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Avatar universal

Anxiety

As a kid I grew up with some abuse.. as well as sexual abuse. When I hit teenage years I was very depressed, but slowly i've noticed it became more anxiety. I have met someone in which I see a lot of good with, but I also have the things that I find to bother me. I am so protective, and cannot deal with certain people. My boyfriend has a lot of friends and I am not one to hangout with a lot of people, I am an infp type. Personally i'd rather be alone with my boyfriend and have our good times, rather than spending it with a bunch of people partying or anything. Most people cause drama rumors and problems, is it so bad that I don't like having so many people involved in such a life? I fear my anxiety will keep me from having the kind of relationship I want, because trust is such an issue. Women are lying and deceiving, and I cannot trust them around any guy I would care for really. Could there be ways to go about rationalizing myself through these problems? I do not believe I need anti-depressants or anything of the sort.. nor do I agree to them.


This discussion is related to She has fear of commitment?.
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Avatar universal
I don't have time to post much, and I know the way I talked may seem that way, but can you blame me? I posted asking for ALTERNATIVE things to help me. I didn't want a bunch of people babbling out the same ******** there doctors spew to them. I did not ask for pills, and thats all most people said. I have come to realizing that the anxiety have is situational. I questioned why I could get sad/depressed/anxiety at other times, and this seems to be it. There are times where I cannot handle some things, and it makes me question and worry. Though I may have seemed off with my boyfriend, he has done nothing but been amazing and each day has just been getting better and better. I also find my anxiety lowering, he does a lot for me and the people who are causing us drama, he is not bothering with. It's not that I didn't want him to have friends, and to judge me like that is wrong since you don't know the full situation. Teenagers are selfish and dis-respectful, I realize this. And I was being treated horribly with some people. It wasn't his fault, and just a thing for us to move on and get stronger with. Thanks for the feedback, but if I can be this happy and have this much joy, I obviously don't have a problem all the time. I just need the right people in my life, I am after all picky, and introvert, infp personality type,libra, and a horse. My mixture is quite complex, and I do not blame you for trying to understand my situation and try to rationalize it to situations you have seen. Keep in mind every person is different, I do not have any illness, I dealt with a lot growing up a lot of pain that has made it hard, that can be worked with. The ones who need pills are people who are actually sick, and there is a difference.
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Avatar universal
Okay then! I must apologize for not using spell check. You are correct I did not spell it correctly. Sounds like I hit a nerve. Now Missy!  you go back and read what you have posted in your responses to me and others who have attempted to help you. Your knee jerk reaction was to lash out at me. I am guessing this is the norm for you? You have two choices here, get help from a professional with the knowledge to help you or go it alone If the latter was working all that well ,you would not be posting here now would you? So my advice stands and you can choose to take it or leave it, whichever is fine with me. I do think you will eventually get to a place where you will want that help, but maybe now is not the time. Good luck to you. I truly hope all goes well.  Over and Out.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, I'd like to reassure everyone that the government makes no money from pharmaceutical medications in the US.  Actually, if you look at medicare and medicaid------ our two government run programs for health care in this country . . . pharmaceuticals are an expenditure . . . they COST the government money.    

Wishing all good luck as they find their way.
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1035252 tn?1427227833
You seem quite hostile to people who are trying genuinely to help you..you asked for advice, so it was given, regardless of whether you agree with it or not....the truth is, you sound anxious, yes, but completely fixed on the way you think and what you believe, so the best thing to do is stick with it and hopefully it'll work for you. You can keep trying what you've been doing, and things may get better (they probably will, things always do) but my question is...if you came for advice and didn't like any of it, why ask in the first place? The only place left to go now is to doctors for therapy and medication, and you definitely don't want to do that (which is absolutely fine) but other than that...not much we can do to advise you.

I don't know how the government/pharmaceutical connection works in Canada, but in the US it's not as cut-and-dry....although there are plenty of conspiracy theorists who would claim it is.

