Am I overreacting?

[Bonzai]

I've been with my BF for 10 years.  We lived together for about 8 years but 2 years ago I decided to split up, however we reconciled and are still exclusively.  He is a musician and has cheated on me in the past, once that I know about, and lately he says that he's attracted to men but hasn't "acted" on those feelings except that he calls the gay hotline and has phone sex with men probably about 4 times a week.  I'm not happy about that.

My question is this:  he recently posted a myspace profile and for status he put "single" instead of "in a relationship."  When I questioned him about this and told him that "single" meant he was casting his net out so to speak, he got very defensive and told me that he couldn't even have a myspace account.

Am I overreacting to the single thing?  Or perhaps under reacting to the gay thing?  I just don't know anymore.

Thanks,

Bonzai

[Bonzai]

Hi Green eyes, thanks for your support.  What he meant by "saving himself" is that he didn't have sex with any WOMEN in our separation period, of course, that didn't include any MEN he may or may not have been with as I later discovered.

I gave him the pink slip and I don't mean lingerie, it was relatively easy b/c I set up a keylogger on his computer and I could see in black and white exactly how twisted he is.  

Speaking of twisted, has anybody had occasion to listen to one of those bi/gay phone hot lines men call to get some gay action?  Literally hundreds of teachers, professionals who are married/have GF's/kids anonymous men seeking blow jobs, anal sex, cross dressing, any kind of madness you can imagine and some you never heard of.  And they are requesting discretion so they won't be exposed when they possibly spread some kind of disease to their unsuspecting wives/partners.  It makes me sick and oft times I felt like setting them up to discover their true identity so I could alert their wives.   I would appreciate someone doing that for me.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Bonz

[green eyed lady]

I'm really glad that you're standing up for yourself, you only deserve the best! I did have one question for you though...you said BF was *saving himself for you*? Does that mean you have never had sex with him? After 10 years? If this is truly the case than I agree with Mami---he isn't bi, he's gay.....and he's stringing you along.

Please stay the course and do what's right for YOU...it's about time, you deserve much better than what you're getting. Good luck to you.

[Avas Mom]

I would def think that you are not overreacting. He has put single as a reason. Hes probably trying to meet new people. 10 yrs is a long time and i think you should be able to trust him but hes not making it easy.

[mami1323]

He is not bisexual he is gay.  He is just probably emotionally attached to you.  Glad you ended it.  You shouldn't feel guilty and yes you should care about your feelings.  He's getting everything he needs and you're getting nothing.  How dare he make you feel bad about his cheating whether it be gay or straight.  Stick to your guns.  Don't put up with that.

[misscloey]

Cheating is cheating. Whether on the phone, computer or in person. He obviously does all 3. I would say DUMP HIM. He is totally out of line. Let him go!
Good Luck

[Happy2girls]

Why would he stop at phone calls?  Next thing you know the phone calls won't do it for him and then he'll move on to meeting guys for random hookups.  Then you're worries will go from is he cheating to do I have some kind of life threatening disease.  Get out now.

[Me2mommy2b]

I wish him good luck finding a woman who will "understand".

[Bonzai]

Okay, I told BF we're through and he got upset and said that he's been saving himsef for me and he only has phone sex with guys as a way of dealing with his bisexuality and if I loved him I'd try to help him through this.  I said I couldn't deal with that form of infidelity and he said oh it's all about YOUR feelings.  Is he psycho or what and why am I feeling guilty?  Need some voices of reason please.

Bonz

[Bonzai]

Thank you all for your replies which have been a wake up call.  What in the heck am I doing making allowances for this behavior?  I'm outta here -- thanks for your support!

Bonzai

[Happy2girls]

Be thankful you are not married to this man.  I think he is most likely gay and trolling.  I have a friend whose husband claims he is straight as an arrow but visits gay sites and calls gay hotlines.  He said he does this because he was molested as a child and this is his way of working out his feelings.  They have three children and are now in the process of divorce.  It's been heartbreaking for her and the kids.  I do not think you are overreacting, consider this a blessing and move on.  

[bip]

I would defintly move on. This guy doesnt sound like he wants a relationship with you just wants you for a second hand.  Its hard but in the long run you will be happy...

[green eyed lady]

In my opionion I think you are seriously UNDERreacting to the *gay thing*...No offense but I would be incredibly upset to know that my guy was having phone sex with other men at least 4 times a week.

I really think you need to reasses this relationship and figure out WHY you would put up with a man who treats you this way. Sounds to me like your *his cover up*....I am really sorry if this sounds harsh because I know we cannot help who we love, however, this man has admitted to cheating on you once and says that he is attracted to other men. IMO, it's time to leave. Good luck to you.