Aa
7 years, 7 mos. & 5 days
I have been seeing this man for the last 7 years, 7 mos., on July 4th, (the same day 8-9 years ago his ex-wife split on him) I was told that he needed me to move out, and to show he wasnt' being an ***, he was giving me the old C-Class RV to live in since I had no where to go. He has a 14 year old son who has made his/our life hell for the last 5 years, and an 18 year old who moved out the day b4 she turned 18 saying "i'm 18 I can do anything I want", so she moved in with her boyfriend at Fort Polk, became engaged on 2-14-11 and was married on 5-28-11, which at one hour before the wedding rehersal i was told not to come to any of the wedding activities....
We have had struggles with his kids because I would see things that he did not or maybe he was ignoring and then try to help him handle a situation...
His daughter has to move back home cause, as I suggested to them in March, She will not be able to leave Fort Polk and go with her husband to Germany where he will begin his 6 year re-enlistment. She does not want me in the house with her father and is very controlling and manipulative, as with he brother who is very distructive.
I don't know how to even begin to recover from this loss.
ok, so he was quite wonderful in the bedroom, which made me go every extra step to please him....and he always told me there wasnt' anything else he could want for as for as exceeding his want and desires and needs from a woman..
I have helped him out financially, and helped with many other things in the house and everywhere else,
I felt like something was wrong when he didn't give me anything for Nurse's week and Mother's day, and such, but still in May, b4 the wedding, I had suggested moving out during the summer and getting a second place to help relieve some of the stress of his son, then he & I would have our own "getaway", but he discouraged it, so I thought everything was going to move on along, and maybe his son would grow up once he started ASH this Fall, but no.....
He said, "I don't see myself persuing a relationship again with you"...my heart crumbled... again...even more........
He has helped me with several of the problems with the RV I have run into, but keeps distant...
He is a warm, caring person when his kids aren't around but puts on a "tough-mean-non-caring" attitude when they are present....
What to do....
We have had struggles with his kids because I would see things that he did not or maybe he was ignoring and then try to help him handle a situation...
His daughter has to move back home cause, as I suggested to them in March, She will not be able to leave Fort Polk and go with her husband to Germany where he will begin his 6 year re-enlistment. She does not want me in the house with her father and is very controlling and manipulative, as with he brother who is very distructive.
I don't know how to even begin to recover from this loss.
ok, so he was quite wonderful in the bedroom, which made me go every extra step to please him....and he always told me there wasnt' anything else he could want for as for as exceeding his want and desires and needs from a woman..
I have helped him out financially, and helped with many other things in the house and everywhere else,
I felt like something was wrong when he didn't give me anything for Nurse's week and Mother's day, and such, but still in May, b4 the wedding, I had suggested moving out during the summer and getting a second place to help relieve some of the stress of his son, then he & I would have our own "getaway", but he discouraged it, so I thought everything was going to move on along, and maybe his son would grow up once he started ASH this Fall, but no.....
He said, "I don't see myself persuing a relationship again with you"...my heart crumbled... again...even more........
He has helped me with several of the problems with the RV I have run into, but keeps distant...
He is a warm, caring person when his kids aren't around but puts on a "tough-mean-non-caring" attitude when they are present....
What to do....
As a parent...the children will ALWAYS come first. They are his flesh and blood. Seeing as how they are adults, they are being extremely immature, manipulative and a$$holes (pardon the language please.).
There is a time in a parents life when you do have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Which is what this man needs to do. He is letting his children run/ruin his life. Which is not how a parent/child relationship is supposed go.
My parents are divorced, remarried and divorced again. (they didn't remarry each other...it was to other people.) And sadly both are working on their third marriages. I didn't like either of their previous spouses. They were horrible people, but I didn't interfere. I expressed my opinions and concerns (which turned out I was right in my opinions...it just took dad 10 years and mom 5 to realize that) and dropped the subject. In fact, when my husband and I got married I quit visiting my mother all together because I couldn't stand her husband. But, it's her life. She's a big girl. She makes her own decisions. (The newest girlfriend and boyfriend I like. They are both wonderful people and we now visit my parents all the time.)
This is what his children need to do. Just say what they feel and that's it. You're ex is a grown man. He does not need his children to tell him how to live his life. It's time for him to be a man and tell them to butt out.
If he can't, then let him go. It's not fair to you. You shouldn't be made to fee like sh!t because he can't control his children.
There is a time in a parents life when you do have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Which is what this man needs to do. He is letting his children run/ruin his life. Which is not how a parent/child relationship is supposed go.
My parents are divorced, remarried and divorced again. (they didn't remarry each other...it was to other people.) And sadly both are working on their third marriages. I didn't like either of their previous spouses. They were horrible people, but I didn't interfere. I expressed my opinions and concerns (which turned out I was right in my opinions...it just took dad 10 years and mom 5 to realize that) and dropped the subject. In fact, when my husband and I got married I quit visiting my mother all together because I couldn't stand her husband. But, it's her life. She's a big girl. She makes her own decisions. (The newest girlfriend and boyfriend I like. They are both wonderful people and we now visit my parents all the time.)
This is what his children need to do. Just say what they feel and that's it. You're ex is a grown man. He does not need his children to tell him how to live his life. It's time for him to be a man and tell them to butt out.
If he can't, then let him go. It's not fair to you. You shouldn't be made to fee like sh!t because he can't control his children.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Sounds like you certainly spent a long time with this man and it sure does hurt when someone ends something we are not ready to have be over. I'm sorry as it sounds like you are suffering.
I think when you ask 'what to do' in this situation, there really isn't much you can do. He's broken up with you and not given you any hope of reconciliation. That is pretty clear-------- he's not leaving any wiggle room to wonder.
So you are forced to move on here. There sounds like there has been drama over the years and more in his life to come. You don't need that in your own life.
I'd start treating this like a break up and do some things that will help you through. Do you have any good friends to lean on? If not, now is the time to put yourself in situations to develop them. (things like joining a gym, doing some job training so you can get more financially secure and eventually not have to live in his RV but can support yourself------ you'll meet people in classes you take or through jobs you have). If you do have people to contact, now is the time to reach out. Figure out who you are outside of that relationship. Keep a journal. Exercise. Distract yourself.
Again, I'm sorry----------- peace.
I think when you ask 'what to do' in this situation, there really isn't much you can do. He's broken up with you and not given you any hope of reconciliation. That is pretty clear-------- he's not leaving any wiggle room to wonder.
So you are forced to move on here. There sounds like there has been drama over the years and more in his life to come. You don't need that in your own life.
I'd start treating this like a break up and do some things that will help you through. Do you have any good friends to lean on? If not, now is the time to put yourself in situations to develop them. (things like joining a gym, doing some job training so you can get more financially secure and eventually not have to live in his RV but can support yourself------ you'll meet people in classes you take or through jobs you have). If you do have people to contact, now is the time to reach out. Figure out who you are outside of that relationship. Keep a journal. Exercise. Distract yourself.
Again, I'm sorry----------- peace.
Too many (red flag) issues here!! Sometimes love isn't enough - I too vote move on.
Move on. If he isn't willing to put you before his children, he's not a good man for you. His children will NEVER accept you as long as he does not support you 100% so you were sunk when he didn't support you from day 1 :(
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