Either you're happy with the way things are and you should continue just like you are, or you're not happy (which is what it sounds like) and you need to consider that some things need to change. I'm not saying you need to start taking meds, but like the song says.. "if you want to change your life, change your mind." the biggest changes start within...and your attitude and perception of things are the first steps. seeing the worst in every thing, every one, and every piece of advice is only going to make you bitter. so just remember...when you're unhappy with your life and/or the things in it, consider that the problem may be inside of yourself and you have to change that before things fall into place, and you seem unwilling to explore ways to start the change...but that's just my personal perception of things as you represented them. good luck either way.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Just wanted to clarify for those reading this that anxiety and depression are chemical imbalances in the brain.  It is not just a feeling but an actual medical condition.  We all get the blues and get nervous, but clinical depression and anxiety fit a criteria set forth by experts in the field.  Medication that corrects this imbalance is invaluable to people that suffer from these conditions.  Actually saves lives in many cases.

Masking the condition would be using something like marijuana or alcohol or something such as that which puts a "band aid" on how one feels at the moment but does nothing for the actual chemistry of the brain where the problem truly lies.  

Just wanted to clarify.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, you seem to like things the way they are and have found the positive in your untreated anxiety and other mental health issues-----------  so that is good. I wish you luck.  

By the way.  The government (at least in the US) makes no money off of medications.  Private pharmaceutical companies do.  Unfortuantely, your impression of the medical profession borders on paranoia.  But no one thinks you have to do anything about that------ you are free to do as you choose.  

Anyway, you seem to be quite happy with how your life is going and everyone here wishes you well.  
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Avatar universal
Hm, no offence but i'd rather not take advice from someone taking Prozac, especially when they don't even spell the word properly.. that tells me you don't know much about the drug, nor looked into reading about it. I'm very edgy on what I take, as well I have heard a lot of BAD things about Prozac, from people I know who've taken it, to even doctors.. so yeah. :/
You may THINK its helping you, and it may also do so in some cases, but it can cause problems. Another reason i'm so edgy is because my mother is allergic to a lot of things, and so far I have no idea what I am other than cat spit pretty much, as well as extra codeine in things, so I guess the whole drug area is iffy, and doctors always want to hand out pills.

It's funny how un-appealing that all sounds. When you think about it, your saying I may exaggerate things, in a lot of ways I do. I also find though being this way I can be extremely creative with my writing/photography. I find myself to think up a lot of things, and my knowledge grows because of it. Taking pills almost sounds like it would make me a robotic human, prone to be the way the government and society wants me to be. It isn't healthy to be sad, but it isn't healthy to be controlled either. I think truly people can help them selves out, they just need some help. Pills certainly do not appeal to me in anyway as I have seen what they have done to people, and those people become dull, and lifeless. Some become sick.

I may sound a little weird for my thoughts and ideas, but think about it. The government makes **** tons of money of prescription drugs.. it's one of the leading main income. If they were to tell people to use natural stuff, they wouldn't make money. So why would they tell you that these drugs are really bad for you, and affect you later? Why tell you an alternative thats cheaper and healthier? They want you to come back for more and more things. The government feeds so many ppl so much bs, and I know for a FACT doctors are like this because one day when I was working I was on some-what of a rant, and the guy who had came in started talking to me about such things. He didn't want to tell me much in fear of it breaking me..cause he could tell I care about the world. He said his son lost his job becoming a doctor because he told his father a few things what they were doing. One for example, was pushing homeless ppl to killing themselves. Now, think rationally here. There may be some gross people on the streets doing bad things, but not all. Why should a sick family in need, go die just because the government doesn't care to help? If they don't care to help them, they certainly don't care to help you, and the only reason they do is for your money. So giving you drugs that "help" you, and keep you coming back for more, is just slowly killing you, but doing so in such a way that they can keep your money coming in. Homeless people are poor, so they are useless to them. This is so far off topic, but when you really think you'll understand how I feel.

I will try to find something that may help but when doing so i'll get friends and such to tell me differences cause doctors are never around to fully know what you need which is also another reason I hate to take advice cause there advice is only knowledge from what they know of the medicine, not how my body works with it, which is why it's all trial and error at first.

