Am I wrong for feeling so fed up with my boyfriend's social drug taking?
I cannot figure out if I am being completely unreasonable/ emotional because of being 8 weeks pregnant, or whether I have ground for being so upset with my boyfriend? I would say our relationship is very good on the whole, but we've been through such a tough time lately. I got pregnant more quickly than we thought it would happen last year, but miscarried in November at 8 weeks - we were both absolutely devastated as had had an early scan with heartbeat... before we started trying we had used recreational drugs together, but obviously I stopped, and I kind of expected my partner would support me in doing the same. I am pregnant again and approaching the stage I lost the last one. I have not been out for a couple of months, mainly because I cannot bare the thought of being around drunk people and people taking drugs - one of which being my boyfriend. As a result I am feeling so isolated and angry with my boyfriend, I just want him to be able to take me out and not use drugs - I don't mind him drinking a bit - I am not expecting him to give up everything - but just some support so that we can actually do things together would be nice. I feel that he's selfish, and I am sure that he feels that I am asking something unreasonable of him - made worse because he's not actually paying for these drugs as he always gets given them - so I think this even more makes him feel justified. I am losing respect for him and I don't know what to do.
I know everyone is different, but something like that...a BF who finds it a bigger priority to be out partying and getting high than supporting you and preparing for baby...that would be a deal breaker for me.
I think you need to honestly communicate with him that this lifestyle just isn't reasonable anymore...you don't like it, you don't appreciate him doing it, and you think the two of you need to move forward with an adult, "grown up" life that is going to soon include being parents. Party time is over.
What drugs is he doing, and how often? There may be withdrawals involved, depending on what he's using. I too agree that it's just not acceptable behavior...some people would be more understanding...I would have ZERO tolerance for it. If you think he has an addiction problem, you could maybe bring up that perhaps he should try to seek some professional help as well.
He has to want to leave the drugs behind for all the right reasons...not because you told him too, so be prepeared for him to flat out say no, in which case, you have some hard thinking to do. My worry would be that someone not willing to give up recreational drugs for his GF and baby isn't going to probably be very ready to be a dad.
Oh goodness, no it isn't wrong. Your warning bells are going off as they should be. This isn't someone who is a good choice to father a child with. And now you are stuck with it. I would distance yourself from him to be honest as I think this is going to get worse and you dont want to be there when his casual use becomes full blown addiction and there is a baby in the house. goodluck
PS: very very sorry as you are in a difficult spot. Peace
I had same problem as you.. All thru my pregnancy drinking and taking deugs were more important.. I used to cry beg n pkead for him to stay in.. Esp near my due date.. In the end when i had our son and he was 6months old id had enough and kicked him out.. I think ur so right to be mad.. Will he still be doing it when baby here cos if he will your better off being alone.. Trust me x
You're definitely not in the wrong. If he can't be with you and spend time without using drugs, then there's something wrong there. It's a red flag. Keep in mind drug use, if reported, can get CPS involved. You may be forced to make some decisions then if you can't get him to stop and don't make them now. Tell him you need him to stop for the well being of your child.
I'm so sorry that you miscarried your first child. I did as well, and it's hard to get over being fearful for the next. It's unfortunate that there wasn't a pact in place that your boyfriend would have had the choice to make, or break before you became pregnant again. However, it is certainly not unreasonable for you to have expectations in your relationship now. If it were me, I would consider marriage counseling, so that he can see that your expectations are founded by another respectable source. Since you've chosen to get pregnant without a plan for sobriety in place, I'm afraid you must consider being a single parent, for awhile. Undoubtedly, you will find a man who takes family responsibility seriously, and has the same values, but you will need to be independent in order to do so and rely on yourself primarily to raise your child. I'm sending God my prayers for you to have a healthy pregnancy, and a good life, post pregnancy. If you need to talk, please feel free to message anyone, myself included. I have a grown son who is 24, but I can remember how vulnerable I was in early motherhood! Take Care and Keep the Faith!!
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