I just have to ask how do you think these friends would feel or what would they say? do you think they would consider him a friend if they knew what he was doing?. I'm very sorry that you feel crushed by this, i would too. its most definitely wrong and like some have said in previous posts 'perverted'. i know if i were one of these friends i would feel uncomfortable and like your fiance was betraying you with me. its an awkward situation and one i wouldn't put up with. You didn't actually say where these photos came from, did he take them? What's he like when around these people, my concern is that it could lead to something else. don't beat yourself up, its nothing to do with you, he's the one that should be ashamed. if you've done nothing wrong then you have no reason to doubt yourself about why this relationship is like this. Be strong, you deserve better.
AnnieBrooke, you're first post made me laugh, not the content of the message though, that was spot on. I agree wholeheartedly with the ladies that have posted here, in depth. I would leave this guy in your dust in a heartbeat, and not look back. I don't think this is something that you're going to be able to justify in the short or long term. Sorry that you've been so let down. The fact is that having to have "privacy" from your partner is not healthy. You both should be enjoying your sex life together. It's really very lucky that you found this out now, where you can get advice, and process this before you get married. You should have some expectations about your sex lives together, and this would not be met with indulgence from many woman. You have a big choice to make, and I don't envy you how hard this will be to rectify in order that you feel good about yourself again. Please know that you are not alone, and you will not be alone for long, should you choose to consider the suggestion of the ladies here on Medhelp.
Hugs. Liz
That's the point. He is not fantasizing in an abstract way about some hot babe in the men's magazine, he is thinking specifically of real people he knows, friends of yours and his. That crosses a lot of boundaries that most people would never cross.
Another poster on this site once wrote that she discovered that her boyfriend had been secretly videoing her friends and female relatives using the bathroom in their home. It almost sounds like this is where it might go, if you two continue and marry and keep a home where your friends come visit, but even if it does not, he is sort of doing this in his mind to them already.
There is a difference between merely a healthy attitude about sexuality, and invasion of personal privacy and utter disregard for friends' trust. A man who doesn't have normal respect for others is not a good candidate for husband, imo.
I'm sure you would have had less of a problem with it if you found him with a Playboy magazine or something. The fact that he was doing this, by stimulating his mind with fantasies of people he and you both KNOW in your real lives makes it perverted, IMO.
Fantasies are just that...pretend basically. I just can't consider it a "fantasy" when it involves people from your real life. I'm sorry, but I also think you have some decisions to make. I know what I would do.
Good luck.
This is a tough one and me speaking from a male perspective might not be the wisest thing for me here but it is an open forum. If you feel there is truth in education. I major in college human sexuality. Many theories were from Master and Johnson who were considered experts in this field. A big part of sexual develpment is fantacys, they say that they are an intricate part of human develpment. These fantacys are considered very private material and are not limited to any one theme and are encouraged to be done. If your b/f is doing it in the open in the living room in front of people, this would be a different matter.
You have found out he is an obsessive masturbator who does not draw the line at anonymous pix in porn but actually masturbates looking at pictures of people you know. What to do, what to do. A) Wring your hands and blame yourself. B) "Sheez, what a sicko," end of engagement, his clothes in a box on the front step, new phone number, new options for you. Your choice. Also, if you choose goodbye, fiance, you could also try hello, therapist for a few sessions, to figure out why on earth this pervy behavior of his made you feel bad about yourself. It wasn't you masturbating to photos of people you know.
P.S.
I would suggest that You not let YOUR self esteem come into play here. To me it's obvious that this is HIS issue and has NOTHING to do with You. Please, don't take this as a personal affront. You don't know what He was doing before You, or whose pictures He was doing this with - but I assure You, this was an issue for Him before You entered the picture!!
I can only agree with You!! I too, would have an issue with Him doing this to pictures of His Friends and Yours. I have no suggestion for You, I only support You in that this is disturbing behavior!! and I would be HUGELY bothered also!!
I will be interested to watch this post and see what Others advise.