Personally, I get bad anxiety, and when I did take the pills for it or other **** to help, none of it did and I felt numb and weird. When I sit down, talk with a friend put on good music, and smoke a few bowls, and talk things out. This more so started to happen when I met my best friend, I found all the times I spent with him really helped me out of depression, and now it's just the anxiety I got to work through a little. That helped more than a doctor though.

As for the boy, i'm not so sure on that one. It's only been a month, hes into what I like and we agree on a lot. Theres no doubt we do like each other, i'm just not sure on life right now I guess.
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Avatar universal
My best advice is to go to a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist. They are more equipped to know what med will work for your particular situation. I was on prosac for years, and it helped me. Then like you it turned into more of anxiety than anything else. So they gave me something strictly aimed at anxiety, and it worked wonders. I have not taken anything for either in years and life is dandy. But your way of looking at life right now is not real, everything is exaggerated. Once you are on the right meds and treatment, you will see a significant other you. Once you get healthy, you may even find your bf does not appeal to you any longer. ???
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Avatar universal
I don't know what kind of medicine to even take though. There are SO many and they all have side affects. Doctors just prescribe whatever, so I actually have to read up for myself then read all the horrible things. Find me one thats not so bad, and i'll consider it.

That is true. And i'm sorry if I said women, I certainly didn't mean women are bad. GIRLS are bad. Women are alright, for the most part. Most girls are driven by society and just gone the wrong way with no respect to each other. That is why I cannot come to liking many of them. I know it's not that bad of me, cause I have met a few who I actually really adore, and it's because they are who they are and I see it. Any choices made that are changing in his life are made by him. I will tell him what upsets and bothers me, but I leave it up to him to make the choice. I cannot handle certain things, he knows that. I get blamed for it all anyway, even if he makes the choice, which is stupid.
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Avatar universal
You are who you are and let no one change you. If you are aware that your past is effecting you, the only person that can really change you is yourself. If you feel counceling would help, great, if not, make sure to surround yourself with supportive friends and family during the difficult times and this new guy is an opportunity for you to begin new. Also, not all women are bad. You have all women in a catagory that is unfair to the rest of us. There are good women, trusting women and good friends if you open your heart and mind to them. If you sense one is no good, avoid her like a plague and if you don't want to hang around groups or with your new bf friends that perfectly ok, BUT do not take away the only time that he likes to spend with friends. If he is a good, honest and respectful person, he will be faithful to you no matter what, so yes, you have lot's of options and they are positive one ok. Open your heart and mind, surround yourself with good family and friends and you will see how life has a way of falling into place. Good Luck, Judy
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, in truth ----------- few things work for clinical anxiety but pills and talk therapy.  It was my biz for a long time.  You can try exercise as I said, certainly meditation, massage therapy is good, some like to journal their thoughts, volunteering also feeds your system in a way to have a positive effect----------  but all of that is like putting a band aid on the wound when you really need stitches.  You can live that way but be prepared for the ups and downs of untreated anxiety.  I wish you well and hope that what you are doing with your friends to make yourself feel better is safe and healthy.  good luck
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Avatar universal
I did see someone after I had some suicidal issues and such.. and it did help a little, but honestly everything they say to me I pretty much already know. I plan to take psychology, after all. It's not really stuff I haven't heard. I guess ways to go about things and such would help, so in that way it would. Just learning more would help me, I know that. Plus I can't afford to do such things. :/

Hmm, not really that. In fact I met him BECAUSE of one of the friends. :) Theres just a few people I don't like.. and there ARE reasons for it, I just rather not post that on the internet. I know though given any small reason will make me question, which puts me into more anxiety. That is what the problem can be. I guess so, most guys look the other way but I actually like that because then I don't have to worry about ones who just go after any girl. Even me being this way, I have guys that tell me they care for me and like me, I don't understand how in some cases. I think some say they can agree with me on that kind of thing. It's not so much that I hate other people, i'd just rather be with the person I love doing things together in life, and once and awhile going out with friends. Too many teenagers hangout in groups all the time, and it causes a lot of drama.
I have been that way in the past though, for sure. I am slowing coming out of that, doing a lot better. I find psychology helps me to come to an understanding of things too. I also have different days, not like a bipolar person or anything but sometimes I can be more relaxed and not as much anxiety. I did something recently with some friends, and ever since my anxiety hasn't really been bothering me.. or not that I have noticed yet anyway. I won't say anything to what it is, but I think it's just what I needed.

