Bad anger issues after baby???

[brookerob]

My baby is about a month old now. Every since she has got here I get so angry at the smallest things. Especially towards my boyfriend everything he does I get so mad. I feel like I hate him but I know I love him very much I just don't know how to stop acting this way!

[specialmom]

Hi there sweetie.  Well, first, congrats on your baby!  What a wonderful time in your life---  or at least it should be.  I remember when I had my first child, I was tired!!  And slightly overwhelmed at times.  And this did not bode well for my mood.  :>)  So, I understand.  And my husband was the easiest target.  And when you live with someone, it's really easy to see ALL Of their flaws.  

My advice though is to try to put a lid on this.  Realize that it is other things causing you to be hyper critical of your boyfriend and easily agitated.  Remember that this IS a special time . .    this is the first exposure to life with you and your boyfriend that your baby has.  This is his first chance at parenthood and being a family.  This is YOUR first time as a mom and coparent with your boyfriend.  It's a beautiful time.  Don't let the grumpies ruin it!  

So, what I did was build in some relax and recharge time for myself.  I had a slot of time every evening that husband had baby and I did what I wanted like rest or read or a load of laundry.  And on the weekends, I had 2 to 4 hours of ME time.  !!  Essential for my well being.  And great for father baby bonding.  I also tried to have an occasional date with my husband. This was never out of the house when we had the newborn----  I'd pour him a glass a wine, I might have one too, light a candle, serve our favorite snack and watch a movie, talk or listen to music together for an hour or son on a Friday or Saturday night while the baby slept.  It really is healing to do these things with your partner where being together is the focus rather than the baby or day to day things.  I kept the mood light on our 'dates'.  

another thing to do that a counselor told me was to kiss your partner hello and goodbye every time they leave or you leave. Whether you feel like it or not.  It just sets a tone of love between you.  And it is harder to be mad at someone you know you have love for.  

Try to get a bit of exercise here and there and fresh air as this definitely helps mood and our ability to cope too.  

Hang in there and I'm here (along with the other great people of the forum) to vent to or chat with any time.  

[Nighthawk61]

Here's a site on the subject that comes to mind..." Worry stones are used for many purposes by a variety of cultures. They originated in Ancient Greece a few millenia ago. The first worry stones were simple rocks that had been worn smooth by the sea. In modern times, worry stones are often carved from semiprecious gemstones.
In many cultures, worry stones are thought to relieve stress. The basic method used is rubbing the smooth area of the stone with the index finger and thumb. "

It might help you to find an inexpensive beaded necklace you can use as a bracelet , that has an end hanging down with beads on it that you can grab and roll in your fingers , like one would a worry stone.

You can repeat to yourself something short and simple to redirect your focus away from any incident that causes your wrath. Something like...

" I might be really mad at what just happened here, but i'm not going to be mad right now.?

Take a moment and write down on a post it note a few words to remind you later what you were mad at, and when you are rested happy and positive,  look at the incident. If it requires you to discuss anything with your partner, child or anyone else, do so when you are calm.

I know it seems like an oddball way to cope, but if you could learn how to effectively compartmentalize your negative feelings to be dealt with at a more opportune time, your finesse will be respected by everyone that knows you. You will be respected in all arena's of life. work, pleasure, home, the whole gambit.

Take this an an opportunity to grow. Make it a positive thing that will make you a better person , than you would be even if you had no problems with anger.

As a mother, i can tell you, it is a REALLY REALLY GOOD HABIT to form when looking after your kids , young or older. It makes it so that you have less things that you will regret down the road.

All the best.

[Buzzbeemommy]

I'm sorry you're going through this! All these changes, hormonal changes, life changes, also lack of sleep can be stressful! It very well could be postpartum depression, I had it after my first and I felt very short tempered & like any little thing would set me off to the point I would get anxiety attacks from it. I would definitely talk to your doctor and possibly look into coping techniques when you feel angry, some sound silly but they help me a lot

[Jonesy2015]

I agree it sounds like postpartum. I would talk to your doctor right away.

[chloebirdie15]

You may possibly have postpardum depression. I had that for a long time after my daughter was born because I was a single parent and everything was just so hard not being able to rest and having to go to work right away. I would let my doctor know so they can help or perscribe  you something if that's what it is.

[Enacamel123]

It's probably due to all the life changes you're experiencing and hormones. When you get upset, think if what you're getting upset about is a big or small deal. Then leave the room to calm down. Taking that timeout for yourself really helps.