Relationships Community
Being Single
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

Being Single

Why can't I get a date? Don't bother looking at my profile, it's depressing and stupid, and I haven't updated it in a LONG time. It kills me a little bit everyday when I have to wake up and realize that I'm the only unwillingly single person I know. Even the stupid fat guys get dates, so why is it that a fit, intelligent, 21 year old guy has never even heard someone his age say that they love him? Am I just a bad person?
Related Discussions
43 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
1836756_tn?1318626615
awww you sound like such a kind hearted guy dont worry theres someone for everyone you know it might not look that way now but one day you will  look back and laugh cuz you met someone that loved you for who you are that person could be just around the conner and of course your not a bad person your just waiting on the right girl and u will find her :)
Blank
184674_tn?1360864093
First of all, no, I'm certain you're not a "bad person."
Secondly, what types of things interest you, and are you involved in anything that would allow you to interact with people?
Third, what types of medication and/or therapy are you using for your depression, bipolar, and social anxiety? How often? Have you noticed any of it working to your advantage in any way?
And last, what about yourself makes you dislike yourself so much? I can tell you, as a woman, that one of the main things a woman finds attractive about a man is self-confidence and self-provision. The pressure is too much to bear when a man makes a woman his end-all be-all only reason for living and has no confidence in himself or ability to provide for himself (emotionally, financially, and/or physically) without her.
I know this advice may not mean much to you, but I think you're expecting too little of yourself and too much from a woman, or even just a date, building both up to be something that is unrealistic. You need to find a better, more effective way to feel confident about yourself as you are, how you are (single, age 21, and trying to cope with the issues in your life effectively), and not be ashamed or angry about it.
The "stupid fat guys get dates" because they have a level of confidence within themselves that is comforable and accepting of who they are and how they are, without many, or very few, negative feelings attached to that.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I'm involved in skiing, art, music, class, and work. I'm an extreme introvert, and meeting people is something that I don't really enjoy. I actually find it quite tedious and irritating, I only meet people through other people through friends. I try to meet girls at book stores and places like that so I can get a reading off of them before I interact.
I don't take prescription medication. I have terrible reactions to almost all of the ones I have taken in the past, one sending me to the hospital for chest pains and another causing me to go full suicidal, and everything in between. The only thing that works for me, and I'm by no means advocating its use, is pot. That's one of the things that makes looking for girls hard, they'd have to be at least willing to accept my lifestyle and not judge me because of it. Pot is literally the only thing I've ever used that did what it's supposed to do when it's supposed to do it, consistently.
I grew up in a family that, while they said they loved me, my parent's words always seemed empty. They've always supported me in things they wanted to support me in, and ignored things that I'm interested in even if I'm good at them. My parents are introverts as well, but they're unwilling to accept that fact and always try to be more outgoing, and that pisses me off. My mom always tries to make me feel bad about my intj personality type as if it's not a personality type but a personality disorder. She routinely tells me that she used to be just like me but "cured", and yes she's said that, herself. They act like I'm great and everything, but it all seems so fake, like they're lying to me like a child. My hatred stems from that and social conditioning from my peers. From the time I moved here in 1998 I've been hated, not a term I use lightly, by nearly everyone. I've been in 4 schools and the people have hated me the same at most. I've known one girl for 13 years and she's been a pretty close friend for most of that time, she was the only person that was really nice to me when I moved here. I thought we had something, I thought she felt something for me. Turns out she doesn't and I've been lying to myself all this time trying to make her something more than what she is. I've always known I wouldn't get her, but when you can't even get the only girl that's ever really been consistently nice to you to be in a relationship with you, that's when it really gets nerve racking.

I mean, with how I know people feel about me, my head is seriously messed up and I've been looking for anybody that will love me since I was about 16. I know it's not going to happen in Alliance, OH, and I'm moving soon to get away from this toxicity, but I'm thinking that a change of local won't be enough to fix me.
Blank
1789676_tn?1319682775
i agree with skeete11 :) ^^^^
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I didn't think I was negative. I thought I was honest with myself. Reality is a *****, it *****, it's not some candyland where you get all the free lollipops you want, you have to work and pay for everything. Everything's all fine and pretty when you don't fail at every single attempt dating.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Fantastic, we've talked before and I'm sorry things are still stressful for you.  On the plus side, you want to connect with others and have relationships in your life but on the minus side, the begining phases of that irritate you.  Do you see where these to things will cancel each other out and keep you in limbo?  

