Anxiety in new relationship

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

I am dating this really great guy.  The first problem is with myself. Before I met him I dated guys and had sex. For many, sex is a casual thing but for me its something sacred. I've only had sex with two and did oral to one. I understand that it's in the past but for some reason I feel dirty about it. I came from a family that PREACH about sex being for marriage and at times is ridiculed by my sister because I change up guys and have sex. They think I have sex with every single guy I've dated and really I don't. I do feel I jump too fast into things because in this year I've dated 3 guys. (This guy I talk with now makes the third). That is why we're taking things slowly. Being that I've had sex with two guys I have anxiety issue that maybe they have infected me with an STD or HIV when all the acts were with a condom that never broke all except for one but I don't think that counts because we were just rubbing our genitals on each other and even with that one I feel like he maybe had scar I didn't see and it was open and maybe some blood got in me.... Not sure why have these feelings. I assume because he's such a nice a guy and seem like the one and that I'll get punished for not waiting on him. He's opened up to me about his past sexual endeavors and he knows about mine.

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

Thanks a lot. Youre so inspiring!!!. Like a breath of fresh air. I know this is a relationship forum but I get high anxiety with STD screening. I didn't have a risk being that I used a condom but I am so afraid something will come up positive.
I got screened when I lost my virginity and I nearly lost my mind getting tested and waiting for results

[specialmom]

What you describe is anxiety that is pretty encompassing.  Really, please address your anxiety.  It could make a world of difference for you in terms of feeling good.  You are having a lot of obsessive thought it seems.  Life, again, is about living and learning.  Many a young person has had sex, found out the person they lost their virginity with wasn't a keeper and THEN, the thing to do is to learn from it.  You can't go back in time and all the mistakes we make in life are what brings us wisdom.  Trust me, I'm very wise.  :>)  ha ha (made a lot of mistakes in life).  You have to let them go and really try to see what is positive about them.  I often say to myself "dang, well.  NOW, I know better."  

STD and health anxiety is pretty common and one thing to do about it is A. get the std screening done and B.  treat the anxiety.  

good luck hon

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

Thanks you all. I also have a hard time with believing condoms or birth control really works. The last guy I went sexual with I kept harassing him about pregnancy even when he kept telling me that there was no chance because a condom was used. I got my cycle on the same time as usual and then my anxiety went to thinking that some how I have a STD. It ruined a good relationship with a good guy. Not only that but the guy I lost my virginity with I ruined things by thinking the same way

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so glad that you have some closure to your last relationship ending. That can be so helpful.

Many people that get together purposefully hold off on a sexual relationship, and both get tested for all STD's before starting a sexual relationship. This last boyfriend, may consider that to be "overly anxious or overthinking" whereas to another man would consider it prudent.

Good luck and be true to yourself. Thanks for your post. IT's an important topic for all who are dating.

[specialmom]

Hi, so, what I'm hearing is that your anxiety is over various things and is such that it is negatively impacting your life and relationships.  This is cause to seek help for it by a significant means===  talking to your doctor, perhaps medication and definitely therapy.  Very important.

The thing about being your age is that you don't ever know for sure what will happen long term--  guys can switch on a dime (and girls too) and just abruptly end things when you never saw it coming.

This could even be the case with the new guy who seems great now. so, it is wise to protect yourself.  If you feel that having sex with men that might not end up being your husband is something you don't want to do and will cause you guilt and anxiety, don't have sex until marriage or at least engagement.  You can still have a physical relationship without that intense level of intimacy.  

Get screened for the std's and then seek some medical help for the anxiety and obsessive thinking.  Good luck hon

[BlissfulJoyAlisa]

Thanks a bunch. I think the problem I have with my past relationships is how things ended. The last guy I had sex with we are now back in communicating terms but not nothing serious and I confided in him about how not properly ending things caused me to have anxiety issues. He told me that I over think and that he doesn't have any STD and that the reason he broke things off is because of my anxiety and over thinking. He told me I am a good person and deserve the best. It made me feel better that I got a legitimate reason as to why things happened like they did and that relationship.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, you didn't have great guilt when you had sex and oral with the three guys, right?  You did it with your family values and sacred idea of sex.  YOU made that choice, right?  Dwelling on regret doesn't help.  Life is about learning.  If you had wanted to remain a virgin for the right guy, you had that choice hon.  

Go have an std test done at a clinic (planned parenthood offers this) and an hiv test done.  That's part of responsible sex.  I'm happy that you used a condom which is great news, even if it broke.  You were still pretty protected from std's and hiv.  But to put your mind to rest, then get screened.

Don't worry about your sister.  Ignoring is the best policy.  

And lastly, if sex is sacred, then don't have sex with this new guy either.  Wait until you are married for your next encounter.  Maybe this will make you feel better.  good luck