Are all men like this??? Men, please respond too!!! And be truthful!

[wunabnorm]

Ok... so my husband and I have been married for little over a year. He is a great stepdaddy to my 2 boys, but... he seems to have a problem. Ok...just for example... today, he called me from work, and I guess he was on break, and his coworker which is also his best friend, were getting breakfast at a resteraunt. We talked for a couple minutes, and then we said goodbye, and he hung up, (so he thought) Well... while I could overhear his complete conversation with his coworker, talking about how hot one of the girls that worked there was, then my husband was like "yeah... I wanna smash the little one". And, then the coworker was like and I wanna knock the other one up. Considering he already has 3 kids by one woman, and has another one pregnant right now, this disgusted me! I mean... all his friends are really nice guys in all, and would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it, but... they all seem to cheat on their wives, and or girlfriends, and wonder what it's like to be in every girl they sees pants. They are all in there mid to late 20's, but I feel like this is a problem, and I want to know do ALL men think this way, and some just don't say it aloud, or if they truly need help, because they have beautiful, loving wives at home, but they fantasize about these other girls! I just don't get it. I mean... it is one to THINK about something, but to say it is another. When I confronted my husband about it, he just said "aww... baby... I'm so sorry! I was just talking ****, I wasn't doing anything, and blah.blah... but, I feel like they must talk like this all the time, and if that's how they talk, then that must be how they think right? Basically, they all grew up in the same neighborhood where everyone messed around with everyone, and mostly everyones parents still live in that same neighborhood, and so they continue to be friends. Well, It must be in the water or something because they never change! They still all act like kids. I mean they have good jobs, and families and all, but... they just can't seem to change their boyish ways! I feel like he will NEVER change! So please tell me... Am I overreacting?

[wiserlady]

No not all guys are like this. I went to my usual well known psychic clairvoyant and tarot reader about a man like this once. Rosemary Price psychic, she is very famous and popular. The guy I was then thinking about dating was about fifty and he was the same as this guy of yours. I am sure he is the same now many years later. It is what it is. Nothing to do with his age.

I am a 63 year old woman who has had lots of relationships with all different men and would never date such a man, let alone marry him. He is immature and talking about women as if they were objects with no feelings.  It has nothing to do with how gorgeous or sexy the wife is, it is about them wanting to have every woman who is good looking on the planet, about fun, nothing to do with emotions or caring for people.  You know very well that if he tried it on with these women they would spit in his eye -  because he is very immature and because he is married, so he has no chance, and that is why he does not try it on with them,  because he knows they would laugh at him and reject him.   You chose him, now you have to put up with how he is or end the relationship.  Can think of worse things to put up with.  But I know that if you confront him he will say oh but I didnt do anything.  I am innocent. I never chatted her up and never did it.  Yeah, well he only didnt chat her up and do it because he knew she would tell him to get lost and pass it around that he is married and tried it on, not because he is a nice person.

[Campfiredeluxe]

Late reply by years lol but it is shocking to see all these women who seem oblivious to reality. As a man, I have never once been around another man who doesn't talk that way when around other men. Some would not go so far as to make the smash comment but ALL talk that way. It's obvious the "nice guys" have many women fooled. Nice guys have some of the filthiest mouths in the group many times. Denying reality changes nothing. What can you do ? Get a divorce ? Good luck in finding a man who doesn't exist. You WILL find many who will be glad to tell you what you WANT to hear.btw Soy boys have filthy little mouths also and are the worst hypocrites and liars.

[GuitarRox]

I don't think it is all dudes but a lot.  Why do you think men talk so crudely to one another?  

[Sithtiger]

Ok, so, this is a little difficult for me to answer because while I used to say stuff like that to some people I trusted...saying and doing are two different things.  Having said that, I have Bipolar II and something that most people with  Bipolar 1 or 2 do is have trouble with relashionships, have trouble with drugs, go on a spending spree even if you don't have the money.  So, I'm a little rare as I haven't cheated on my wife or anyone else before, but I've thought about it.  I'm 46 now, I was addicted to Vicodin.  I've spent money I didn't have, but not really in the way a stereotypical "bipolar' person might.