Now, introvert is often misused in society.  It does not mean that one doesn't like people or isn't 'good' with people.  Some "outgoing" people are seriously obnoxious and lack social skills.  Some introverted people are fabulous at conversation and making others feel 'heard'.  So, take people otu of the equation of deciding if you are introverted or extroverted.  I still agree that you are introverted---------- but what it really means is that you find your strength and energy from the inside out.  An extrovert gets that from the outside in.  I view introverted people as MUCH stronger than extroverted.

But I sense a serous issue going on with you------ while you do sound introverted and like your strength and energy comes from withing----  it seems your inner energy is negative.  This could be do to untreated mental health issues.  I understand that medication has not worked great but would have to hear your whole history to accept that nothing would work for you as well as your self medicating with pot.  But that is beside the point and not what you asked for in your posted question.  

I really believe that this world is full of people and while we are all different, we can always find people that are similar.  If you love books, join a book club.  This involves interaction but is 'safe' as everyone is there on the premise to discuss a book (with many people there trying to make connections for friendship and otherwise).  You just will have to believe me that there are others out there that find 'out of the box' folks very interesting and this interest sparks their desire to get to know them and date them.  

If you are in college-------  plan on being really successful at your career.  Yep, this is attractive to many because passion and success is attractive to many people.  Don't let this negative self talk to derail you.

You believe everyone hated you since 1998.  This is the voice in your head telling you this.  You have to change the tape.  I know easier said than done but work on it.  Please.  I say that with heartfelt sincerity.  I'm working with my little boy now because he already has started with negative self talk.  It changes everything.  You view kids that are maybe not friendly to you because they don't know you and haven't been give a reason yet to get to know you as hating you or not liking you.  (my boy does).  When the truth is, you (and my son) must be open to them (you are irritated at this process) without letting your own "stuff" get in the way.  

I think what I would suggest you do is make a 'to do' list with a couple of things this week to start out with.  Simple things you can do easily.  One might be to write a list of 150 things you do like about yourself and feel you offer the world.  Another may be to call local book stores or check on line at your school or the library or 'however' you can to see if there is a local book club or discussion group you can join.  Or maybe your other one can be to have coffee with one person this week that is a friend of some sort and have light conversation.  But do two things this week to move you in a direction of better self talk, image and using that to make connections.

I have faith in you.  I do.  You seem interesting and quite smart and you are young.  Your life is just begining and you can mold it into what you want it to be.  Peace.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
In all reality, much of my issues in the world of dating and socializing stem from the reality that I've endured. I say that people hated me, those were not my words, those were the words of a girl I've known since I was 8 and have been friends with ever since, they are the words of my best friend who I've known for 6 years, they are the words of my peers who had no opinion of me being even more than a grain of sand. My reality is a reality of hatred and social toxicity, the fact that I'm still alive after all the stuff I've had to deal with is incomprehensible. To me, life is a game, and I don't lose and when I do lose I play double or nothing. At this point, I'm probably eight levels in, but when that tide turns I'll be back on top and done playing.

Yes, I hate myself, but that's because I before I moved here, I was extremely popular without even trying. Either the world/society has changed or location has changed, I really haven't much. My views really haven't much, my actions haven't much. I give my life to people and they look at me like I'm a lunatic, like I have no place, no value, no potential. They assume I'm a child, a punk, a loser, and a sinner. I can see it in their eyes, I can hear it in their voices, I can feel it in their aura. When I leave the area, I get a totally different vibe off of people, I'm happy, I'm more outgoing, I'm less physically sick all the time. So really, I was looking for affirmation that location was a possibility, I already know it is a probability if not an absolute. I may be negative, fine, but that's who I am and nothing I change will change who I fundamentally am. It took me too long to like who I am to change that.
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
Well if you're unwilling to change who you are because you've invested too much time, but it's not WORKING for you as is...don't know that there's anything we can do for you.

Sure, changing locations might work. But generally if the majority of people are reacting to you a certain way, it's because you're coming off a certain way...and until you recognize what makes people react to you that way and change that (even if it took you SEVENTY years to create that persona) ....this problem will most likely follow you.

best of luck. Weren't you going to move previously as well? Hope you can get out of there soon and I hope it makes a difference...it might!

