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Affair with co worker
I have been with my fiancee for 8 years. Not so happily. But I got talking to a coworker and we both admitted we feel in love more than could ever be explained. It was as if we were the same person inside. He's married and has a 12 year old girl. So i made sure and told him not to jump into anything. Well he went back and stayed with his wife and I stayed with my fiance...and am trying to work suff out but I don't understand how a love so real can just up and disappear? I still love him more than anything but he acts like it was never there. Is this just his cover up or was he just using me to try and get sex? It never happened that was what was so special about us? He won't even come around me anymore. I don't know how to move on...any advice?
As mentioned in another comment, I feel nothing for your pain. I cannot believe you are sitting there upset that this man has decided to stay with his WIFE. You are upset that he doesn't pay attention to you? HE IS MARRIED! Move on and find a man of your own that will love you but since you cheated....once a cheater always a cheater.
EVERYTHING ASIDE- you cheated on your fiance. Get that straightened out first. Leave him since you do not love him/ nor are getting what you need enough to stay faithful. Even if the coworker and you never work out, you've now had a taste of being happy and in love again. I would first get yourself out of the unsatisfied relationship you are in before looking for anyone else.
What you have with the co-worker might just be efatuation. As with any relationship, feelings and emotions come and go. The guy is doing the right thing by avoiding you if he is married. No one should be hanging around someone they might have ANY intimate feelings for except the one they are married too. That is the reason for takeing oaths under and to God and the other. You people that lose feelings for the one you married or LET yourself be intimate with another are totaly forgetting about God. That is why there are so many divorces in the world.
OMG! I didn't even see my typo...It was supposed to say *IT* will bite you in the butt! I guess ya'll knew that though. I'm so embarassed!
Oops...that's supposed to say why in the world would you WANT TO bite her? That's what I get for picking on Shawn...big no-no.
Confused: Keep resisting. It will get easier. Sooner or later he will get the message.
Shawn: Why in the world would you do bite her?haha
Shawn: Why in the world would you do bite her?haha
Yeah I know I am trying to be strong but he has came by twice today and doesn't really have a reason and won't say much. I don't know if he's trying to tempt me or what. But its so hard to not want him. He is a very caring and understanding person. We can talk hours at a time about nothing. I have never met anyone like that....but I'm still resisting
Shygirl is right! I will bite you in the butt! I've seen dozens of times with my girlfriend......bad idea!
good job on not giving into the coworker. and a little hint for you, never dip your pen in the company ink. it will almost always bite you in the butt. as for the guy your living with, well sometimes honey we grow up and we realize we made some bad choices. and sometimes part of growing up means you need to deal with those bad choices. I shacked up with someone very early in my life too, and then I left him when I realized that I was not going to throw the rest of my life away if I wasn't happy.
It must be a habbit cause I am scared not knowing where I will be in the next few minutes. I have been with my fiancee since I was 12.....never really dated he was my first real crush and after finally getting his attention it was like I just didn't want to loose it. We have been through alot my parents would move to different towns about every 3 months and my and my fiancee made it through the distances. And I moved in with him when I was 16 and I am used to what's going to happen next even if it's not always happy. I do appreciate the insite on the co-worker and I see you all are most likely right, he has moved on and yeah I still feel very deeply for him but I just don't think the feeling were like he pretended them to be. So I do appreciate the advice. He did stop and try to talk to me yesterday but after talking about it here with you all I told him that it wasn't fair to anyone for us to do that. So thanks again to all of you.
you are ON FIRE today...good guess with the wedding story! i was wondering of course since it was mentioned. i thought the bachelor!! owell
I know it's not normal to not have friends but he says I don't need them because he doesn't. I have left many times and I can't stand to stay away he always makes me feel like I can't do better. And he is good to me in most sences...such as money I can have anything I want and I have a brand new car and we have 100 acre farm and it's all paid for but he thinks money is everything. And it's just not so easy to get away. He always says he'll change how he treats me emotionally and I always believe him. And without giving personal details we are about to be on a major TV program series that I got him on and he throws that in my face. B/c on there we tell every one how much we love each other in the script and he says how will that look to everyone when you leave me. So I do appreciate getting so human feedback on here.
You say your fiancee thinks that therapy is for the mentally insane, he doesn't think you should have friends, you post on the depression forum asking if you have a cheating problem. Hun, seriously you need to just stop for a moment. Your fiancee isn't healthy for you and it doesn't seem like your head is screwed on straight to begin with. I suggest you cut ties with all men for right now until you can get a grip on life. I'm not saying this to be mean, but your all over the place mentally and emotionally.
Are you on a TLC Wedding Story, or something?
Money isn't everything. Yes, it's something, but if he's treating you like dirt and won't let you have friends then all that "stuff" doesn't do you any good if you can't share it with people. It's a lonely life.
Money isn't everything. Yes, it's something, but if he's treating you like dirt and won't let you have friends then all that "stuff" doesn't do you any good if you can't share it with people. It's a lonely life.
dont you have a halloween party to go to or something?? LOL!! i am TOTALLY kidding. thank you for the props!!...i do feel strongly about having affairs while married. i have never had one (although dont get me wrong...i could have and even wanted to) and as far as i know my DH has been faithful. unless he talks a game, he is ademently opposed to it as well. i know people make mistakes but if you are involved many years with someone and children are involved, its a huge mistake.
anyhoo...i think i feel strongly about it because i watched my friend go through it for over a year. he DH had an affair while she was pregnant w/#2. she was even giving birth and DH called the chick on the phone from the hospital. he also called her when he went to pick up her wedding anniversary gift, he brought their boy and her kids to meet up at a playground, they met for lunch. i became so involved talking to my friend for hours every day while she dissected the cell phone bill, cried, and told me of the strange things he did out of his normal routine. there was even a missing condom out of their box. i went and followed him after work. he didnt go home. he and the girl met at a rest stop. i saw them and "reported back!"
