At what age is too old for a daughter to kiss her dad on the lips?
I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. His daughter is almost 17 years old. She cuddles with him on the couch, kissing on his shoulder, kissing on his arms, rubbing on his stomach. She was lying on the couch with him, she had her head on his lap and he was rubbing her back. She laid there for hours that day. She kisses him on the lips before she goes to bed at night. She runs around the house in her bra and underwear all time. She is even now starting to run upstairs naked while her dad sits on the couch and can clearly see her running upstairs. She says "Daddy" dont look im naked. And yes she still calls him "Daddy", and talks like a baby around him. It drives me crazy when she does this. I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her. I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now. I raised one daughter of my own and I have never ever saw anything like this. My bf says it is normal for a daughter to kiss and rub all over her "daddy", I told him no its not normal for a daughter at her age to do this. She even came into his bedroom not too long ago and crawled in bed with us. Laying her head on her daddy's shoulder, then she started kissing it. I got up and left the bedroom. I refuse to sit there while this is going on. I cant take it. It freaks me out.
My niece kisses her dad on the lips in a 'peck' kind of way and she is 22. She kisses my sister this same way. Just to answer your above question. And she will call her dad daddy. My kids are still young and I hate the thought of them not calling me mommy. They should feel free to call me that until they are 100 and I hope they do. LOL
I answered your previous post on this same subject but with less details.
Listen, I don't know if this is normal or not but you sound quite jealous.
the problem is not the girl really but instead, how your man handles it. HE is the one to talk to and try to resolve this. If you feel like he is too affectionate with his daughter ---- you have to ask him to stop. If you feel he is sexual with her, then you have to leave him. If he refuses to take your feelings into account, then I think this situation is hopeless. goodluck
Dear, he's the parent. If he does not want her to do it, he must handle it. IF HE is carressing her and he is being sexual, then you need to call child protective services.
Have you tried talking to your boyfriend??? Have you told him how you don't like this and are uncomfortable?? Does he ignore you or agree with you and is he willing to change the dynamics between him and his daughter.
But I don't blame the child here only-------- you seem to want to make her a villain. She's doing what she has always done and unless her dad doesn't want her to and stops her, then why would this be HER fault? Just curious.
Okay, sorry for all the posts. LOL I am sure this is upsetting to you. I'm gathering that perhaps the daughter is overly affectionate with her dad who does not stop this and you feel helpless. I again will say that talking to her father is the place to start. If that gets you nowhere, there isn't much you can do. If he really is sexual with her, call CPS. If you just think he is overly affectionate and he refuses to make a change (he directs her, right? He is the parent.) then this might not be the right relationship for you. goodluck
I know there is no sexual thing going on. Im not tryin to make her out to be the bad person all i was doing was seeing if it is normal or not. That is all. I have tried to talk to my bf about it and he has told me it normal for a daughter to do this to her father. I have just never seen it thats all.
I called my Father "Daddy" till the day He died at age 72 and I ALWAYS kissed Him on the lips. My Daddy and I were always affectionate with one another and my 2 Brothers as well always hugged and kissed our Dad (they didn't call him "Daddy" as I did - their word for him was "Papa") I never ran around the house nude or in my bra and panties but I was taught to be modest and private by Both my Parents. So - some of this sounds okay to me, some of it doesn't
I would question why are You willing to stay in this relationship if it "creeps You out" ??
I would suggest that if this is the way it has always been between Them You cannot and should not, try to change it. They will both resent Your interference and apparently You will resent Their affection. My opinion here changes if You think there is incest (sexual child abuse) - in that case, You should report it but should still be done with this relationship.
BTW: I still call my dad "daddy" or "papa" and I am well past 17. Nothing disturbing about that in my opinion. To be honest, the baby talk would drive me a bit "nuts." I will never be "too old" not to give my father a kiss on the lips. Don't see a problem with a quick peck on the lips.
Hmmm....normal........normal can mean different things to different people and apparently this behavior is normal for the father and daughter. It definitely wouldn't be "my normal" and it isn't "your normal" as well.