(also ...you say your views and actions haven't changed much. sorry, but they should (not your values, but your actions). you're 21...if you've continued to have the same opinions and views and actions, changes are you're holding on to the same ones you had as a teenager...and sometimes it takes us outgrowing those to become more at peace with those around us.)
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I've just come the realization that while I may have an IQ over 140, emotionally I'm probably somewhere around where most other people were when they were 16.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
It's not horrible being single. I know EXTREMELY, ridiculously good looking neurosurgeons who are the sweetest, kindest and just all around amazing guys who haven't had dates let alone girlfriends in YEARS. In fact one of our residents is in the process of a divorce.

Being single isn't horrible.

You're attitude could be a bit of it. You seem negative and just not that pleasant honestly. If you project a negative attitude it can be very unattractive for a person. Or if you act arrogant, cocky or egotistical. The last 3 can make the most gorgeous man completely ugly. To me there is nothing uglier than arrogance.
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
If only people in some one location treat you badly,  why don't you move away to places where people treat you better?  

You are presenting an impossibly difficult picture for anyone to understand and offer real help here,  FF.  

You speak in riddles,  you don't make your situation clear at ALL,  so if you really want help,  say what's going on.  Give a timeline,  and a skeleton explanation of what has happened to you.

And why you are choosing as an adult to live in a place that you think is the only place where people treat you badly.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Ya know, a person can be lonely even when they are surrounded by people and this can be very painful.  I get that.  I hear your loneliness and really, hopelessness along with it.  

But what you can do is think of this as a period of time.  Think of life in blocks of time only.  You are in a block that isn't great.  You can't wait for it to end and wonder if it ever will.  But it will.  So, you need to start thinking and planning for the next block of time.  Where do you want to go?  What kind of people do you want in your life there?  What kind of person do you want to be?  This next block is a good one in which you have much more control over it.  START planning now.  I assume that since you are 21 and in college ---- that you will soon have a degree that hopefully will put you in a position to go where you want.

Alliance, Ohio is a small town.  Small towns are NOT for everyone and often in a conservative place, they do not make room for those that don't fit a particular mold.  So, think of where you want to go.  I'd also think about how chronic pot smoking would hold you back in that next block of time coming.  

I think you hear something that can be true in many posts here---  that when we run from problems, they often follow us.  So you have to address the root of problems or they'll resurface.  If your thinking is holding you back, and I believe it is--------  you must use your intelligence to actively change it.  You are not a bad person for the negativity but it causes you to live your life in a certain way that you are finding yourself now in and are unhappy with.  So, this is something you can work on.  You can try to improve how YOU interact with others and how you feel about yourself.

I tell my son this (and about a zillion people before him) that there is one simple thing he can do to improve his social interaction------ smile.  Sounds dumb but our body language and facial expression can set the tone for interaction with another.  We are often unaware of what our face is doing and it can come off as stiff, tense, unhappy, unwelcoming, irritated when what we REALLY want is to get to know someone.  So smile---- whether it starts off as fake or not, it DOES improve how interaction goes.  

goodl uck
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I'll post up my history from 1998 to the present when I get home tonight.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Before I go any further with my observation, I'd say that some professional help is necessary.  I've commented on your posts before, quite some time ago and you are still in the same position.

Now, I feel for you.  I really do.  I used to have a lot of the feelings you do about people not liking you, and feeling like I had poor self esteem.  Actually, the low self esteem fed off of the thoughts that nobody liked me.

The root of the problem was a depression disorder.  I chose not to seek any medical attention, and it was the worst thing I could have done... or not done, in this circumstance.

A little back ground on me, and maybe this might flip a switch or something.  I am commonly referred to as a "red neck".  I am not a racist, but I do like trucks, like to hunt, fish, camp, be outside...somehow red neck stuck... big deal.  I was in the bar business for 18-19 years, 15 of that as a manager.  Because the regulars always saw me as the guy who was throwing people out, or the guy who was in the middle of the fight trying to get it stopped, or after getting cold-cocked... people had perception (s) of me that couldn't be further from the truth.  I'm starting to rant.... Ill cut it short by saying numerous people had numerous misconceptions of me...

Anyhow, I was the last guy in the world that #1.  Anyone thought would need some therapy, and #2.  The last guy in the world who would go to therapy.  In my head, I had no problems.... it was everyone else.  I mean, I was good, I had things under control, I took care of business.... I didn't need to go to therapy and tell some schmuck my problems, because there weren't any... (What a dumb a$$!!!!!!)  I was a soup sandwich on the inside... everything was screwed up....  Everybody else had the problems.... not me.