As much as I seemed closed up, I am also very open. I am much different than most people, being an infp type as well as a libra/horse, it all mixes. I find those things to be interesting and they do help me to understand myself in a way cause I can relate to what they say, whether they are true or not.

I guess it was a bad idea to ask people on the internet, cause most people only do know of either talking to a professional, or taking pills. I'm one of the only people to spread other crap, and then I ask people hoping for my own type of answer lmao. I heard meditation can help anxiety too, I am going to try that some time if I can. Thanks for the feedback though.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I just think it would really help you to work through these things with a mental health professional such as a psychotherapist or counselor.  They are trained to give someone tools to live in such a way to be more happy and fulfilled.

I think your not liking his friends is probably an internal issue with you more than his friends.  You have protective armor up.  I say this because you react by not liking others, saying you are opinionated, being rigid.  These are all coping mechanisms that one uses when the have subconscious pain.  Its the armor.  I also think that your boyfriend will eventually become annoyed by this to be honest.  As will all future boyfriends.  It is hard to live someone that sees the world that way.  It is hard to feel that way---------- but you aren't aware of this because you are using these things to protect yourself.  

Talking about these things with a professional can open up a new world to you in which you do not need to close up to be safe.  You can fully experience life.  

This is just my opinion and only intended to help.  I wish you luck!
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Avatar universal
I wouldn't exactly know how to go about it, or who to. I have strong opinions and views which is why I can be the way I am, as you say introverts can be that way. I think why I thought bad things was because he wanted to introduce me to his friends knowing my best friend was moving soon, and that I would be sad. In ways, I know he just cares. Having anxiety I jump and assume the worst thing. I guess though some of the people I don't like, and i've told him so. I've told him why as well, and he has came to see some things. He isn't one for common sense as much, but he still tries and listens, and he's got a lot better since I first met him for sure. I wasn't so sure what I wanted, or what to do, I had been really messed with recently. Back around christmas I had a guy really mess with my head, I swear he was a psychopath.. he fit the definition quite well.. as well, another guy who had schizophrenia kind of messed with me and took something special from me.. i'm over him, but I guess in some ways I still have to work through the pain.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
There is nothing wrong with being an introvert and actually the text book definition of introvert and extrovert are much different than people usually think.  An introvert is one who gets their sense of comfort and stregth from inside of themselves while an extrovert needs other people to give that to them.  So in reality, an introvert is the stronger personality.  I used the terms in the way that most people do though-------- in terms of one's social interaction.

I'm an introvert--------- nothing wrong with it at all.  That is not what I think people are saying.  I think that there is a compatibility issue with your boyfriend that will haunt your relationship and unfortunately, I think it will probably haunt all of your relationships.  You aren't saying-------- hey I like to stay home and hang out with just you. You say-------- I don't like people and want you to give up others for me.  That will never fly.  It just won't.

While you say he likes your clinginess------ that will get old.  It really will.  A healthy relationship is one of interdependence not dependence.  

