Arguing

[alwaysneedingadvice5]

Me and my boyfriend have been arguing and getting in fights alot lately. We have been together for almost 3 years, and i love him with all my heart and im not going to throw my relationship away over a couple of fights but i want the fighting/arguing to stop.
any ideas on how to make things better?

[Judy246]

You need to learn how address and discuss issues in the relationship effectively, without letting them escalate to the point where it's going to effect your relationship. In other words, by using the right words you can deflate the argument into a discuss on how to resolve dissagrements and issues that can lead to arguments. Notice I said "arguments", which sounds better than "fights". Also, you need to have the right approach to open communication, so instead of asking him a question that will make him defensive, exp: "Where the hell where you for 2 hours?", you can get the results you want and deflate potential argument by saying something like, "I expected you 2 hours ago and was concern that something happened are you alright? and you will get a civil answer, so, learn to use the right words that will not lead to a defensive response and if he talk to aggressively tell him you don't appreciate him approaching you in an agressive manner. Try it, my fiance has learn my tactic :) and gives me that look and smiles knowing I want answers, now and waiting for an answer...with a smile. Good luck, Judy

[specialmom]

Well-----------  you could examine if there is an underlying reason that you are fighting and communicate in a productive way about it.  You can use effective methods of communicating so that it does not turn into a fight.   And I would say that it always takes two to argue.  If you don't care to do it, try a different approach.  Fighting and arguing can become a habit.  Break the habit and don't fight back.  Especially if it is over trivial things.  good luck.  Relationships are hard work and I admire all couples that make it work and are happy far more than unhappy!