Boyfriend Addicted to Sex

[anlam11]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months, and yeah, we do have a physical relationship. But, it seems like when we hang out, he just always wants to have sex, or engage in sexual activities and it gets annoying. When I tell him no, I don't want to, it seems like he gets annoyed and mad about it. I have told him plenty of times that I am not in the relationship for sex, and he shouldn't be either. I just want times where we just hang out and have fun and NOTHING sexual is expected from me. I don't know how to fix this issue with him, can someone help me or give advice about how to cool things off with him?

[Reallytiredoftrying]

I can understand. When me and my fiancé first got together we had sex several times a week. She always told me how she liked having sex. How often she used to have sex with past boyfriends. How things would be when we got our own place. She would satisfy me in different ways at times she was not able to have sex. After we moved in together it just died. We might have sex 3 times a month. I am the same as you. I can do everything short of bending her over and just doing it and she doesn't respond. Sometimes she actually just rolls over and goes to sleep. I don't know what to do. I try to be a good provider and the relationship is good otherwise. She is a housewife so it's not like she's overly stressed or too tired. As much as I try to keep bad thoughts from my mind I wonder if I am not satisfying her or if she's cheating on me. I worry if we are compatible in the bedroom. Sex seems good when we do and she seems satisfied. I sometimes feel like I was tricked and that we had lots of sex and she told me these things just until we moved in to gather. The lack of sex makes me feel like a roommate instead of a couple soon to get married.

[Bgna]

Hi im 23 yrs old. Ive been with my gf for 3 yrs now and in the beginning we had sex like EVERYDAY! It was like impossible to not have sex one day! Now its like dead! I see my gf maybe 3-4 times a week but its narrowed down to having sex 1 time a week and sometimes its been 2 weeks with no sex! Now its like she doesnt touch me at all!! She has been with 5 people before me that im assuming were bigger than me!! She was loose the first couple times we had sex! I will lay there naked in bed with her and rub up against her and she wont even touch me! I get so pissed cause she used to **** all these guys and now were together she doesnt wanna do much! Its hard for a guy to lay there HARD and his gf knows and she falls asleep! I just go to the bathroom and jack-off! I dont know what to do anymore!! Its like she says she always wants it but how the hell am i suppose to feel like that? I touch her ALL the time and it still doesnt spark anything!! Im done having sex with her or trying anything!! There is no point! She says she wants to marry me and have kids with me im trying to get us a house, i got her an engagement ring.

[brice1967]

You're completely (respectfully) mistaken when you think guys like sex more than women....  it depends on the individual, gender makes little difference.

On a professional level, I worked in one of our area's biggest "meat markets".  The numbers of males and females in the club any given night, out looking for "you know what", was equal.

Personally, I am lucky if I can keep up with my wife.  My wife's drive is in another gear completely.  Fortunately, we enjoy our sex life equally.  (My wife is 4.5 years older than I am)

Now, with that said... a relationship cannot be based alone on sex, sexual performance or the abundance of sex.  It just can't, unless that is all that is required from both partners.  (In my late teens - 20 years old, that would have been perfect for me.... maybe that is where your guy is?)  But if the relationship is going to develop, it has to have more substance.  

[anlam11]

Thanks to everyone, your answers make sense and we've been trying to get out and do other things. To Londres70, he is 20 years old. He still has his teenage mind. Although I agree that our sex drives aren't really compatible, he is a good boyfriend usually. It's just when it comes to sex he gets a little crazy. Which, is probably normal for a guy his age.

[specialmom]

Well, from your first post----  it is hard to tell.  A lot of guys are pretty ready for sex ALL the time---  daily, hourly, minute to minute.  I don't think someone should feel like they have to live up to that.  So, then it is a question of three things in my mind.  Is he troubled in that he gets mad at her when she isn't in the mood?  Is their sex drive not compatible.  Or does she feel like a piece of meat and sex is all he cares about (which I guess is back to he is troubled.)  

With all three---------  I'm not sure he has the makings of a good boyfriend.  good luck

[Vance2335]

I will not get mad if my wife does not want to have sex, but I will get fearful if we do not have sex for 1 week + due to past issues in relationships. So I think I can see where your bf is coming from. I don't like the way I get when I don't get some and try to deal with it myself. But maybe your bf is worried that if you will not have sex with him that you don't love him, that you will leave him, that you are having sex with someone else.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Ditto Londres70 !!

[Londres70]

I have a different view.  I will agree with you; sounds like your bf is pre-occupied with sex in my opinion.  He gets "annoyed" or "mad" when you tell him no.  If you all were hardly or not really having alot of sex or you were constantly refusing him sex, then I could see the situation a bit different.  As you have stated, you would like to do other things besides having sex and he is NOT having that.  He's getting sexual in the car while driving, hmmm......sounds like he is very young.  I surely wouldn't want someone "up" my skirt while I was trying to drive or while he is driving; that's a bit much in my opinion.  

How old is he?  Sounds like a late teenage boy trying to release tons of sexual energy on you; sounds a bit immature, a.k.a  a "horny" kid/teen which is typical.  

If he is NOT willing to respect how you feel or what you want and compromise, then I would be finding someone that is NOT so preoccupied with sex; someone more compatiable and in tune with your needs and wants.  It is apparent the sex drives don't match up.  

I don't blame you.  I wouldn't want someone reverting to sex all the time.  Sex is PART of a relationship, however, it shouldn't CONSUME the relationship.  

[anlam11]

Sometimes I feel used, but I know he wouldn't use me in that way. It's just, I don't always want to have sex everday like he does. And I tell him that, and it's like he gets mad. Like tonight. He told me to go over and I know what would have happened, but where I'm at, we're getting bombarded by snow, roads are slick and I told him that and he like got mad.

[specialmom]

Hi again. Is part of the problem that you feel used for sex or that you aren't in the mood?

[anlam11]

Thanks! I don't know, I guess it's just a guy thing and guys enjoy sex a lot more than some girls. I have talked to him before though, and I tell him that we need to get out more and do more activites, but even when we're riding in the car or something, he always goes towards sexual actions. Like he'll place his hand high up on my thigh and I will immediately move it and tell him to stop, but he gets mad about it. And yeah I guess he really isn't addicted to it, but it just gets annoying how almost everyday, he gets pissed off at me for not dropping my life to go and have sex with him.

[specialmom]

Yes, sexual addiction is different than a horny boyfriend.  You two have different levels of desire right in the begining of the relatinship.  I'm afraid this will always haunt you.  You hear of marriages that this is a problem but usually it is the one who wants sex that rights.  They are pretty miserable being with a partner that doesn't have the same level of desire that they do.

This is something to think about.  If you are not sexually compatible, it might be a bigger issue than you think.  Within a long term relationship, you will often have one who wants it more than the other but by how much makes a difference.  When it is like that right from the start, I worry.

I agree with Vance----  talk to him----------  NOT---  and I repeat----  NOT when he is asking you for sex or initiating it.  Do it at another more neutral time.  You might also get more active in planning what you do with 'going out' more common.  Then you can spend some fun time together and have sex or not afterwards but you will feel less like that is all he wants if you have lots of dates out.  good luck

[Vance2335]

Don't think he is addicted to sex. I have been married for 5+ years and with my wife for 10+ years and I am almost the same as your bf.

But I would just talk with him and tell him he has a choice to either respect your wishes or start getting used to his hand for sexual gratification.