I'm a 20 year old girl. Me and my boyfriend have been together since January. This is my first real relationship and I have never loved someone this much. My feelings are so deep and serious, and they almost consume me. My boyfriend loves me a lot - of that I am sure after these months. He gave up his relationship of 5 years to be with me, and the past few months, we've been living a fairytale kind of thing. In the meantime I know all his friends and family, and they've all told me they really like me, and us together (more than his previous girlfriend).
BUT.
He is 27 and he has a catering company, so he's a very busy guy. Normally I'm totally fine with that and I adapt to his schedule, as I'm a student and I have more spare time. But, a week from now I have my finals. All I do now is sitting at my desk and trying to study, but I don't manage. My mind won't shut up. I'm so scared to lose him to another girl, I miss him ALL the time in a really painful way, I even barely eat when he's not with me. The voices in my head* won't stop talking. I cannot concentrate at all, until he suddenly calls me, and then I'm ok for an hour or so. At night I even dream of him with other girls. I suppose that is because he gave up his previous girlfriend for me, and I expect this to happen to me too.
* important to know is that my relationship with my parents (mother) is (emotionally) abusive. I've been told that I'm a ***** and he doesn't love me at all, he just uses me, I'm not nearly good enough for him, he needs someone better, etcetera. I'm also often told that I never should have been born and that my parents would have had a happy life without me (while I am - really - a role model daughter and student). All this makes me a very insecure person. A few years ago, when I was 18, my mother even talked me into a depression. Now I have grown stronger and very mature for my age, but when I am at my desk, I don't manage to kill the voices. I need him so much. I have told him all this, but I think he just doesn't get how serious the problem is- I don't study AT ALL.
Besides that, the coming weeks are very busy for him too, so we will hardly see each other.
I really need someone's help. Badly :(