One thing I learned in therapy was, in order to be loved we must feel love for ourselves.  In order to receive love, we must be loving first.  Also, I used to claim that I didn't get the respect I deserved... I was not very respectful in return... if you come off that way, who is going to respect you/love you.

I was asked to take a real HONEST personal inventory of me.  At first, I was just like you.  I said all of these self promoting things that I honestly believed.  The fact was, I wanted to be those things and I was not.  When I got down to actually being honest with myself and took that personal inventory again, I realized that I had a lot of work to do.  All of this stuff had been a life long battle.  But after diagnosis, I let it go 14 years before doing something....  so stupid.  Not only did I waste 14 years of my life, more importantly I wasted 14 years of my wife and childrens lives.... it was completely avoidable and very treatable.

The problems everyone else had were MY problems.  Disrespected, and I was disrespectful, feeling unloved and I was unloving.  It is a hard thing to do, to really take a look at yourself and acknowledge that you aren't the guy you want to be.... I wasn't merciless and making things up that weren't there, but staring at the things that obviously were.  It was a bit intimidating... but at the core of me, the good dude was in there.  Often buried, often self ignored, quite often there to abuse myself and send myself further into depression... but the good dude was there.

Seek some professional help.... take a real good look at yourself before you judge "everyone" else.  It's okay, but chances are, you may be the problem.  The good news is, it's fixable.
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
I just saw a quote that made me think of your post....

"if you have a long history of failed relationships...there is a common denominator - you."
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
Just because I am a common denominator, doesn't mean that how I interact or think is. I've changed my persona 6 or 7 times since I've moved up here thinking that the problem was me, the problem is not me and I will never again take the blame for it. Anyone that is an introvert atheist living in a small town or NE Ohio will agree with me because there is a major discrimination factor going on in the world right now about it. So again, just because I'm a constant, doesn't mean my reactions and thought processes are.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Fantastic, what worries me is that you use introvert as some kind of group.  In an earlier post, I tried to explain what introvert actually means.  It means strength from within.  I'm an introvert---------- my energy comes from the inside out verses my extrovert husband that gets his energy from outside of himself.  

Introvert doesn't mean shy or non talkative or anything like that.  And I know for a fact that there are PLENTY of introverts in NE Ohio-----  I've lived in NE Ohio myself.  

Atheist . . . well, religioun, politics, etc.----------  yeah.  People take that stuff personally sometimes but why the heck would that be part of your persona?  Two of my very bestest besties are athiests!  I'm not.  Big deal.  We have great conversations at times and choose not to discuss touchy subjects at others.  

So, I was with you until your very last post when I'm starting to see something.  There is much more going on that just 'other people' and discrimination.  Do you know that it has been studied that kids that are bullied often have commonalities?  Is that a bad thing?  No.  Just something that studies have proven over time.  

Now, I'll be honest.  Love Ashelen, hate that quote she shared.  I have seen good people that are struggling have issue after issue with people and sometimes it is very true that they are picking the wrong kind of people to associate with as part of the problem (so 'they' are in the mix besides just you) and saying that "you" are the common denominator probably doesn't feel too good when we are fragile.  My son has had some issues and while he has things to work on, that quote would hurt him to read and to then think it is all him.  

As I said, you need to think about the next phase of your life and where you want to go and how you are going to be happy in it.  good luck
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
Social anxiety, perhaps?
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I feel normal again, I have a breakdown about 3 days a month, I'm over it. I'm back to having my confidence, I still believe that many of my issues have to deal with my loathing of the actions and beliefs of the people around me, I just want people that have somewhat simalar beliefs to me, people that understand what I've been through, and why I see things the way I see things.

I don't use introvert as a group, I am an INTJ, if you look up the personality type you will see what I'm talking about. I use the community of INTJ as a representation of why I think the way I think, yes I get my power and respect from within, no I don't really have any respect for what most other people have to say about me. It's not a matter of that, I'm just giving insight into why my personality type effects my thoughts so much.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
Yes, I have a really bad social anxiety disorder
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
What is difficult, if I am to be honest, is that while you are quite articulate, you also are not open to things it seems.  You feel you want others similar to you and have no rspect for other's opinions, etc. and I am getting a general sense of disdain for the general population that you seem to have (or at least I think I'm reading that here)-----  and it makes me wonder if this hasn't become your defense mechanism over the years.  Unfortunately, it very well may be a key component to what your original question was----  why you are having trouble dating and making lasting relationships.  

