My boyfriend just admitted to me that when he was 11 years old he had intercourse with his younger sister. He said they were pretending to play house and they ended up having sex. They both didn't know what sex was, but he was able to get an erection and she was fine with him doing this. I'm not positive on all the details and no one knows about this except for his Aunt who is a psychologist. He tells me that she said it could have happened because his Father abandoned them, but in no way do I see justification for having sex with your sister because your Father left? His younger sister was only 7 years old. It was not forceful and they are both grown adults now and act like nothing has ever happened. I feel so uncomfortable and do not know what the meaning behind this is. I know this is not normal and am very fearful because I have 3 girls. He has never come across as this type of person. What could this stem from? Is this something that is common? What do I do now? I don't know how to handle this. Please help with any advice! Another thing is that we have intimacy problems where he doesn't seem interested in normal sex. He is addicted to porn and this really interferes with our relationship. He is too embarrassed to see a psychologist about this and I am too uncomfortable ever addressing this. I've tried to research online, but haven't been able to find any information. Please help!
Although this is pretty disturbing news, it happened when he was a child, and as far as you know, just once. How old is he now? I'm guessing if you have three girls of your own that you both are in your late 20s to early 30s? You may never know what the cause was or the psychological issues behind it, and neither may he. I can tell you're concerned, and I would be as well. But at the same time, you're dealing with an issue that happened years ago, and as far as you know now, he has a clean record and a regular life. It's not like he's a convicted sex offender who molests children...and I'm sure if your girls were being enticed by him in any way, you'd notice or catch on or they would come forward and say something.
What you want to do now is up to you. Personally, I would be too disturbed by this news to continue the relationship, especially with three daughters, and him having an addiction to porn and knowing it's an addiction, but refusing to seek help. But that's just me.
You don't say how long you've been in a relationship with him. If it's been for years, then maybe you two could seek couples counseling together. If it's only been for a few months, then you make the call on whether or not you can continue the relationship knowing these issues.
I am sure that news came as a complete and total shock to you! I can see how it would bother you. BUT, I agree with AHP84, this happened a long time ago and kids that age do things to experiment sexually and usually do it with someone they trust. While he was at an age of knowing right from wrong, he may not have known right from wrong when it comes to sex. I think you guys need to clear the air about this since it is bothering you so much. Talk about it with him, even though it's embarrassing and then go from there.
I dont want to diss the guy, but honestly. Personally, I would keep a watchful eye out if I had three girls. You said he doesnt seem to get into normal sex, has intimacy issues, and your gut is screaming. I say listen to the gut.
I am going to have to agree with the above. Remember, dating is for gathering information about a person to see if the relationship should move forward. I think what happened in the past is so very sad. These poor kids. That is a burden to live with. I guess that is why he told you. I suspect that one or both of them might have been molested by an adult. Very sad.
What is more concerning to me is the detail of an intimacy issue between the two of you and problems with porn interfering with your relationship. These are serious problems during the dating phase. When we have these problems ------------ well, they usually get worse and not better unless a couple works very hard to fix them.
I'm sorry as I know this must be painful for you. I feel bad for your boyfriend but find him to be risky in terms of a future. good luck
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