Boyfriend chooses porn over me

Hey!  I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years cause he chose porn over me.  I told him to choose between me and porn and he pretty much made it clear that it is normal and he can do it, which I said there is the door good bye!  It's really sad I really cared about him and I guess he didn't feel the same.  I just can't get my mind off of this.  He thinks he did nothing wrong to hurt me.  I'm not a demanding person just want some respect in this area of a relationship you know?  Does anyone have any good input for me to help me.  I'm very depressed and sad over this.  He has made me feel very ugly by this.  Are all men like this?

[Vance2335]

Well how much does he watch? Do you want him to not watch any? What about a compromise?

[Cutie1234565]

I think he watches a lot.  He looks at porn and then he isn't intimate with me.  He shuts me down a lot, which makes me not like porn period.  I think this is why women don't like it cause we start to get shut down.  How can you compromise over this?

[Vance2335]

Well if he is shutting you down then that is not good. If he was looking at porn but still fullfilling your needs then you could compromise on the amount he watches/looks at and even watch it with him. But at this point he would need to start making you his priority and not porn. If he refuses to do so then you are better without him.

[Cutie1234565]

Thank you for responding to me...I feel like I am loosing my mind...So be done with him?  I don't think he is going to change.  I'm not trying to sound like a bia but why should I watch it with him if he is shutting me down you know?  I think I should just be done with all men....!

[imanaddict]

Before you go shutting out all men, just know that they aren't ALL like that when it comes to porn. If he was shutting you out after watching it, that is not a good sign in the relationship. And the fact that he was hurting you and not caring is also not a good sign and not worthy of you. When you are with a person you love, you put them ahead of yourself. Since he was not doing that, I'd say go ahead and stay gone and find someone who will put your feelings ahead of their own. Porn, unfortunately, seems to be ruining more and more relationships these days. There are TONS of posts about that subject here on MedHelp. Maybe you could search some of them out and see what others have to say about it, and the outcome. I wish you the best!

[Vance2335]

Well if he is shutting you down then no reason to watch it with him. But I know I would rather watch it (if I did watch it) with my wife then with guys. But yeah I would be done with it and move on. He is replacing your needs and filling them with his needs and porn.

You can try talking with him one more time to try to make him understand that you still want to be with him but porn is getting in the way.

When I did watch porn, I never choose porn over a gf, not 1 time. Masterbation (masturbation) is not better then sex.

[Beargizmo]

My wife gave me the same ultimatum several months ago...I chose her and have become almost rabidly antiporn.  If he chose porn over you, as painful as it is, I'd leave him alone...there's a man out there who doesn't watch this stuff other than me and who will commit himself to appreciating you and your body and your love over pictures any day.

Good luck to you.

Jim

[teko]

Im with Jim. After all what are you missing besides him sitting in front of the stuff all the time? His choice and Im betting he is waiting for you to beg him back. Dont do it.

[Cutie1234565]

You guys rock my world thank you for your input.  I'm a good person and don't deserve this, but it seems like every guy watches porn...so be done?  Should I change my cell number?  Need help with this...ignore text and phone calls correct?  Cause he keeps calling me and texting me and I'm ignoring him thats the right thing to do correct?  I do want to be done.  I have given him too many chances with this.  Don't you think he has a problem?  He lies to me about and I told him to honest and to not lie.  If he would tell the truth I wouldn't really care, but hiding it and then shutting me down a lot lately its really OLD!  He came by my house just a second ago and he is like really your done cause of this I'm like bye...correct thing to do right?  He really thinks he has done nothing wrong to hurt me.

[imanaddict]

Change your number and be done with it.

[lovelybones007]

I don't like porn at all either and I would say that you have done the right thing. Change your number too, so he can't keep trying to contact you. The guy should respect you and put you before the porn, but since he hasn't, he isn't worth your time...

[specialmom]

Guess what------------ my husband isn't into porn.  Thinks it is fake and not a turn on.   Did I luck out?  No-------- lots of men could care less about it.  Even those that  look at it once in a blue moon might not really care about it.  I wouldn't be with a man that made porn his hobby and cared about it more than he did my feelings.  I think moving on is a wise choice!  Good luck

[RockRose]

Good job,  Cutie,  for having the brains and the guts to walk away!  

You're a smart,  gutsy girl and you know what's what.  

Don't even entertain the feeling that if he were just honest with you it would be okay.  It wouldn't.  He'd still be a porn addict,  but WORSE, with no shame.

Move on from this to greener pastures.  You done good,  girl!

[Cutie1234565]

Thanks for everyone's input.  You guys have helped a lot.  Where are all the gentleman's at then?  Should I go younger with men?  