This is not going to change into "your normal" any time soon in my opinion especially since you have talked with your bf about this and he stated his daughter's behavior is how daughters act with their fathers. She had to learn this behavior was ok or "normal" from someone, i.e. the dad.
Your statement....."I mean I have been putting up with it for 2 years now." Why? That's the beauty of having a bf; it's easier to leave when there are things that aren't "tolerable." This sounds like something you will NEVER accept.
You can't change a person or people into what you would like them to be unless they WANT that. Continue the relationship willing to accept this or move on and find someone closer to your idea of "normalicy" and closer to your views in regards to parenting.
This is coming from a stepmother with 4 stepchildren and accepting differences in parenting and differences in behaviors is not an easy task, but I had to accept this.
Your statement...."I have tried talking to my bf about this and he just says she is "Daddy's" little girl and always will be. I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going to be. If you are being made to feel like "second best" why stay?
Your statement...."I cant take it. It freaks me out." I don't know about you, but when something is "freaking" me out I am usually running far, far away from the situation, not sticking around.
I will admit some of the things you mentioned in your post are very concerning, i.e. running around naked or running around in her bra/underwear. Sure hope to the heaven's above there is nothing sexual going on, however, you have stated there isn't.
I dont feel there is anything sexual going on. But i just feel its not right they way they lay on the couch together. I feel at her age she should be out dating boys. I mean i understand about daddy's little girl, but hopefully someday she will be out on her own living her own life then what is he going to do??
Maybe I'm the only one here who got really uncomfortable reading your post. What I'm picturing would land high schoolers in our school in Saturday detention for "Public Display of Affection". I'm not even talking about her running around naked and announcing to her father that she's nude and don't look. That one actually made me suck in air. Honestly, I have teenage boys and they don't behave the way you're talking about with their GIRLFRIENDS in my presence - kissing each other on the arms, shoulders, etc.
Sexual behavior is on a continuum, from silly flirting all the way down to copulation. This is about half way there, IMHO.
I was called a "daddy's girl" when I was a child because I had a warm close relationship with my father, we would go fishing together, hiking, we enjoyed each other's company. Maybe my perspective here is different because my family is more formal than most in this thread, I never called him "daddy" after about 3 years old. We have never engaged in anything that looked even mildly flirtatious, and our physical contact is limited to hugs hello and goodbye, and during times of stress or upset I'd sit and hold his hand or he'd stand behind me while I'm seated and rest a hand on my shoulder. That's it.
So I understand that some of these behaviors are more typical than they seem to me, but the naked thing is so far over the top that I don't think I would have been able to hold my tongue. "In this house, we do not walk around naked and try to attract attention to ourselves. If you're in the shower and there's no towel, or you need a robe, please call out and I will bring you one."
If she were 9, I'd be blaming the father. She's nearly 17, and she's the one behaving this way - he's just not stopping it. I don't think she's blameless here at all, and I think when she's much older she'll be embarrassed to remember behaving this way.
But I do realize that others here may see it differently.
Very valuable views and opinions.. now if I may, I would like to throw in some of my views and opinions of the issue at hand.. some may disagree and that is ok. I think this is a touchy subject.. I think everyone would agree.
I am 26, will be 27 in May, I am still considered to be young, but obviously older than 17. I am extremely close to my dad, or Pops as I call him. I still give him a good ole peck on the lips (that is if he doesn't have a cold sore, lol.. my poor sis has one thanks to him haha) if pops went to the store, I would usually go. My nickname my dad gave me from the time I was born and still calls me to this day is Powly or baby. We went fishing together, as I am the only child who liked fishing.. I gave my pops hugs everyday when I lived with him and everytime I went to visit him (he is now in prison) that is as far as our affection went.. an occasional peck on the lips and hugs. I call him pops and he calls me Powly or baby.. I am the only child he gave a nickname to. I am his firstborn with my mom.. he has a dd (my half sis, whom I call my sis) from another woman and she's 4 years older than I. I don't think a daughter is too old to call their father "daddy" the baby talk is rather strange and I would agree would get annoying. The daughter is 17, right? She has developed breasts and all that womanly stuff.. she should not be running upstairs in the nude and announcing it to her father.. when this does happen may I ask what his demeanor is like (uncomfortable?) When she crawls in bed she kisses his shoulder? Ok, that is weird to me.. there are fine lines with fathers and daughters that should NEVER be crossed.. what do you mean when you say she rubs and kisses on him.. and don't take offense when I say this but I'm sorry, you ARE ALWAYS going to be second best when it comes to his child.. children always come first.
