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Abandoned by husband.
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Abandoned by husband.

Until 5 days ago I thought I had a wonderful spouse,the best father to my children and thought that I was so fortunate to have such a loving husband.We have been married for almost 6 years and have 2 young children and he has always loved my 3 older children as his own.The other night he left us and blames me for his decision,telling me there is nothing I can to to correct this problem.He says we have had this problem several times and that I will never change,but he was unable to tell me what the problem is . I try to let him know that I would like to try counseling for this unresolved issue and that I love him deeply regardless of this decision he has made.He is very nasty to me if I call to see how he has been and only reduces me to tears.I have decided not to call him anymore, because I do not deserve this treatment and have let him know that I will no longer take Blame for him leaving.It breaks my heart to not extend to him my the support I would like to give him, but I will not allow my children to see me accept this kind of treatment.How will I get him to open up and at least give our family a chance? I love this man so much, but he hates me right now and acts like he has our whole marrige!This is the most horrible experience my children and I could ever have happen to us!He even told me I became pregnant on purpose to trap him, when he was the one who wanted to have children so desperatly!What on earth do I do ?
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18 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through.  You are right to not call him or accept poor treatment because it would teach your kids to accept poor treatment in their future relationships.  You do however need to make sure that you are getting the support you need.  Do you have close friends who can give you support?  Is your family (not your kids) around to help you through this?  YOu may also want to look at going to counselling to help you through this difficult time.
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177641_tn?1189759437
Don't get excessively paranoid by this, but is it possible that he's seeing someone else?

Where did he go? That's not very kind of him to leave you with no real reason for needing to abandon you like this.
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164559_tn?1233711618
I think he has another woman.  Especially since he won't really articulate what the problem is.

Do not blame yourself.  Be strong for your kids.  Build your support network and stand on your own two feet.

Leave him be, if he comes back and you are still willing, try counselling.

Regardless of what happens between you, try to work together to give your kids a positive childhood.

I am sorry this is happening to you.
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177641_tn?1189759437
anxiousmomtobe: Nice to know I'm not the only one who had that thought.

josiecat: It's been my (bitter) experience that when a man "suddenly" doesn't want to be with you anymore but gives you no reason, it's because he doesn't want to admit that he's been unfaithful. PLUS the man will also try to invent reasons why you're so awful to justify his actions to himself.

Don't let him push you around. Hold your ground. Focus on the well-being of your kids. This is a really awful situation you may be in :( Do your best to keep your cool.
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Avatar_f_tn
Remember that love doesn't treat you that way and you and your children deserves the best don't blame yourself for loving an inconsiderate man just take it as a lesson learned and move on. What don't kill you can only make you stronger!!
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143952_tn?1237868141
I have to agree with the possibility of there being another woman in the picture.  men just don't seem to take off, leaving a wife who cooks and cleans for him, just "because".  my dh always gets mad at me when i make that claim, but time and time again we hear belatedly the real reason:  another woman.

i'm sorry you're going through such a painful ordeal.  good for you for keeping your distance and giving your children a good role model!  
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Avatar_m_tn
Who knows what the deal is with him, one thing you do know is he is not showing you love and is blaming you for everything. He sounds like a selfish jerk to me.

I think you are right about not wanting the kids to see him mistreat you this way. See if you can get some counselling to figure out why you love a person who mistreats you and isn't loving towards you. You and the kids deserve better. Being alone and healthy is better than being with someone who is mistreting you any day. Be strong and remember, love is supposed to be a two way street.
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Avatar_f_tn
Josie, understand that this situation has nothing to do with you and all to do with him. I think he has found someone else. He is looking for reasons to leave you and to justify why he is with someone else, therefore, he "can't" reconcile with you or else he would have to face the idea that he did this to someone who didn't deserve it and loved him. He is choosing to be blinded and remain blind while he tries to win this other woman and escape from life. This relationship with the other woman won't last long, though. The grass is not greener on the other side and I bet he will eventually come crawling back to you. The best you can do is stay strong, get some individual counseling so that you feel confident in your decisions and emotionally supported during this rough time and don't say anything bad to the children about their dad no matter how tempting it is. Take the high ground, let your children know that he is going through something that has nothing to do with you or them and then as much as you can, keep focussed on things about you (and the kids)...go to the gym, get out with your friends and don't let this man control who you are or who you will be in the future.
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177641_tn?1189759437
Holy smokes josiecat! That's very proactive of you. It sounds like you have a good handle on your situation and you're taking charge!

I'm curious. What did these women say when you contacted them? (if you don't mind my asking) I'm very curious to know what your husband thinks he's doing now (making such big purchases).

