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BOYFRIEND HELP PLEASE ASAP! *NEW HERE*
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BOYFRIEND HELP PLEASE ASAP! *NEW HERE*

Hi I am new to the forum and I am looking for support for my relationship with my fiance. We have a 6 month old son, who had open heart surgery and we are constantly going back and forth from the doctor office. Anyways, now about my relationship. I have been with this man for about 7 years and most of the time I know that he is a HUGE flirt, I am always finding things that should not be in his cell phone and he always locks it and is really weird about having it around me. I'm not saying that he actually has cheated on me, but he is constantly verbally abusing me calling me a retard, and stupid dumb idiot ugly. YOU NAME IT. Now I have been very very loyal to him the whole time but just recently I had cheated on him! Part of me feels angry and part of me does not care. We have hardly been having a sex life and I've been trying to do more of that recently with him, but a lot of times he won't want to or he just ate, or hes just tired! The worst part is I have an anxiety disorder and a bit of ocd and I always have to "Confess" these awful things to him. I blame myself for doing that and hes the only person who I can talk to about it other than my mom. It really makes me feel like I am an evil person and I am doing this on purpose or I like to do this to him. We recently got into an argument, and it was about me finding a message in his phone saying to another girl that he wants to be with her, I told him I found it and he said he does not. He has been leaving me a bunch with the baby at home by myself. But after the argument I ended up calling the police on him and putting him in jail because he tried to stop me from going up the stairs and left a huge mark on my face and a black eye from grabbing me. His whole family hates me, I think he hates me but still wants to be with me. I don't know what I should do!!! ITS KILLING ME INSIDE. Please give advice and or feed back :) Thank you.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and welcome. All relationships have moments of madness but yours i must say is really going in a lot of directions.
In general, when 2 people meet that love eachother they get married. They accept vows made to God and themselves to love eachother for better or worse.
During the time together disagreements arise because there are 2 separate people with different opinions. None the less they plan their lives together, become part of societies workforce and try to buy a house by putting their minds and resources together.
To put it simple they become a TEAM!
I dont read team players anywhere in your post and after 7 years of being together, you still refer to him as your boyfriend.
The reason he calls you names is that you let him! And in retrospect, the reason you dont call him names is that he doesnt let you. You seem very  anxious about him being a flirt but then you have the affair.
What is killing you inside?
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Avatar_f_tn
This is a very unhealthy relationship. I think that you have waited long enough and put up with enough disrespect in this relationship and its time to move on. Neither one of you is happy together and you're both driving each other crazy. I think there comes a point where some relationships have just run their course and are past the expiration date. Your best option right now would be to try to part as acquaintances (not friends) and get on with your life. I think it's time to face the fact that you aren't making each other happy anymore and too much has happened for it to ever be as great as it once was. Those days are over. It's all downhill for here, if you stay.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi thank you for replying to my post! I would just like to say if he was serious about being with me for 7 years he would not hit me not spit on me not call me names not have girls in his phones and not break my window because he is mad. He would show me love and respect and about the buying a house, he does not work. The only time he has worked for 2 months and then they found out about a background check because he was about to get promoted! That we were once happy together and now our families have grown to HATE eachother, yea sure I shouldn't probably have put him in jail but I have a scar on my face for ever. I had to block his mom from calling me. She is so rude she thinks i was jealous of him because i was cheating I had only cheated after he was in jail and I found out he was going to a mall and hanging out with this girl. Pictures of her *** in his phone! I Had to find out from the girl NOT HIM.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi thanks for your reply! I TOTALLY AGREE ITS NOT HEALTHY!!!! and i don't want my son around the abuse.
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Avatar_f_tn
He is definitely not worth anymore of your time or effort. I hope that you will do the right thing and leave him. That's the best thing you could do for both you and your son.
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480448_tn?1403547723
You shouldn't have put him in jail?

ANYone who laid a hand on me (I don't care who it was) and left a mark would find themselves in jail.  My FIRST grader knows not to put his hands on others, yet adults seem to forget that and think it's okay.  It's not.

This whole situation is really quite a mess and doesn't sound like it's built from a strong foundation...there is infidelity, distrust, abuse, broken promises....etc.  Certainly not the things dreams are made of.

TBH, the only chance this relationship would have is if you BOTH got some intensive professional help.  Being angry and abusive isn't okay, nor is it okay to accuse someone of cheating, then going out and doing the exact same thing.

My honest advice is to cut ties and walk away.  You'll always be connected to each other with your son, but that doesn't mean you two should be in a relationship together.
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you everyone for your replies! I think it is a very confusing time for me right now and I certinally want whats best for my son and I. He was breaking our no contact order, being verbally and physically abusive to me. I know in my heart that I am not a cheater I regret doing so but I get so angry and fed up with how he treats me. Leaving me all day not answering my phone calls. I'm considering taking a break maybe until he is out and then we will maybe do counseling I'm hoping that will work. I love this man and I know he loves me even though we fight and argue. - why shouldn't I have put him in jail he kind of did that to himself?
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