Anyways, I don't believe this flirtatious behavior is appropriate. There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious. If it is making you this uncomfortable, and rightfully so.. you should probably seperate from him. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship with him and his daughter now he probably never will.
I do wish you the very best of luck my friend. I hope you did not find my post offensive. Take care,
"There is a huge difference between being affectionate with your father/daughter and being flirtatious"
I love that. I have sons, but I think I would have the same exact behaviors with daughters, and it's not flirtatious in the least. Loving, and hugging, and affectionate, with no sexual connotation whatsoever.
Yes, the situation is concerning and not something I personally would accept, but it is what it is. I would of been out of there like yesterday because I think that it will always be this way with this father and daughter.
Obviously, this child was taught this was "ok" and NOT given boundaries. I will put the blame mostly on the parent. She only knows what she has been taught and perhaps she really doesn't know any better. Who knows.
Plus, the poster stated that there wasn't any sexual abuse going on. I will put it back on the father as it is his job to parent. I am always surprised nowadays how the teenagers act; alot of their behavior is really concerning and lacking boundaries; a total result of parenting in my opinion. "Children gone wild." 17 is no "adult" and yes, she should know better, but for what ever reason or reason she sounds "clueless." Perhaps the girl is emotionally younger than 17, perhaps she is just that simple-minded or perhaps she enjoys flirting with her dad (I am getting sick just thinking about that)......who knows
Like I stated, everyone has a different view of "normal." And for me, this isn't "my normal" at all and probably will NEVER change.
Yes, she should be doing those things (i.e.dating boys), etc., but once again the PARENT should be guiding this and it is apparent your bf is guiding this in some warped way or twisted way. It is his parenting style that is unorthodox allowing all this to happen. Plus, I am not sure if the child has some sort of emotional issues (enjoys flirting with her dad), could be emotionally younger than her years or just that simple-minded and naive......who knows for sure.
Your statement......"I feel I always will be second best to her." Well....your bf has made it perfectly clear that this is how things are going be; lacking boundaries and all. I wouldn't worry about feeling "second best" but devising a plan to get out of there as this is WAY too much for any RATIONAL person to digest mentally.
I feel this relationship will ALWAYS carry on between these two and I think you sticking around waiting for her to "leave" or things to "suddenly change" that you would be doing YOURSELF a disservice. Move on and find someone closer to the way you see/view situations. These two don't see anything wrong, therefore, there is NO problem except you complaining about them. That is their skewed perception. Plus, it seems as if you are 100% blaming this daughter. Dear, I think you are "pointing your finger" at the wrong person. You are acting as if she "goes away" all will be better and you and bf can live happily. I doubt that will be the case.
Remove yourself from the situation and waste no more time with this nonsense. It was dysfunctional before you got there and it will be dysfunctional after you leave UNLESS they want to change this. This is a job for a good therapist; not you. Find a situation to your liking, not one that you have to try to FIX to your liking.
I agree with Londres. I also think we are hearing the story through someone that is angry and fed up- which leads me to believe that we may not be getting a 'full' picture. could the info given be skewed?
But neither that is here nor there. This woman has told her boyfriend that she doesn't like this (feels second to his daughter----- which I suspect is the main issue) and he has said 'too bad'.
No hope for this relationship to resolve peacefully in my opinion when he basically isn't interested in her input to something that 'freaks, creeps' her out.
I would say this relationship has no chance of survival.
These actions are becoming more and more everyday. They have been for the last 6 months. That is why i said it freaked me out.. I could see if it had been going on the whole time. Now it is getting to the point when we are out in public she is wanting to hold his hand and wanting him to put his arm around her and hug her all the time. She is wanting to kiss him in public too. I wasnt raise like this so that is why im saying something. I would like to thank everyone for there input into this. Im really not freaked out about the kiss on lips, its more the rubbing and caressing him on the couch that kinda of freaks me out. There are times she does it when she in bra n underwear when she is cuddle with him.