not to mention my other friend who is the one doing the cheating. she has been with her guy for 7 years (not married) but has kids and has been with a married man the WHOLE time. its hard to hear how he lies to his wife so he can be with her. she has fallen for him and cannot say what she wants to say. she knows thats not what he wants. he just wants the sex and to have some fun.
if i am hard on you this is why. i hope you do not fall into this situation because again..nobody wins.
anyhoo...i think i feel strongly about it because i watched my friend go through it for over a year. he DH had an affair while she was pregnant w/#2. she was even giving birth and DH called the chick on the phone from the hospital. he also called her when he went to pick up her wedding anniversary gift, he brought their boy and her kids to meet up at a playground, they met for lunch. i became so involved talking to my friend for hours every day while she dissected the cell phone bill, cried, and told me of the strange things he did out of his normal routine. there was even a missing condom out of their box. i went and followed him after work. he didnt go home. he and the girl met at a rest stop. i saw them and "reported back!"
not to mention my other friend who is the one doing the cheating. she has been with her guy for 7 years (not married) but has kids and has been with a married man the WHOLE time. its hard to hear how he lies to his wife so he can be with her. she has fallen for him and cannot say what she wants to say. she knows thats not what he wants. he just wants the sex and to have some fun.
if i am hard on you this is why. i hope you do not fall into this situation because again..nobody wins.
No it's not a wedding story but we are excited about it....but yea I know money isn't everything and I make good money by myself anyways so that's not why I am staying...I honestly don't know why I am I guess I am just comfortable and I know what to expect with him. I am seeing that settling isn't always the thing to do.
First of all, I know you've probably gotten over this hump already, but it's late and I haven't been able to get on the computer all day. Forget about the co-worker. He's made the decision that is best for him and I'm sorry honey, but you are not part of it anymore. Let him go. Second, as far as your fiance goes, there's something really wrong with that picture. I guess I can understand that a lot of people feel like only "crazies" seek counseling, but no friends? Come on. That should be a red flag right there, especially if he doesn't have any friends of his own. Even if you only have one other friend, everyone needs friends, so that is ridiculous. There are men out there who feel like women in relationships should not have single friends because they think their single friends are going to get them into trouble, but he's going to have to get over that. And him not having friends probably means he's not very sociable which could create problems for you in the long-run.
And I know how it feels to want to be "comfortable" in life when you have money, and have the finer things in life, but it's nothing when you're with someone you can't even have a decent relationship. And it's going to cost you both an awful lot of it if you get married because divorce is expensive. I grew up "comfortably." My parents made a pretty good life for me and my brother, and now that I'm on my own, my fiance and I struggle, but I would rather struggle with him than be with a man I can't stand who has money. Basically, yes, you need to do some soul searching before you get married and let the co-worker go. Good luck to you.
And I know how it feels to want to be "comfortable" in life when you have money, and have the finer things in life, but it's nothing when you're with someone you can't even have a decent relationship. And it's going to cost you both an awful lot of it if you get married because divorce is expensive. I grew up "comfortably." My parents made a pretty good life for me and my brother, and now that I'm on my own, my fiance and I struggle, but I would rather struggle with him than be with a man I can't stand who has money. Basically, yes, you need to do some soul searching before you get married and let the co-worker go. Good luck to you.
Okay, I'm going to jump in and add my 2 cents, just for what it's worth. I'm not even going to say anything about the coworker. I think you got that settled, right?
The fiance? Been there, done that. Sounds just like a relationship I was in before I got married. I discovered something about him and myself, though. He wasn't all that, and I stayed with him for so long AFTER I figured that out mainly because it had become such a habit. I don't like change. I like to know where I am going to be tomorrow. I like knowing where I will work, who I will work for and with. You get the idea? Some people (my hubby mainly) keep telling me I am stuck in a rut. I like my rut just fine, thanks. Change upsets me. Always has. Is that what it is? Is this a habit you are having trouble breaking?
The fiance? Been there, done that. Sounds just like a relationship I was in before I got married. I discovered something about him and myself, though. He wasn't all that, and I stayed with him for so long AFTER I figured that out mainly because it had become such a habit. I don't like change. I like to know where I am going to be tomorrow. I like knowing where I will work, who I will work for and with. You get the idea? Some people (my hubby mainly) keep telling me I am stuck in a rut. I like my rut just fine, thanks. Change upsets me. Always has. Is that what it is? Is this a habit you are having trouble breaking?
It isn't normal for him to not support your friendships with other people. That is insane. I don't care who you are, but never can one single person provide everything you need. I have several friends that I am extremely close to, and discuss different things with different people. I have one friend that I discuss all my child rearing issues with, another that I discuss my finaces with...and so on...you get the point.
He sounds controlling, and if I were you, I would get out while you still can...it will only get worse when your married. You can't live the rest of your life like this...NO WAY. You do sound as if you are starting to realize this.
He sounds controlling, and if I were you, I would get out while you still can...it will only get worse when your married. You can't live the rest of your life like this...NO WAY. You do sound as if you are starting to realize this.
Oh my gosh, how sad! Your fiancee doesn't think friends are a good thing?!? Is he for real? Do you have to shun potential friends because of his dislike for it?
I am glad for all the advice. I don't have anyone to talk to about this or anything else. My fiancee doesn't think that friends are a good thing to have and that they only will get you into trouble. But looks like I can do that on my own....but I again do appreciate the advice positive or neg.
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