I know that you have eluded to difficulty working with mental health professionals and medication but am a bit concerned that some of your current coping mechanisms aren't the best.  Do you still see a psychiatrist and/or a psychologist?  
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
Well gotta strike out sometimes, right specialmom?

I didn't mean to say it in the sense that it's YOUR fault...but the common denominator in any relationship you are in is YOU. Whether you're a part of why they fail or not, that is of course a matter that should be discovered through reflection and introspection. But the truth is...for every relationship in the past, you've been there. you've been a part of it. it's time for you to figure out why things keep failing with YOU. I doubt you're the reason they've all failed...you're just not an awful person, so I don't believe you're the root cause of past relationship failures. but you ARE the common denominator...so what isn't working?

You can write off some relationships (friends and otherwise) as bad combinations. sometimes people just don't mesh together. no biggie..just push those aside. some you can attribute to the other person. some people are intractable and unwilling to compromise or be giving in a relationship, and those inevitably end. but some of them (for ALL of us!) are going to be a result of your actions. I can think of several relationships in my past that were ended because of my actions.

I would say that's a good place to start figuring out what's not gelling with other people. because those who are the closest to us can often give us the clues to what it is about us a person in general that we need to improve. because these are the people most likely to forgive us for our faults...so what is it that they just couldn't overlook? that is somewhere to start. Believe me, I hate looking at myself that way, but I've discovered a few little nasties about myself by dissecting past relationships that way.

I don't necessarily see why being an atheist would be a road-block to a relationship. Some of my best friends are atheists even though I'm a catholic. atheists today are far more accepted than they have been in any time period in modern civilization. why does everyone who meets you need to know you're an atheist off the bat? just like information about past relationships, my religious beliefs never come up until I know someone well enough to share that part of myself.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
My husband is both an introvert and atheist. I'm an extrovert and Methodist. I love being around people and believe in God and all that. We get along just fine and our friends don't seem to care at all about his personal preferences.

Religion and being outgoing or not is not an excuse to be so negative and miserable. Stop blaming everybody around you for your misery. Try being around positive people and if there is a subject you know will cause controversy, why not just avoid that subject?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
In reading Your comments here it seems that You are judgemental of others and maybe - just maybe - that's what others don't like, or find objectionable
.
You also said early on (Your 2nd post) :

"meeting people is something I don't really enjoy.  I actually find it quite tedious and irritating".  

This is quite a telling (arrogant?) statement - maybe people "pick up" on this attitude and maybe if You were to adjust that attitude people would react differently to You.  

I agree with Ashelen's quote regarding a,  common denominator.  "Everyone" is not going to "hate" You unless You are unpleasant to be around.




Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
No offense, but being an Atheist is probably the worst thing you could be here. I get treated almost as bad as sex offenders, my life has actually been threatened seriously over the subject multiple times. And I don't just off the cuff tell people I'm atheist, usually I tell people I know and it gets out and spread around. I was a militant Atheist for a while because of this to the point of reading the bible, highlighting sections that are completely contradictory to other sections, rule that are set and people who broke the rules but it was "justified". Look, I'm no idiot, racism, sexism, and people who want to eradicate the existence of other religions exist, and they always will due to social and societal needs.

You're right though many of my relationships were doomed from the start. Knowing that one of my best friends was starting to hang out with a kid who bullied me daily made me see that he was going to turn into a giant ******* and not even realize it. He put me on his hit-list, and he's the only person I've ever told that I would kill and meant it.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
OMGolly!!  I've decided not to participate in this any longer.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I don't respect the incorrect beliefs and ideas of others, it's not an indiscriminate thing, if you're right and can prove you're right I don't have an issue, but when people spout off idealistic bs that's when I have a problem.

In regards to disdain to other people, I have a problem with people who blindly follow the heard, who, just because everyone else likes it they like it; people who listen to pop music and consider it "good"; people who like Twilight even though nearly every respectable critic has called the books gigantic piles of horse $h1t. My problem is that people tend to think they have good tastes when really they're just listening to what someone else says and spouts off the bs as if it was their idea, and the idea is completely wrong. In the end of the day, all of those people will amount to a lower middle class family and produce sheeple children, who will grow up and ruin our society further. I mean, it's a complete joke to consider people more than pawns, they don't think for themselves, they rely on the news to find out what's going on, they listen to the radio to find out what music is popular just so they can stay "hip".