I completely agree with deadmemory's post. And as far as being in bras and panties cuddling with her dad??? That sounds extremely inappropriate. I have always been close with my father but i would NEVER run aroung the house naked nor in a bra and panties. I'm only 22 and I understand why this bothers you. It doesn't seem normal to me but that is just MY opinion.
I feel like the poster just wants to vent as she is getting very solid information whether you sympathize with her that the daughter is some kind of weirdo going after dad or if the dad is some kind of weirdo allowing his daughter to be 'too close'------ that the poster should leave the relationship. I only see complaining about the daughter with no acknowledgement that her man ignores her feelings, that things aren't changing and probably won't so she should leave, and that it has always been this way and she is just now fed up with it and maybe should have left the first time she got 'creeped out'. Nothing left for me to say here.
Good points on dealing with the situation from everyone. Can I just throw one more thought into the mix?
Sometimes inappropriately sexual toned behavior (which I think the running around nude and the caressing etc is) can be the result of being or having been sexually abused in the past. I'm not saying the father has abused the child but could something have happened/be happening with someone else in the child's life?
This seems like it could be a cry for attention, especially since the behavior is escalating.
The running around in bras and panties and the amount of cuddling seems suspect to me. As far as kissing on the lips.... my sister kissed our dad on the lips until he died 15 year ago. She also called him daddy. (In fact, I know a lot of women who call their fathers daddy... the kiss on the lips and the "daddy" calling aren't the problem. Personally, I'd have a problem if a 17 year old girl was calling her daddy, "Frank, Robert, Thomas, or whatever his name was.)
I truly believe she is crying out for attention 2. The kissing on the lips n the calling "daddy" is bad. The cuddling and the running around in the bra n underwear is what is bothering me more than anything. Again I truly appreciate all the opinions that everyone has giving me. Thanks again.
To me it seems like the daughter wants attention from her father, and that she might have her father rapped around her finger and will do whatever it takes to get his attention. At the same time her father needs to step up and say you need to cover yourself up and respect for everyone wishes in the house, and not let it to continue to go on. I feel the father needs to be the parent here.
I am 25 n at 17 I would never get in bed with my dad kissing his shoulder that's what lovers do or run around my house nude that's just sick! N 4 u 2 even feel its not right is not a good sign I'm sure your a clever lady to no its not normal at all She is not a child n her father is not right in the head to be acting like this with his own daughter none of my friend or family would ever agree with it. It sound to me like something wired has been going on here n yes u should call child services I would not let my child be around these strange people...
i am curious , do you think it is not right for you , or that it is not right for them ? if you think it is not right for them , i would say .. shouldnt they be the ones to decide what is right for them ?
you said you dont think there is anything sexual going on . so what exactly is it that you think is wrong ? is it wrong for a father / daughter to have an affectionate , secure , loving , non sexual relationship ?
my daughter is 16 . she is comfortable being naked around me , and routinely walks from her bedroom to the bathroom naked . she almost always kisses me on the lips when she kisses me . we say i love you to each other every day . we frequently hug each other . she prefers to talk to me when she has questions about sex or boys .
it is a very good thing when a father / daughter , despite our societies disturbing views regarding sexuality , are able to have an open , loving , affectionate ,relationship .
I don't think it is the whole of society but rather when a new partner enters the picture stoney. We all have our own way of living life in our own home. I will say that I probably wouldn't love my kids just waltzing through the house naked at the age of 16 nor would I do that myself as I do believe in privacy and modesty but that is my opinion on that only. I too hope to be affectionate with my children even when they are older. I have boys and see nothing wrong with kissing, cuddling and hugging them forever even though we are of the opposite sex. good luck
The fact of the matter is...society DOES indicate what is considered to be "normal" and what is "abnormal". You may not like it, you don't have to agree with it...but it is what it is.
