or stop using coke. If her green card is not dependent on your relationship, and you refuse to discontinue using coke, or at the very least do not approach your lovemaking while high, she may leave you for someone who is more "real", or maybe that she respects more for the choices they are making.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Your GirlFriend is NOT responsible for Your use of cocaine.   Cocaine use is a choice and YOU made that choice. You cannot suggest anything She does or does not do is the cause of YOUR choice(s)   -   ("she never wants to leave the house so I've been doing coke")    Do Your GirlFriend a favor and let Her go.  If You want kinky it's out there - go find someone who's up for it and that will free Her so She can look for SomeOne who's a better match for Her.

[HowDoITellMyGirl]

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