There is one group of people I absolutely love, and it's the hipsters. Look at them, they don't care what people see, they don't care what people hear, they don't care what society wants; they do what they want even if it's ironically. Those are the people we as a society should be listening to, not the jocks who were A/B students when they really should have been D/F students. Intellectualism is dead, respect for philosophy is dead, any attempt to improve society in any given way is dead, science is dying, and religion and bigotry run rampant. I don't mean offense to the religious here, it's just that instead of trying to push forward and improve, current society thinks that we should conserve old world beliefs. As a race, I think that most people have outgrown the need for the bedtime story that is religion, whether it's actually the word of God, the word of man in the form of the first written fiction, or the words of some alien who came down and tried to explain to us how the universe works in words that we could, at the time, understand. Even if there is a God, wouldn't he want us to live to our full potential, wouldn't he want us to travel the universe that he created for us, wouldn't he want us to learn about why things work the way they work? I have this image in my head of God looking down upon the curches of the world with a WTF face and his face in his hands, he gave you brains, the ability to question, and the ability to advance, why squander it?

Progressivism is dead, and I've become a relic of the dead society, and that's what really irritates me.
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
Well.

Best of luck to ya. You seem to think you're the only one who sees things "as they really are" and "what's wrong with the world"...

The reality is...for every human on this planet, there is a different way to look at things. just because yours is "considered and deep" doesn't make it right, K? you gotta get over that. it's a very "15-year-old" P.o.V. Sorry to be harsh, but it is. We all go through that at some point; we think we've got it figured out....the rest of the world is full of drones, morons, sheep, and they're all idiots.

What does it hurt you if someone likes pop? so they like pop. you don't have to like it. So someone believes in a "fairy tale"...so?

Stop worrying so much about the "herd" that you profess to hate and start to find things to make yourself happy. cause this disdain of the rest of the world isn't working for you.

that's why no one gets along with you. you think you're better than just about everyone...gee, that would be a high bar to reach for so no one is going to bother.

I hope you find peace and happiness soon...but it's gonna take some hard work.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
Look, I'm not trying to be offensive, I know my beliefs are way off the norm, that's why, as a general rule, I keep them to myself.

The problem I have with pop music though, I'm classically trained, I'm really good at what I play, and I studied classical and baroque music for years. I don't understand how our music has fallen from majesty to people building music. The point of music isn't to say something verbally, it's to express something in nonverbally because you can't figure out how to express it verbally. Yes, there are some people who sing quite well I will not argue that, but they're not the ones that get famous, get attention, or get promotion. Pop music isn't felt, it is built, in a sense it is the same thing that they did at the Ministry of Truth in 1984, it's constructed by machines to make the people happy. That is not what music and art is about. My degree is in Graphic Design, but I'm having moral issues working in an industry where my art doesn't get credit as mine, and where it's only to promote a product.

Yes, many teenagers have my views, but maybe their the ones we should be listening to. What has listening to the older generation got us? Hatred, greed, corruption and the list goes on.

Don't take this as a personal attack, it's not, everyone says that I speak in riddles and speak vaguely, this is why, because my views offend so many people.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I don't think it is your views that offend but the way you present them.  You are naive and young and I hope you find your way in this world.  

I'm not sure if you came here for help as it doesn't really appear that way at this point.  good luck to you.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
I came here for theoretical conversation I guess, I don't get to communicate with many people offline so I try my best to communicate as much as I can online. I was hoping for some conversation on why I can't get a date that didn't involve changing my entire being, especially when I'm actually happy with who I am. I've got my depression, bipolar, and anxiety pretty much under control with the exception of a few days a month after something really stressful. It's not meant to be insulting, I'm just looking for conversation, I was hoping people could provide and understand that.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
This is the "RELATIONSHIPS" forum and not really meant for conversation about things like world philosophies.  What did happen by all of the tangents you went on was that I got a better understanding of social issues you have.  I don't mean to offend you by that but it is an observation to do with what you want.  