There's nothing wrong with you and your daughter kissing on the lips. However, there are a lot of people who would not agree with being complacent about your 16 year old daughter walking around the house naked in front of her father. That's NOT because it makes you sexually inappropriate, it's more about privacy, modesty, and teaching your daughter about having respect for her body...not just freely showing it to anyone. She's growing into a young woman, and again, whether you like it or not, society dictates it's just not appropriate for a father to be seeing his grown daughter naked...especially on a regular basis.
Her coming to you to discuss boys and sex is fine. Great in fact. It's lovely to know that a young woman is comfortable enough with her Daddy to have those kinds of discussions.
No one has said, or even insinuated that, because of the way you act in your home, that you're not a good Dad. And, you keep getting so caught up with this idea that society's rule are the way they are (about the nudity issue) ONLY because of sexual predators. That's not at all the way I see it...there's a lot more to it than that. No one is telling you to change your ways...just trying to explain that it is not the "norm". Plenty of people stray from the "norm". If your set up is working for you...then great, but I think it would behoove you to sort of accept that because you're going against the "norm", people are going to have reactions to that.
I know for myself...I teach my daughter that her body is a temple. She's 14. She has a beautiful figure and has blossomed into a young lady already. When we go on family vacations, with my father, and her uncle, I stress the need for her to NOT wear the skimpiest bikini she can find, because I feel it is inappropriate around those male family members. Ive taught her to be proud of her looks, her body, etc...but to respect it. I've told her that there are some parts of her body that shouldn't be revealed, and that when she is older and enters into a relationship, she needs to take the decision of showing her body to someone very seriously. She's not at all prudish, and she understands what I've taught her. Sometimes, at home, I think her shorts are a tad bit short...or a top may be a bit too tight...and while I'm not overly strict, I will sometimes tell her she needs to change. Not even so much because she is around her Dad, but because we have company over frequently that includes adult male friends. I just don't approve of her showing so much of her body.
Cultures vary all over the world. Look at some of the middle eastern countries, where it is actually a CRIME for women to show more than their eyes and nose. They wear burkas to cover literally everything. As Americans, we think that's extreme. That's kind of what I'm trying to say...there are different comfort levels with these kinds of things...and you may not like it...but you're just NOT going to change the societal views about stuff like that.
I agree with 4547624, I feel like the daughter may have some issues with you. It sounds like you both are competing for this man's attention. Whether or not the daughter's behavior is inappropriate, it is up to your bf to change the situation. It sounds to me though that he is fine with how it is. I am a stepmom to a teenager and she used to hug and kiss her dad all the time. Although the naked thing is a bit odd. But if they are that type of family then whose to say if its normal or not for them. My personal opinion though, the daughter wants his love and affection and does things to get his attention. She may think that you will take him away from her. I'm looking at this psychologically of course. Either way, you both seem to be passive aggressive with one another. Maybe his daughter can sense your animosity towards her. I really don't know, but it definitely does sound to me like you both have issues with one another.
Does you daughter KNOW you watch her naked body walk from her bedroom to the bathroom?
At what point in her life will you think this is NOT okay? Do you think a boyfriend or a husband would have a problem with this?
I agree. It's just not the norm. I, also, wonder about your daughter's development in this area. I've known many, many girls and women and I don't know ONE who felt free to walk around their house or hallway naked in front of their fathers.
I would be mortified if my daughter behaved this way and her Dad would, as well.
Ugh. Please let us not turn this into a debate about what is 'normal' in a home. Some families are indeed more casual about nudity than others.
If anyone feels that their partner is inappropriate with their child of any age, I encourage you to try to communicate with them, reach a compromise, and do what is in the best interest of the child. If someone feels that a parent is being sexual with their child, please contact the authorities. good luck to all
I dont know...i come from a life of being casted out by my parents. I was never close with either one of them when i was a child, but that was only because they were divorced and both liked to use me as a weapon against the other. But i HAVE seen normal families.
I honestly dont think this is okay..especially when the girl is 17 and crawling into bed with her dad and her father's girlfriend...thats just rude. Its okay if its during the day but i think nighttime between couples is sacred and personal time, she's not exactly being respectful towards the privacy.