Make sure you take the time to address/counsel your children's needs too. You're taking on a lot. I'm sure you're already doing this but do call upon your friends and family for support. Good luck with things!
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry about your situation. He will eventually regret his ways, but by then, you will be on a better road and will have the strength to know you don't want that type of person in your life anymore. Take care of yourself and your children and things will look brighter in the future...it may take time, but it does get better.
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Avatar_n_tn
Recently I have beaten my husband at his own game.I found that he has been placing calls to several women and I have contacted all of them.He also has since he left purchased 2 new horses and a truck{ no my name is not conected with these purchases}I have taken his money out of the savings account ,checking account and have closed them, transfering them to my account.I have also notified him of a time that he can get his clothing. I will be returning to  my full time job that I have missed the last several years, and am seeing a counselor.This week I have an appointment with a lawyer.Thank you everyone for your help
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Avatar_n_tn
   Slow healer,Yes I am making a valid effort to move forward with this I appreciate your encouragement.The women that I contacted were very suprised to say the least! The girl I had seen that had been in contact with him the most told me that she could not remeber if she had sex with my husband,I in return let her know that I was very disapointed that my husband chose to accompany himself with someone of such a weak mind. I also let her know that if she felt bad for him making the assumption that I was an unattractive out of shape mother of 5 that she was sadly mistaken,because I am a very nice ,attractive and in shape active mother that could be a force to be reckoned with if I chose to.I also let my husband know and boy did the poor excuses come in a flurry. This I have to say was very satisfying. Thanks again for your interest!    
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191716_tn?1217243363
That's a very positive way of thinking I salute you! - A woman who doesn't bow to a man. Good luck...
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148691_tn?1260198503
josiecat!!!! I wish ALL women were just as strong as you are!!!! AMEN to your actions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holly geez girl!!!!! you are handling like a REAL WOMAN!!!!! taking charge of it and looking up and keep going. THAT A GIRL!!!!

what a ****.py, numb.nuts piece of a$$ you had....., but SO glad you got rid of that.......and on with your VERY VALUABLE life girl!!!!!!

(((standing ovation to you)))
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Avatar_n_tn
       This forum has proven to be a great form of support for me , all of you who have encouraged me have no idea how valuable your feedback has been. Just to let you know,he now says he's ready to talk, my response....." like you said , we have nothing to talk about". I rather enjoy watching the tables turn!
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Avatar_m_tn
If anyone here would read this with the same story as of josiecat. Please fight back. Or at least try to. These men think they could get away with what they did. To josiecat, find your husband, know what he is doing. If he is having an affair, like I thought he is, sue him for adultery and his mistress. There are free legal services somewhere if you don't have money. Many abandoned wives just let their husbands leave and have the time of their lives with their mistress. Find justice for yourself and your children.
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Avatar_m_tn
My Husband left me the 3rd time without any valid reason we just had fight over watching my 9 yrs old when i was going back home to see my ailing father.That ******* when he left first time took $250,000 equity under my name and he forced me to sign those paper otherwise he will divorce me,I was so scared as my daughter was only 3 yrs old and i was just a house wife.I never saw the check comming and being transfer somewhere else.after he got all themoney he filed for divorce and left me without any penny at home disconnected all the utilities even me and my baby were living in that house.after a week i start getting all the credit card bills when totaled its came up to $52000.with all mortgage which was $700,000 plus $52,000 on my cc I was so paranoid,I ran to bring him back from his friends house I was just begging him to come home he called cops on me threw me out from his house I was standing 6 hrs out side of his friends house crying and begging him to be back I was so heart broken wasn't thinking what I was doing fainted after 6 hrs crying in august hot weather of NY he called the ambulance and made the statement that I will try to kill my self instead of emergency they took me to psychiatric ward kept me under observation and I was just thinking that I took all these degree and was also the position holder in college to be in this mess.The psychiatric spoke to me the next day and told me ur husband is very wicked as i told him the whole situation,he also told me not to run behind him as he is thinking he is a hero.from that day I stop running behind now he was the one running behind me as I started to fight the case working two jobs and taking care of my daughter when he was about to be in trap he trapped me again with emotions and fake love also for my daughter sake I dropped every case and went back with him,After 8 months he acted the same way and left us again filed for divorce while living with us.I fought back for 3 yrs and again at the end he trapped me again emotionally for the sake of my daughter,but this time he moved to pearland Texas with his family ,my family was so against me comming here in Texas as I had no family member here,I was a little uncmofortable living with my sister-in-law as she always wanted privacy whereas my brother never wanted me to leave but I didnt want to destroy their relationship because of me so I again took a wrong step and after 2 yrs on April 7 2011 he bought 2 cops showing that I am a very dangerous woman and took his stuff moved to his sister 5 minutes away diconnecting all the utilities didn't even pay the rent and not even one penny in home with my now 9 yrs old daughter she was so heartbroken and cried so much saying mom I wish I was never born.It fairly a new city for me I have noone here my family wants me to come back to NY but now my part-time job is here I dont know what to do where to go what should be my first step but my divorce is confirm this time Godwilling.I saw the smillar stories like my so wanted to share with all these beautiful women who met the worse people in life I will keep u all in my prayers do the same for me I am requesting and advice me for what and where to go for legal help.Thank you all for your time God bless u
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi Zara, welcome to medhelp!  First let me tell you that you've posted at the end of an old and long thread and that can often get missed.  If you'd like some more responses, you can always go to the top of the forum and do "post a question" and start your own thread.

Wow,  long few years you have had.  Your husband almost sounds sociopathic.  It sounds like there has been a lot going on in different areas in your marriage which must really be tiring for you.  I hope that you aren't still tied to so much financial debt!!  That is a nightmare.  

I'll be totally honest with you, from what you've written here----------  I'll give you the advice to go ahead and move back to New York by your family.  YOu will be able to find a part time job there, I'm sure.  And having family to help support you emotionally sounds very crucial for you and your daughter.  

You need to show your daughter what a strong woman you are and that you can take charge of your life.  If you have any doubts as to whether this man has been bad news for you (other than giving you your wonderful child), please seek some counseling.  Then you will be able to understand why you kept coming back to such a dysfunctional person as he sounds.  You want to be as strong emotionally as you can to get things back on track----  and so often, a good therapist can facilitate that.  

I do wish you peace.  It sounds like you've suffered.  
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