You can't control other people or the world------ you can only control yourself.  I'll say it one more time-----  different view points and unique qualities one has make someone interesting (and dude, I live IN Ohio so it isn't the state) so there has to be another reason why you tend to be so off putting to others.  It happened here even and it is more about how you handle situations than what you are saying.  good luck to you and I'll end this by saying this is about all I can do for you at this point to try and help.  Again, good luck and I hope you have peace in your heart and find what you are desperately seeking.  
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
Oh honey. I'm classically trained as well. I've had classical vocal, trumpet, guitar, and piano training. I taught myself flute and french horn. I spent most of my childhood passionately studying music. My husband is currently in a university music program to become a classical vocal teacher.

Does that mean that anyone else's music preferences are any less legitimate? um. no. How very elitist to think that just because a style of music doesn't follow the rules or require training/talent, it's an illegitimate style and people shouldn't be allowed to like it. It's just MUSIC.

If you were a true lover of music, you would acquiesce that the whole point of music is to reach inside of a person and speak to them. It's to bring joy, release, sadness, whatever emotion the person needs...that's the point of music. To teach, to relax, to rile up...and if pop music does that for someone...that's great! that's music at it's best - appealing to the heart of an individual. It's not MY music, but then - it doesn't have to be.
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
Sorry, my son hit "enter".

I meant to add...music is the universal language (don't believe that bollocks about "math")...and if some people speak "pop"...then that's the language that they speak. it's not any less valid than someone who speaks "opera" or "grunge" or or or....we're all individuals, and that's the beauty of being human.

Your disdainful opinion for someone's music/religion/political views doesn't really matter...at all...and all it's going to do is make you lonely in the end if you try to insist that it should matter.
Blank
Avatar_m_tn
I've got to tell you man, above you mentioned that you are "actually happy".  I'd bet from your writing that you'd be very hard pressed in finding anyone who could see you as a happy person.  You're extremely judgemental, and you clearly think that you are right and others are completely wrong.  Add to that the fact that you are also very opinionated, and it is no wonder you cannot find a date.

You also mentioned being a "militant atheist".  With no disrespect meant, but all of your rants seem rather militant.  That alone will scare people or at least keep them at arms length.  I understand that living in the middle of the bible belt cannot necessarily help your situation, but it just seems as if you've done nothing to avoid anything.
And believe me, if you have something you feel worth fighting for, at least in your opinion it is so keep after it... whatever it is.  (I am agnostic and have run off quite a few people with my beliefs.  Their problem is, they want me to accept their beliefs when I have my own.  They also do not want me to have my beliefs and will judge me as wrong.(I always find that last sentence as funny, as christians are not supposed to judge.... anyways.))

From the outside looking in, you're rather intense.  It takes a special kind of person to want to be involved for a long haul with someone so intense.  I am not saying it cannot happen, but I think a person as intense as you could be looking a lifetime for a perfect mate.  I think you have your mind set on a specific type of person.

(I had a buddy who was a hell of a guy.  Women found him good looking.  Dude was outgoing, helpful, knowledgeable, quick witted, made good money, had good morals.... And truthfully, the guy had no problem getting attention from women.  The problem was, he had this ideal type.  She had to be so tall, so big around, she had to enjoy hunting and fishing, she had to be a real good house keeper, she had to dress a certain way, she had to talk a certain way, her eyes had to be a certain color, she had to be from the country and not a big city, she had to know a little about farming..... I mean, the list went on.  This guy would not settle for less and ended up dying a lonely man only because he was not willing to budge on what he thought was Ideal.)

I'd hate to see anyone go down that road.  I think you need to keep in ind that everyone has ideas, ideals, and perceptions and are entitled to them just as you are.  It is okay to not agree, but it isn't okay to fight about it.  I've learned through the years to have a more open mind regarding everything.  I've learned that what works for my neighbor might not work for me and vise-versa.

And the most important lesson I've ever learned is.... "you don't always have to be right."  Acceptance....  I'm sorry to feel that you are in for a long bumpy ride.  You seem not willing to compromise, and every relationship has some compromise in it.... every single one of them do.  

I really hope you find peace or piece of mind....
Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
That's fine,  FF,  to come here for a theoretical conversation.  

It seems at this point,  we all understand that you don't want to change,  you just want to kind of muse about how you can't get a girl while holding tight to your current negative behavior and judgmental attitudes.

People do come here and say things like that.  They go on a big rant about how completely miserable they are,  and when people offer suggestions that would require some effort and changes,  they pretty quickly say actually everything's great,  I just needed to blow off steam yesterday.  

