5-7 weeks of a relation-the romance stage?

[Palaima]

Its long, but I needed to give background for you to understand the full aspects of the situation I am in.

Me and my current boyfriend met at the dance at the venue where usually we don't go. We both are interested in Modern Jive. So it was like a sign ;) that night he was the best dancer and I was the best dancer for him, so we really enjoyed few danced we had that evening. But bcos I came to see my friend and he came bcos two of his friend wanted to try it out. So we both could not really communicate. But he asked me where I usually dance- that is standard question at our dances when you see a good dancer and you never came across before. Anyway we left without even saying good bye. But few days later he made an appearance at my usual venue when we danced almost whole night together. ( usually people dance only 1-2 dances in a raw).  After the dance he offered me a lift, he was going same direction and I lived only few min away( 10) so I agreed. But on the way we start talking and we ended up going to a night club where we continued talking. It was so easy but with no romantic attributes, so I didn't really know is he just a friend or he is interested in me. While talking we found out common friends as we both from the same hobby circle. So he invited me to a house warming party of one of his friends. Then there he show that he is interested in me as a girl, not like a friend. I was happy with a friend arrangement as I was after the bad break up that ended 2 months ago. ( my ex was from dancing circle as well).  So on our first date I said that I am afraid going for a relationship, especially after the last one...  but he was happy to be friends and said that if I need time he will wait. That he want serious relationship and so on… he is 10 years older than me( 41 ), so I tend to believe him. So after a  month of being friends and doing a lot of things together at  one of our common friends dance party we became a couple.  There were few guys that were interested in me and he made sure they knew I am his girl. So then the message of us being a couple went out that we officially dating  it’s a small community about 500 people, so people know each other…
I am writing it in order to explain that he tried and was proud and happy to be my boyfriend. So that weekend I stayed at his and that how our relationship moved on from "friends and platonic relationship" into intimate one.  On Sunday there was another tea party around his place with his friends so I was introduced as his GF. Following weekend he asked me to go to his friend's 40th birthday to Oxford overnight. Usually he was going there on his own, so his friends were happy to see him with a girl ( me). We received a lot of invitations everyone wanted to get to know me. As it looked that our relationship was serious if he took me to this type of party where all of his best friends were. So then we spent another nice weekend and after it he went for 2 weeks holiday to America. I in this short time I used for him being around that I missed him a lot. Usually, he wasn't nice in texting, no nicknames nothing while we were friends or while dating, no expression of feelings. Very cold messages. So I  didn't expect any messages from him from America and he warned me not to expect them but received 3 cold messages one about weather, another that he had a museum day and another the he went to Canada. That's all. No feelings or even sending a text with happy Easter- Even I sent one myself.

So over these two weeks and luck of messages from him I really missed him. But when he got back he wasn't keen to meet me.:((((((   I called him twice but got his answer phone, so I left one message. Then I received a call and he was talking to me like we've seen each other yesterday. I asked when I am going to see him and he said he needs time for himself, he need to sort things out and so on. So I asked a direct question if he is not into me say so don't play games. Then he said that he is. But I am expecting too much from him. I expecting a communication every day as it’s the begging of a relationship, he said that in a beginning is very slow and later if becomes more frequent when person becomes more significant. I disagreed. And said his luck of communication and unwillingness to see me makes me feel unwanted. And played as I was happy to be just friends. So he said that he like a chase and a game of 3 day rule. I said it already behind when u admitted to people that we are couple. And if he wanted to play ball with me, I warned him that I am not interested in that, so I feel that he used me and played. As he gained my trust of being a friend and then when I let my defence down, now he is no longer keen to see me. Also because I am making him a priority and I try to arrange my meetings with friends around him, he thinks that I am making it too easy and he like the chase. I think chase was appropriate before we became a couple. Or I am missing something? So conversation ended he need to think can he give me what I want, as he thinks I am running and he is walking.  And that I am forcing him to do something he is not comfortable… so please can you explain how come he was there for whole months trying to get my attention?

Can you please explain what is this? If he is no longer interested why he is not admitting it? but if he is interested why is he behaving like he is not? I am so confused and angry of him.

Two of my male friend think I need to forgive him and move on. What is your advice?

[teko]

Sounds to me like he thinks things are just moving to quickly and has scared him back. He obviously is afraid of where you want this to go and how fast your wanting to get there. It kind of takes all the fun out of it and goes right into all the serious stuff that for whatever reason he is not ready for. I would back off, remain friendly but not be exclusive to him. He is 41 and available for a reason. Maybe he has been burned bad at some point, or single for too long and set in his ways. You however need to do what is best for you.

[Palaima]

thank you very much for all your comments. Sadly, I agree with you,that he is not ready for commitment or that he actually met someone else while he was away for  these 2 weeks. Even if he is not committed at least you'd have a physical desire  to meet a person and obviously that wasn't the case in my situation...:(

some updates, he called me yesterday, but i didn't pick the phone. Let him have his thrill of chase. but I'll definatelly gonna see him this weekend as we both are going for our dancing workshop, aslo we have already booked a dancing weekender in June.

about seeing other men its not a problem, problem is I don't want to get a reputation that I went out with that guy and that and so on... if he kept it quiet and then did that I don't think I would be so upset.

thank you again for all your comments

[EveKendall]

I agree with Lonelymom.Let him go and start seeing other men. So many men blow hot and cold. They do love the thrill of the hunt, but once they bag the carcass, they disappear or start playing the "cold feet" card. "I need to sort things out" is  code for "I don't want what you want."

Listen to these signals he is sending you and back away. It won't be easy, but keep up the dancing. :o) It's great exercise and you will meet other men that way. :)

Acknowledge that the two of you want different things in your life, and move on.  If he wants to contact you, he knows how to find you. Let him go.

[imanaddict]

Maybe he found someone else while you two were apart? Either that or he realized he isn't ready for a relationship. It's hard to say!

[Lonelymom]

For some guys it is all about the chase. Once they got you and they know you are theres they are done... Unfortunately from my experience most older men are defianetly that way! They love the challenge of trying to get a younger girl and once they have them then ok that busted their ego now they can move on to the next young beautiful girl..

My opinion is follow what your other male friends said. Move on and forget about him.

[iam1butterfly]

...so, he likes the "chase" and, maybe he's a player.
Or, maybe he's just a better dancer than a verbal... or written communicator.