Going back to your first question, are all men like that.  I'm definitely going to say no on that.  So, I'm going to compare him with me and assume he hasn't cheated.  While this is distressing, I'd talk about it.  I know this is an old post, and you've probably resolved this and are either still with him or left long ago, but if are you still together, I'd confront him.

So, while all men aren't like that, I'd say most men are and even say most cheat, even if I haven't.  Maybe I haven't cheated for the same reason I have fear issues with people.  I have a hard time with people being angry at me.  That's weird and not to be confused with being afraid to say fight another guy.  I'm a Taekwon do 2nd degree black belt and good and love to fight, or at least used to.  I have issues that don't make sense so that's why I say I'm a bit of an oddity at least in cheating.  I've talked about it, but never done it.  By the way, I'm ashamed of doing it, but I think if I did, I'd feel horrible before I'd even finish having sex with another woman, if I did that.

I look at porn too and I'm NOT proud of it!   My wife brought that up the other day after I boasted about not cheating on her or anyone else.

So, I'd talk to him about it, ask him if he's cheated.  I only say that because if my wife cheated on me, I'd be devasted and probably kill myself.  BTW, my reaction to events that many people go through are not normal and I'm not suggesting you should feel that way.  I'm sick with my Bipolar and a couple other mental illnesses, yet I know how a person should react.

[specialmom]

Welcome to the forum and thank you for the insight!  Hope you come back and join us for discussions!!

[CrazyGastro]

There's a difference between joking, talking... and intent.
Taking a ring off to talk to an interesting woman... or simply just  approaching someone you're attracted to in order to pursue the attractive feeling is no longer just enjoying a fantasy- it has now been acted upon. That shows intent and might eventually develop into something more.
Some people are ok with that, but you obviously would not be... so within the confines of your relationship that would be a breaking of the boundaries of trust you guys have established with one another. And that's a problem.

[CrazyGastro]

I'm a 29 year old male. The short answer to your question is... yes, all straight and sexually interested men think of an attractive female in a sexual way.

Some may not express it bluntly and overtly, others may be garrulous about it. But if you have a man with a decent dose of testosterone in him -and just about any man worth keeping does- that will be the case.

We could go into the possible evolutionary basis for that... such as the advantages of having able men reproducing with more than one mate, to increase the probability of his strong genes being carried out through the survival of his offspring in both numbers and variety, to name one. Men don't invest much when they mate... women do, since they carry the burden of pregnancy. It is no wonder, then, that it evolved to be that way. However, in our contemporaneous society we frown upon polygamous relationships, and that is generally accepted... overtly at least.

However, I think the serious issue I see here is that there's a difference between breaking the boundaries of trust in a relationship by actually sleeping with someone else, and having conversations with friends or even fantasies.
It is natural for men to talk about sex and sexual activities with friends, and it won't cease to be so for centuries at least. It is also natural for people in general to have fantasies... and sometimes fantasies involve other people.
It's up to you both to decide what the boundaries of your relationship are... but it seems to me that preventing your man from venting and laughing it off with friends might not be fully reasonable, and could potentially evolve into something less desirable in the future... such as him developing a strong fantasy or even acting out on it. Just a thought.

I'm with my woman, I can't picture being with someone else... and one of the reasons for such, aside from her inner and outer beauty, and extreme intellect, is her maturity in discerning what is reasonable from the unreasonable- and having flexible boundaries. If she were constricting, I probably wouldn't feel as much desire to be around her.
I tell her when I find women attractive, she tells me when she finds men attractive, we talk and laugh about it.
She knows I joke with my male friends, and I often tell her about it - she laughs with me. So we bond.
Think about what kind of relationship you want, and how much intimacy you really wish for. I want a close one.