[Cutie1234565]

This is still on my mind one last thing...when he came by my house today and I told him good bye... he said he was bored and that is why he did it...and we weren't intimate for a week and a half because I had finals for school.  Still no excuse correct?  Men can go a while correct?  I could see a month or two maybe shame on me if it starts to get to be that long, but women can go with out doing anything for a long time...true???

[specialmom]

Correct.  That is bs, in my opinion.  He'll be doing it forever and putting the woman in his life second to it.  Addiction to porn ---------  that happens when you allow it to wreck your relationship.  He did that.  

Find a great guy, they are out there.  Do things you like to do and you'll meet nice men.  If you are in school, that is a good place to look as well.  Not all guys would rather watch something vs. being with a real live woman!  good luck

[focus29554]

Why does your bf choose porn over you? I promise you, its NOT your physical apperance, i think you beautiful. Your ex is self-centered.. Dosen't care about anyone but himself. He seems narsasticict.. You don't need that in your life. I don't even think he's man enough to be in a realionship if you ask me.

Are all guys like that? NO. First off, i doubt you met every single male in the planet we call earth. Second,alot of guys out there are very caring. I have friends and including myself that love women. We like real live women to be around with. Women make us feel good and we want to make them feel good. Your Ex has some soul searching and growing up to do. He's just one guy that isn't good enough for you. You deserve better! Now from looking at your pic, and dont smack me if im wrong, im not good at guessing age, you would be... 16-19 years old? Im 29, and if you were 22 or older, i would deffently approach you and ask you out. No joke. I would treat you like a queen too. Women are so awsome!! You ladies rock!!  Just keep your heads up, your ex is just one guy who needs to grow up. And whatever you do, if he contacts you, don't respond. It will lead to unneeded drama and he'll string you along. You're better than that.

[Westguy1003]

It's got nothing to do with you. When guys start doubling down on the porn and ignoring their girlfriend it means they're just done with the relationship and have no interest anymore for whatever reason.

More than likely he checked out and didn't have the guts to end it himself.

But do be aware that many many many guys are going to watch porn even if they're in a healthy, happy, committed, monogamous relationship.

[Cutie1234565]

I'm 23....I know I look young...and it *****....  I get that a lot with how I look.


To all:

Thanks for input...gotta move on!

[Beargizmo]

not all men are into porn..yes, I was for a while but no longer.....there are plenty who are not, who will appreciate who you are, and what he has.  The female body is a beatiful creation not meant to be presented all over a movie/TV/magazine for men to masturbated over rather than loving the beautiful creation in their lives.  "I was bored" is an excuse..next it will be something else and something else again...

You are a beautiful woman, deserving of a man who will respect your wishes and support you in your scholastic or whatever persuits and not turn on the computer and masterbate and whine about being bored.

again..good luck to you...you deserve much better.

Jim

[tanya0510]

I know this is a late post, but I just went through the exact same thing!
I caught my boyfriend having porn & I said I don't accept that in a relationship.
We broke up for a week but then he promised me he didn't need it, gave it to me to throw away. I would ask him on a weekly basis if he thought he needed it, that was ok, but we would have to break up. I just wanted him to be honest with me. He repeatedly said he didn't need it. Then 2 months later my intuition is telling me he's looking at porn, so I ask him & he says no. The next day I tell him its crazy but my intuition is telling me that he is, and he still says no & that my intuition is "retarded". This goes for about one week. I always thought he was honest, so I thought my intuition was going haywire. I come to his house & go on his computer & look at history & see he was looking at anal sex videos. I broke up with him on the spot. He betrayed me & lied to me. He also thought he did nothing wrong. I told him it doesn't matter how he felt about porn, but that I made it clear that it hurt my feelings & felt like cheating to me. I wasn't asking him to agree with what I thought, but to care about my feelings. He still thought he did nothing wrong & has been very disrespectful of me. Then called me up a few days later explaining how he did nothing wrong & I let him know it was BS!
He still loves me.. and I still love him very much but I can't live with porn in a relationship.
It just hurts so much.
Why would a man choose to have porn over a girlfriend??

PS: Our sex really sucked too! He was the worst lover I've ever had. He could never keep a hard on & rarely get one! I often thought about leaving the relationship because I wasn't sexually satisfied. A soft **** plus he just lay there like a corpse. I had to ask him to touch me & kiss me when we were having sex. I've never had to ask that with a boyfriend before! He was trained for sex by porn!

[tanya0510]

And also, I have always been a very caring & considerate gf. I've always went out of my way to be there for him & make him happy. I'm beautiful too but also sweet & nice. I don't have demands & am pretty tolerant. He never had money, never took me out, never drove me anywhere.. I never complained about that! I just wanted true love :(