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Bad mother daughter relationship?
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Bad mother daughter relationship?

I should go see someone but at the moment it's pretty hard for me i  in my 20's living at home caring for my mom, she has depression agoraphobia anxiety and the list goes on. I'm pretty much home 24/7 on call for her when she needs something done. I am the youngest of the family and my brothers and sisters have all left home because she kicked th out I feel like I'm next on the list shortly. The problem I'm having varies I'm continually getting put down for eating the wrong food, forgetting to do a chore on time every time, no doing a job properly, making the wrong choices in life, not listening to her when she tells me what I should and shouldn't do and I could keep on going all day... I'm finding that she thinks I  the source of her problems that if I had of been my brother I would of been loved for better if I did a trade I.e plumbing, building, mechanics etc I would be liked, no matter how hard I try to please her it goes through one ear and out the other but when I do something wrong she makes sure I don't forget it. I don't have friends because I'm not allowed to go out or if I do I come home and she gives me a guilt trip for leaving I don't have friends as she doesn't like any of my friends that I talk to and I definitely don't have a boyfriend because she will always find a way to hate them. My father left when I was three and doesn't want to have anything to do with me as I was born a girl and not a boy so I haven't seen h since the day he left. This has had a big impact on my life and because of it I have become closer to my mom so close that when she gets a new boyfriend I feel like she cut e out of her life, she makes mean jokes about me and treats me like a slave in front of them. I get upset because there is not a moment we can talk or even spend time together. I've been the reason why her relationships with men don't work apparently because when I get upset she screams at me and they can't handle me reacting. But if they only knew why?  I don't know what to do anymore as I've been threatened with being kicked out if I cause her relationships to fail so I made sure I stayed out of her way for her recent one and I got screamed at for staying in my room and doing my school work and not talking to her partner. I feel like no matter how hard I try I'll never please my mother enough for her to love me. And I'm not sure what to do with the rest of my life even if it's worth going on with.
4 Comments Post a Comment
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6726276_tn?1388332222
Dear lilmiss, you are doing the best you can in a tough situation.
Do you want to find work & move out ?  Would your brothers help with mom?  
  Her mental condition is probably causing her ill treatment of you. Pamela
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1974283_tn?1328326848
I want you to know you're not alone. I went through this a little earlier, as I am 20 now and I have finally broke free of the awful mental and emotional torture from my mom.

My mom would date men who would hurt my brother and I. It's hard to remember the majority of it, but my mom would never stand up for us, she would never protect us, and she would never apologize or admit she was wrong. This happened with one man after another. The last man before my mom found someone who makes a lot of money had to make a sexual pass at me to get her to leave him. I was 15 at the time.

I started going to therapy at age 13. We tried family therapy, but I think that whole idea is a load of ****. Sorry for my language. Nothing is worse than sitting in a circle blaming each other repeatedly for an hour. It's hurtful, and hurts any progress you have made in trusting that person again.


My mom has this condition where she wants everyone to feel sorry for her and support her. I just about died of a combination of strep, MRSA, and ulcerative colitis and she is off crying to the nurses saying "I can't believe this is happening to me." I'm sorry, yes, it *****, but I'm on my death bed and you can't even hold my hand and offer my a little bit of light. I've fought with severe colitis all my life and she always said this like "I can't believe I was given a daughter like this. I wish you would just be normal". Like it was my choice, right?

I, too, took care of my mom when it was just the two of us. When men came around I felt pushed off a totem pole. I was no longer my moms partner and friend, I was the child.. With no rights and no say. It was hard to accept that.

Take it from me, my life didn't get better until I left. My mom threatened to kick me out all the time. She didn't want me around and she never will want me around for more than a visit. I am not her top priority and I know that.
In matter of six months after moving out everything changed. My physiologist has released me from her care as I can now function without her. I live with an amazing man and we are buying a house together in a few months!

And you know what my mom is doing? Sitting at home bitching about how her kids don't care about her because we won't put up with being abused. I told her she has all my love and all my support, but not while she's a cow, and not until she apologized and accepts reap
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1974283_tn?1328326848
Responsibility for what he has done to my brother and I.

Needless to say, I talk to my mom every other day now.
Talking to a doctor really helped get my kind straight because I sure felt crazy around her.

Turns out I didn't have depression, bipolar or a personality disorder.. I was just surrounded by awful people who mistreated me. As soon as I got away I started to shine.
Good luck, and if you need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me!
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Avatar_f_tn
When a person lives in such a toxic environment as this one being criticized constantly and never hearing positive feedback, it makes the person start believing those things even though though none of it is true.  The best thing you could do for yourself is to get away from her and live your own life.  You are a lot stronger than you realize because you've put up with her for this long.

What you're going to need to do is make a plan for how to leave and take the steps necessary to make that happen. You'll need to get a job and save up some money but you can do this.  Do not allow anyone in your life,  even your own mother,  make you doubt yourself and your value. She has had enough time to boss you around and it's time for you to live your own life. Talk to your siblings and see if you can stay with them while you save up money. They got away from her, and hopefully they can help you get away too.
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