So that's fine.  It's your life.  If you're more comfortable being lonely than you are comfortable with trying to change some of your behaviors that drive people away,  it's your choice.
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
I'm just sorry so many of us have wasted  time on this post.  When I'm here posting to a stranger asking for help---  I gladly try to give it while ignoring something else that I could be doing.  So, had he written that he was a college student that wanted to convince me that he knew exactly how I should feel about the world . . . I'd have cleaned the toilet instead.  I don't mean to be harsh---------  but that is completely the truth.  I'm not all that interested in pontificating about 'hipsters' and some one's loathing of religion.  I"m a grown up . . . I've got toilets to clean.
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
Really? How was this a waste of anyones time? You made someone realize that they didn't hate themselves and made them happy. I don't understand how thats a waste of time.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I said  earlier that I was done but I'm still looking and watching and You've tempted me once again.  You have not come across here as SomeOne who has become Happy - but, if You HAVE, indeed, become Happy, then that IS a wonderful outcome!! and I'm sure Others will be Glad to know that as well.  But now - why don't You SAY something Happy and Positive so EveryOne might feel the time invested here was worthwhile.  People DO care - that's why They're here!!  

A LOT of Time, Care, and Interest was devoted to You by People who  Care - but You eventually turned EveryOne off because You were SO negative!!  If You have had a change of Heart about Your negative attitude toward People, that is Wonderful - and I'm sure EveryOne here will agree.

Let us hear from You again.  Let us know how You are doing and getting along.

Good Luck to You,
Tink
Blank
1489305_tn?1315183107
Not everyone expresses joy in the same ways. Personally I try to keep my joy subdued, I don't like people getting a read off of me. I'm not an optimist, never have been and never will be, my expression of joy is the spread of knowledge and understanding. I just wish that other people could understand that, just because I'm not smiling, or not talking (yeah I know hard to imagine right), that I'm not enjoying myself. By nature, I'm an observer, my drive is to understand, to experience, to feel the conversation. The difference between how I am online and offline is a night and day difference, in person, I'm a much nicer, much less blunt individual. I'm extremely relaxed and will listen to you and discuss with you whatever you feel like discussing. What my online persona lacks is the ability to, through nonverbal ques, express understanding and calmness. I'm really not as angry as I appear or say, and I'm not as Atheist either, I'm actually an atheistic Buddhist, I love the ideals taught by the system and for the most part implement them in my life. I go so far as to tell people to take their anger out on me so to not harm someone completely innocent, my goal is to actually make people as happy and as comfortable as I can. I get defensive, yes, and that is a personality fault I'm working on fixing, but the "fact" that I'm negative is just not accurate, I'm frustrated and frustration often comes off as negativity online. Trust me, if you somehow met any of my friends, they'd tell you that I'm the chillest kid they know, I go with the flow, and generally don't let most things get to me.

Many of these questions have roots in the simple and yet complex question of "Why?" I feel that if I understand the situation as a whole I might be able to find a new way to work angles so that I don't have to change my personality. I honestly like who I am, even though it gets me burned every once in a while and makes finding people like myself difficult, but the people that are like me are likely to be around much longer than the people like you. Absolutely no offense meant there, it's just that people like me tend to cling to friends like white on rice, the people I've considered friends in the past few years are people that will most likely be around for the rest of our lives, whereas people you know will be around for a few years and you'll likely lose contact with them. It's okay though, you'll make new friends easily and they'll become good friends, for me it doesn't work that way. It's just different, it's not wrong, just different.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I give up.  You tire me.

Blank
13167_tn?1327197724
Me too,  Tinkerbell.  I'm done.   *throws in the towel*

I don't always give this much time and energy I've spent here,   on people I absolutely adore.

FF,  good luck in finding your way.  I'm completely done,  forever,  in trying to help you find your way in life.  
Blank
1035252_tn?1371343440
I wash my hands. Your attitude is exactly why I always dated guys at least 2 years older than me; immaturity drives me up the wall and across the ceiling.

best of luck to you...hope you get that move soon and that you find true contentment.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Relationships Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
3149845_tn?1386354841
Blank
Life360
fort lauderdale, FL
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
1268057_tn?1399131913
Blank
Londres70
France
3060903_tn?1398568723
Blank
Nighthawk61
Other