[vmvnpv]

I, too, think most men think this way but only the immature ones act on it.  My husband has admitted to seeing a pretty girl and wondering, if he wasn't married, if he would have a chance with her.  This in no way diminishes his love for me.  The difference is he doesn't go around telling his friends that he would want to hook up with her.  He doesn't take his wedding band off and approach her.  Least of all, he doesn't make lewd comments about her.  If my husband did any of these things I would have a HUGE problem with that.  To me it's the first steps towards getting yourself into trouble.  With that said, I don't think you're overreacting.  What your husband did was uncalled for, disrespectful and rude.  And he needs to know that you will not put up with that type of behavior.

I do have to admit, however, that I have done it too.  I'll see a good looking guy and think "Is that someone who would have gone for me if I were available?"  I don't act on it because I love my husband too much to do that.  

[mature_enough]

I hope things have gotten better sweet heart. My husband and I have been doing so much better since I've shared my feelings on these type of situations with him. We have a mutual agreement... He knows that if he acted this way behind my back, it would hurt me. I asked him if it would be hurtful for me to talk about another man this way, and he agreed that it would be very painful to hear. Even if he didn't hear it, to know that my heart was in the wrong place would be repulsive.

Best of luck to you Wanabnorm. I hope you can be open with your husband and he's a good enough man to treat you with sensitivity and respond to it the right way.

[madmac]

Thank you heatherlynn22 but thats my point, not all but most men are like that and the same goes for the women it depends on where they are and what there doing and if drinking is involved. Thats when 95% of people say and do what there thinking then they can pretend to regret it afterwards. If a person is an ***----- drinking their the same sober but obviously don't show it.

[AnxiousGurl]

thank you heatherlynn :) I agree, not all men are pigs, and its human nature to talk once in awhile, so what if some one is "good-looking" so what if its mentioned, but if their is an action to follow (such as cheating Or, posting on craigslist) Or acknowledged purposely to the point of aggravating your spouse, its not right, and that makes him a pig. Not all men are like this, but if theyre buddies talk like that, they may or may not agree or respond, depends on the man. If you heard your husband say he wants to smash the little one or whatever im sorry, I think thats sounding like a pig, and usually if walks like a duck and talks like a duck, maybe it is one, I would just be aware of everything, without accusing anything. Good luck, and hope you never have to overhear him say such a thing again

[heatherlynn22]

madmac....i'm a woman who goes out occasionally for a drink with the girls. we never sit there and discuss other men we see and how we would like "smash" them or "bang" them. the closest we ever come to discussing another man is actors in movies. then the most we say is yeah he looked good in this n that movie or whatever. the only men we discuss are our husbands or male children. that's it.

my husband doesn't look at other women. he doesn't even acknowledge when another woman checks him out. I'm the one who notices. then he's just like oh really? hmmm...ok. and that's that. usually he doesn't even stop what he's doing. so not all men are pigs.
and as for that fact when a man checks me out i don't notice. the husband does. and like him i just go really? hmmm....ok. and don't stop what i'm doing.

[madmac]

I mean no disrespect to women out there but are you ladies kidding me? Have you actually sat and listened to a group of women when they get together over a drink? They are just as bad if not worse than men. I know this lady who went to a private stagette for one of her friends friend, she said she was never so embarrased for the way they acted. She said the male strippers had a game called I believe lick the cream, it's when the stripper puts whipped cream on his genitals and the women had to... well you get the idea. She said she knew a lot of those women that participated and most were either married or had a partner. I am a 50 yr old man and I have met or know a lot of people
in my life and don't know one that hasn't cheated at one time or another. They cheated for the most part with married people like there's no single ones to cheat or be with that includes women. I have 7 brothers and sisters and they have all cheated on their partners. As a matter of fact I was married for 22 yrs and in that time my wife had cheated on me at least 4 times. She had sex with at least 3 , thought she was pregnant by 1, and we separated for a year and she lived with 1. I can honestly tell you that I wasn't perfect but in all our time together I've NEVER lied to her nor have I cheated. I left her 10 years ago and our divorce was finalized 6 months ago and have yet to be with a woman physically or emotionally in all that time as I'm scared to death to have to deal with the pain again. I told her recently that I don't blame her as she did what apparently everyone does which sounds stupid but it's true. So it isn't Just the men after all they have to cheat with someone

[Haddock_Entrap_Propulasion]

All guys look at other girls.  All of them think about other girls.  And because they have all gotten over that as an inevitability a long time ago, they talk about it with each other.  If you, any of you, can't accept that, find a new gender to date.  Now, maybe my perspective is a little skewed because I am a mostly gay man, but I look at other people of both genders and my boyfriend looks at girls.  And we are both sufficiently willing to admit t to it that sometimes we compare notes.  The relationship is better for it, as their is more trust.  