Its just my opinion
no..this is NOT healthy behavior...PERIOD! why should a teenage girl continue straddling dad and caressing him and kissing his limbs laying for hours with him practically nude, if a teenage boy wouldn't ever do that with his dad?! I can pretty much guarantee that NO father would allow his son to behave in such a manner..and any father that is NOT a deviant wouldn't allow his daughter to behave that way, either! Think about it, people!
I TOTALLY agree........... this is not normal and discusting! That girl should have been giving limitations and bounderies years ago. I hope she was given the life skills to be self reliant and no longer a gaga baby and is able to moves out one day! I have a step daughter just like this, but thank God moved out or we would not still be married! Granted she lives off the governement has nothing to do with being treated like a "princess" her whole life!HA! She has her own baby boy now and is still looking for that man who reminds her of her "daddy". Tell me this is normal......please
Your stepdaughter is trying to compete with you for your husbands attention. She is taking it a bit too far by running around in the nude.. Maybe have a talk with your husband about the nudity saying it makes you uncomfortable. Honestly I don't think he would be willing to say anything about the cuddling and kissing because he'd be afraid to push her away.
My step daughter did the same thing at that age, although not nearly to that extreme. She toned down once she got a boyfriend,
And now that she's moved out, I finally get the attention lol.
Oh my goodness. Are you serious she walks around in her bra and underwear in the house naked and kisses her dad on the lips???? That is just gross and nasty. She is seventeen, grow up!!! If the dad doesn't tel her to stop then he must like it. I think the seventeen year old girl must like it too. That is so gross, like human cruelty or something. Call child service, put them in therapy, something!!!! Where is the real mother of this girl. She sleeps next to her "daddy" too, grosser!!! Who knows what she does with her daddy when your not around???!!!?? Leave him, save yourself!!
This is an old post. There all sorts of ways that households are run with some being more casual regarding nudity and affection. Each family must find the balance for themselves and it would be hard as a new partner to walk into a situation that is the norm for that particular family. I would talk to the father and see if new boundaries can be set up. And if anyone suspects that there is child molestation going on, they should call the authorities. good luck
Wow. I wonder where the majority of these comments are coming from. I imagine a peck here there on the fathers lips are not suspect, it didn't occur in my family but I've seen it. There isn't anything wrong with calling your father daddy but what's very concerning is how comfortable they are cuddling together, I mean cuddling with your daughter at 17 is quite weird and her kissing his shoulder and hugging up on him is weird too. Some daughters become in love with their dads in inappropriate ways if the relationship is not checked and boundaries not set, this seems like one that either has or easily can. What's alarming to me though is the amount of people on this thread who only mildly surprised if not all by this behavior.
Ok people so she stated there is nothing sexual going on soooo moving on.To me I think it is normal for them to kiss on the lips.just a QUICK PECK.but to me the rubbing and all that is not normal.she's 17,she knows somewhat about sex and I'm pretty sure she gets "feelings" not saying she gets "feelings"with her dad but I just think the rubbing and running around naked ABSOLUTELY needs to be stopped.as well as sleeping with y'all.obviously DADDY does not mind so either you will have to deal witg it OR MOVE ON.
** the reason why community leaders often point out when a post is old is because if someone has an issue that they would like post about that pertains to them, they will get more responses if they start their own thread. Also, people often don't look at the date and begin writing to the poster who has been long gone and they don't even realize it. And when older, more controversial threads get pulled up, it can disrupt the flow of 'real time' posts that people would like addressed on the forum. That is the basis for pointing out when a thread is older. Med Help even has an hourglass symbol to denote that but it is often overlooked.
so, pointing out that a thread is older has some purpose behind it. Thanks for asking!
The daughter is being overtly sexual with her father. This is NOT healthy in a sexually developed girl. The father needs to draw boundaries as lines of appropriateness are clearly being crossed, which goes beyond the child calling him daddy. She is experimenting with her sexuality on her father. This is INAPPROPRIATE.
All the others giving opinions seem to be more comfortable with it that you and I. I'd never kiss my father on the mouth. Some people do and it doesn't bother me too much. I just wonder, would they be equally accepting and comfortable with a 17 year old son kissing his dad on the mouth.
I wouldn't stay in a relationship that constantly creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable.
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