But forget him for a minute, what about you?  Why are you unwilling to address the hurt and pain you feel to want to isolate yourself from others?  Why does it make you feel safe to isolate him from others and curtail his ability to enjoy the company of his friends?  I understand that you've had a lot of pain in your lifetime and it certainly shows from your desire to separate yourself from society.  Being an introvert is just fine------- normal definition or text book---------- but you are avoiding.  That is different.  And that will lead to a lifetime of further unhappiness.  I know you say drugs are not an option-------- what about talk therapy?
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Avatar universal
Well, here is the thing. I have not read any other responses to your post as yet, so sorry if I duplicate.
You come with baggage and you already know this. It sounds like your bf has a lifestyle different than yours, at least in the sense of being a more outgoing person with a lot of friends, and he is not going to want to give them up.. These you already know will clash at some point. What strikes me tho is why they will clash. You are insecure and  probably jealous as a result of your upbringing. This tells me that unless you get help for you, you will have problems in any relationship, not necessarily  just this one. They have help for these conditions but if you are not willing for whatever reason to get that help, then you are going to go thru a lot of trial and error in trying to make this work for you. Men like clingy women at first in a relationship but with time, not so much. Relationships evolve and many times the very things that attracted us to one another are the very things that irritate us later on in the relationship. My advice is to research the types of help available to you and if nothing else, consider some counseling. You are ahead of the game already in that you know and freely admit that you have issues. You need to make you happy first and then share you with someone that you make happy. Feeling like you are less somehow than your partner, puts yu at a disadvantage for a successful relationship. There is help out there, all you got to do is accept it.
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Avatar universal
Actually he is a introvert like me, he just has a lot of good friends, and I well didn't have as much luck with good friends so it's hard for me to trust.. but he does agree on not partying a lot, he isn't the type. I just more so worry that I myself cannot handle ANY relationship. :/ I'm just not too sure. Things are going a lot better thats for sure, and it's only been a month.

Ahh I see. Well he actually likes clingyness from me haha, cause it shows I like him. It's kind of weird. I have a odd way of knowing things or mis-understanding things. I like being an introvert, theres nothing wrong with it and you tend to enjoy the more fine things in life, theres a lot into it I could go. Thanks for the feed back, but more so looking for if it's me that has issues with relationships rather than if we are compatible, cause in ways we do have differences, but they are pretty minor ones. I find I argue with people at things a lot cause it takes awhile for people to get to know me.
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879179 tn?1287503465
I see many problems in your relationship down the road.   I have been in a relationship that was not compatible like yours, except I was the extrovert and he was the introvert.  At first, yes, I loved it being just me and him and spending time with him because he was new and everything we did together was new and exciting.  Trust me, that got old fast.  I offered to let him go out with me but he didn't want to, instead he would just stay home and mope and call my cell about 30 times.  He started accusing me of cheating, not just with guys but with girls as well, and if you knew me you'd know how funny that really is.  If you do try to stay with this guy, try not to appear too clingy - it will just be a HUGE turnoff and he won't want to take much of it.  I know you said you were against medication, but I actually was an introvert myself in junior high until I started taking anti drepressents and anti anxiety medication, and it is like it opened up new doors for me, literally and figuartively speaking.  It allowed me to cope with things and be the person I am really supposed to be.  Good luck.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm.  Well, I won't try to talk you into taking medication as you say you are against it although I wonder why.  Anxiety and depression are issues with brain chemistry and if it is not corrected through medication plus therapy, it is left to get worse.  It is making your life more difficult and these problems harder to deal with.  Medication these days is much easier to take than in the past with a side effect profile that most can manage.  But that is your choice.  Do you at least do therapy?  Hopefully you also get some exercise as this is one way for the body to release it's natural happy chemical.  

So, whether anxiety is an issue with this relationship or not---------  to be honest, it sounds like you and your bf are not compatible.  There are big problems to be had down the road if he is much more social than you are.  He will never be satisfied with isolating himself with you and you will never grow to love his enjoyment of people.  Right now he is much more willing to hang out with just you than he will be down the road---------  as the relationship is new.  This will get old fast and he will crave going out with friends more.  There is no right or wrong for how a person is.  He needs to be with someone that is highly interested in friends/ social gatherings and you need to be with someone that enjoys being home and with their significant other most of the time.  

Extroverts and introverts are only a good match if they are will to compromise and be happy making changes within themselves.  The extrovert that learns being home can be fun and the introvert that realizes that being out and about and mixing and mingling can be fun.  Then the couple will do some of both.  If either party is unhappy doing so-------- it is not a good match.  

Dating is for finding out what you like in a person to see if the relationship should go further.  In choosing a mate, we must make the best possible choice based on the situation as it is------- not as we wish it to be.  Best of luck to you!!!
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