[Confused-one]

I've been reading all this & I decided I might as well chime in too. I have work around men enough to say that although not all men are like this unfortunatly I have to agree that it is the majority of men. I also have to agree that any inteligent man when shown this post by his wife esp knowing her position would obviously agree with the fact that it was disrespectful. Unfortunatly as was pointed out the OP overheard something she was never intended to hear & as cdad said at least he did apoligize. I have seen many men who say things & act ways that they never would if their wives were around & it's sad but it's life, where do you think the saying came from "the truth hurts" to those who truly have the men who wouldn't do this, treasure him.

[PlateletGal]

Well this isn't about me... but one thing I can say about my husband is he is an honest and good man. He respects women and his actions show it. We both are very open and he agrees --- commenting about how attractive a person is, is something that is totally different from making rude & crude remarks. I don't think some people here understand the difference.

Your accusations about me says something about you. You already accused the poster of spying on her husband... LOL ! Blame all the women -- so that you won't have to blame your own husband. Is this what this is about ?  I'm just debating the issue, because I find the topic, like many other topics, and responses interesting.

[have 2 kids]

I'm happy I have a trusting marriage and am not paranoid about something my husband may say when he is with his friends.  It would be very hard living that way.   Thank goodness I used to hang out with guys and have some understanding about men.  

PlateletGal- of course your husband said he agrees with you 100%.   What is he supposed to say when you're being all insane about this.    

[PlateletGal]

"Its in guys nature to conquer, to make it with as many women as possible."

Oh please ! Excuses.... excuses.... excuses...

[cdaddy]

You've gotta get over it. Excuse me for being nasty for a minute but to a guy the only thing better than ***** is...new *****. Its in guys nature to conquer, to make it with as many women as possible. Now it sucks that you overheard what he said but I would be more concerned if he didn't APOLIGIZE. Concentrate on that. How many guys do you know apoligize? How many people for that matter? He cares about you thats why he apoligized. Most guys either want everyone they see or dont admit it. It sounds like you might have an issue. Look at that. If he did that when you were standing next to him now THAT would be ****** up! He is not perfect and neither are you.

[PlateletGal]

= )

[wunabnorm]

Sure!

[have 2 kids]

I wouldn't have continued to listen.  End of story.  

[wunabnorm]

So, if you were talking to your husband, and you realized he hadn't hung up, and you are trying to get his attention, and you hear him saying he wants to smash some girl, you'd be ok with it? Please!

[have 2 kids]

You seem to forget the fact she listened to a private conversation.  She violated his privacy.    

[PlateletGal]

I've hung out guys when I was younger --- but we were all single. I used to tease them often about how they were pervs as well. I'm friend's with two of the guys I hung out with back then (we are talking high school though). One of the guy's wives is so jealous that when he calls me, she flips out. Its ridiculous because we never had an intimate relationship. My other friend is married now with a child and I've seen him a few times.... he's no longer a baby. He grew up as well and respects his wife.  = )

[PlateletGal]

That is your opinion. In my opinion, husbands' or wives' for that matter, who disrespect one another, is wrong.

I asked my husband last night what his thoughts were on this. He agreed with me 100% --- that "smashing" comment was disrespectful and unacceptable. There is nothing wrong with looking or commenting on a beautiful woman or handsome man --- but when you are married and make comments about screwing other people, that crosses the line. Dr. Phil said that flirting was wrong when you were married... that's a little beyond flirting and it shows you how many men think and view women. IMHO.