I have been married for 17 years, and have four children, one of which is still home (she is 17). First of all, marriage is WORK. And its not always lovey-dovey. Over the years, David and I have learned how to almost have no arguments. Staying sober is a must, as any drug including alcohol will almost always end badly. A social drink or two is alright, getting drunk is not. When we disagree, we have learned that no matter what the argument is about, we never bring up past problems, and we never get into name-calling or being violent. This makes for disagreements that can be discussed in a mature way. Never begin a disagreement with the word 'you', because that is an accusation and its unproductive. Always start your sentences with 'I', such as 'I felt this way when you did that.' Sometimes my husband gets stubborn and will refuse to have a rational discussion. When that happens, I tell him that I will talk to him about it when he calms down, then I go do something else. And other times, we both just have a bad day for no particular reason, or something upsetting happened that involved both of us. Our remedy: no talking needed, find comfort in making love. :) - Blu
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